Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Voice Interesting Enough?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through September 8.

This week’s question:

Is Sam’s voice interesting enough?

Market/Genre: Historical (mid-twentieth century)

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening (and Narrator) Work?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 25.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this opening work?

2. Is the narrator, the voice appealing?

Market/Genre: Commercial fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Can You Visualize the Setting?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 16.

This week’s questions:

1. Is the voice consistent?

2. Can you visualize the setting?

3. Is the show/tell balanced?

4. Would you want to keep reading?

Market/Genre: Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Have a Clear Middle Grade Voice?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through November 18.

This week’s questions:

Is there a clear MG voice? Is the story "Show me" or "tell?" Can a MG book be about animal characters?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This YA Fantasy Scene too Confusing?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 26.

This week’s questions:

Are the new terms too confusing, too fast? Is the inner voice too much? Does the character feel 3D? Is the fact she's scared of the ceremony and why she's hiding so close to the ceremony explained and believable? Is the voice there?

Market/Genre: Young Adult Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This an Engaging Middle Grade Voice?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Nine 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 24.

This week’s questions:

1. Is it compelling enough to read on?

2. Does it have a strong and engaging voice?

3. Is the setting and situation understandable (at least given that some details haven't been revealed yet)?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Sound Like a Middle-Grade Voice?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through September 3.

This week’s question:

I really wanted to focus on one thing: nailing the MG voice. Even after all the researching and studying I've done (including the help I've gotten from you), I think I'm still having difficulty.

Market/Genre: Middle Grade

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Middle Grade Science Fiction Opening Hook You?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through May 7.

This week’s questions:

1. Is the voice appropriate for middle-grade (the main character is twelve years old)?

2. Is there enough showing versus telling?

3. Is the hook strong enough to grab your attention and keep you reading?

Market/Genre: Middle grade science fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This YA Urban Fantasy Opening Working?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 14.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this opening work?

2. Do you get a sense of the voice?

3. Is it too slow?

Market/Genre: YA Urban Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Wake Up Scene Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through January 3.

This week’s questions:

Does the opening work? Is it too blah or slow? I'm having a hard time with Elsi because she keeps her emotions very close to the vest. Do you get a sense of voice here with her? Do I need to rethink opening with her waking up since that's so cliché? 

Market/Genre: Young Adult Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Opening Hook You?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One + one resubmit

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through November 15.

This week’s questions: 

Does the opening hook you?
Is the description of the setting adequate?
Since the scene has no dialogue, is there enough internalization/emotion?
Do you care about the main character?
Does the story have a unique voice?

Market/Genre: Young Adult Romance

NOTE: There's a revised snippet of a humorous novel up for those curious to see how the writer reworked it

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: A Look at the Opening Page of a Humorous Novel

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy 

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through November 1. To catch up after my hiatus, I'll be doubling up with Sunday diagnostics for the rest of the month.

NOTE: Revised snippet at the end

This week’s questions:

1. This is the first page of a humorous book, but there’s not really any humor on the first page. The humor more or less starts on the second page, so do you think that’s okay or should I try to get a tinge of humor in the first page?
2. This is an adult book, so does the voice and protagonist feel of age (he’s 24)? I’ve had people claim that they think it does sound adult, a couple say it sounds YA, and even someone who says MG. (Might be confusing because the MC does live at home with his parents still, though maybe the voice itself is youngish?)
3. Do any parts sound like the author intruding instead of the MC’s voice (this has been something I’ve been working on a lot, but always gives me difficulty)? For this story (as I usually do), I’ve been trying to keep fully in the MC’s head. It is in first-person POV, too, after all.
4. Do any parts feel told?
5. Does this work for a first page; would you keep reading?

Market/Genre: Adult fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Setting up A Speculative Fiction World

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through September 18. Any Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some if my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

This week’s questions:

1. Despite the third person POV, do you still connect with the protagonist or does it come across as too distant?

2. Is the narrative voice engaging?

3. Is the undefined (for now) terminology too distracting or does it entice you to read more in order to find out what it means?

4. As an opening, does it effectively balance genre-setting, world-building and character introductions or should the focus be redistributed?

5. Does knowing the 'back-cover blurb' (the story's background), give me a 'get out of jail free' card to avoid direct/immediate conflict in this scene, in favor of hinting at the deeper conflict and tension of the overall book? 

Market/Genre: Speculative Fiction/Adult Dystopian

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Prologue and Narrative Style Work for You?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 21. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

Also Note: There's a revised snippet up for the opening about the kids trapped underground in a school for those curious to see how the writer revised.

This week’s questions:

Does this work as a story opening, and more specifically, does it work as a prologue-type thing? And, in terms of narrative style, do you think there is a good rhythm to the words and sentence structure I've chosen, or does it feel disjointed? (This, in particular, is super important to me.)

Market/Genre: Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: POV and Voice in a YA Historical Opening

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six (+ 1 Resubmit) 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through May 3. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

This week’s questions:

Am I doing POV correctly? Is the "voice" appealing to you? Does it grab you as a first scene should?

Market/Genre: YA Historical Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Hooking the Reader in a YA Urban Fantasy

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Due to a technical glitch, this failed to appear yesterday. Making up for that today.

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three (+ 1 Resubmit) 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through April 5. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

This week’s questions:

Does this opening work? Does it hook you and make you want to read more? Is the voice YA enough?

Market/Genre: YA Urban Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Narrative Flow and Voice in an Action Thriller Opening

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Nine (+ two resubmits)
 
Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through January 11 so there's a bit of a wait for submission feedback. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware.

This week’s questions:

Does the flow of sentences/paragraphs work? Is Angel’s voice coming through loud enough? Is the first line/paragraph agent-worthy? Would you turn the page?

Market/Genre: Action thriller

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Question it All: Things to Ask in Any Scene

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Ten (+ two resubmits)

This week’s questions:
1. Is it too choppy? Do I need more sentence variety?
2. Are the characters real to you? Do their reactions seem believable and realistic? (For fourteen year-olds)
3. I know this is an opinion based question, but is there enough description? If not, how do you weave that in there?
4. Do the characters, from what you can tell here, have their own voice? Or do they blend together?
5. Is it showing or telling?
6. Is there too much dialog?
7. Is the internalization good here? Or is too little or too much?

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: An Opening That's All in Your Head

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight (+two re-submits)  
Note: Right now I'm booked up to September 7 on submissions. I'll double up on the weekends when I can to clear out the queue, but this is the most I've ever had waiting. Sorry about that, guys! I'll get to them all soon as I can.

This week’s questions:

Does this opening work? Does it have a distinctive voice? Is it well paced? Am I showing or telling?
Market/Genre: YA / Coming-of-Age

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Voice and Body Language in Your Opening

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Nine (+one re-submit)

Note: Right now I'm booked up to September 7 on submissions. I'll double up on the weekends when I can to clear out the queue, but this is the most I've ever had waiting. Sorry about that, guys! I'll get to them all soon as I can.

This week’s questions:

Do the dialogue and the body language work together? Is Lilly's voice coming through, and does it sound like a ten-year-old? Does this beginning work, and would you keep reading?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…