Real Life Diagnostics: Does the Dialogue Sound Natural and Believable?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through November 17.

This week’s questions:

1. Does the dialogue sound natural and believable?

2. Is there enough information to indicate that escalating problems with his boss could be the external conflict and future questioning of his non-belief in alien abductions could be his internal conflict? Or is it too soon in the story?

3. Would you keep reading?

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Keep Reading?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.


If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 
 
Submissions currently in the queue: Two

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 17.

This week’s questions:

1. Does it have enough internalization, description, or narration?

2. Am I showing, not telling?

3. Does the dialogue sound natural and believable?

4. Would you want to keep reading?

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Conversation Sound Natural?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy 

Note: An extra RLD this weekend since the queue is getting rather long. 

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Ten 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 10.

This week’s questions:

Does the dialogue sound natural and believable? Does the writing make the scene flow well? Are the tags and beats placed well? Are either characters likable or not likable?

Market/Genre: Mystery/Romance

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening, With More Action, Work Better?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 17.

This week’s question:

Does this opening, with more action, work better than the original?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Where to Put Your Dialogue Tags

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through November 5.

This week’s questions:

1. Do you always have to say 'said he', 'said she'? In my own mind this sounds incredibly repetitive, even if you vary the verbs used (f.ex. replied, muttered etc).

2. Is it clear who is speaking if I do it 'my way' as per below?

3. How do you handle the position your speakers are in? I tend to try and make things 'visual' - which means that I often find myself describing the looks between people, the gestures etc. Is this not too much?

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Working With Dialogue

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through March 11.

This week’s questions: 

1. Does this dialogue work? 

2. I want Mark to come across as a little aggressive with no time for polite conversation with women. Does he? 

3. I also want it to show that Pauline is not the type of person to take any crap from anyone. Does it?

Market/Genre: Speculative

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Using Dialog to Build Tension

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through September 19.

This week’s question:

Is this dialogue/scene working effectively or does it need to be longer to build the tension?

Market/Genre: Women’s Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Crafting Dialog in a Scene

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: None

This week’s questions:

Is my dialog executed correctly? Does the scene make sense? In what ways could I improve my writing? I've always had dreams of writing, I'm kinda starting out.

Market/Genre: Science fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Grounding Readers in a Quiet Prologue

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Ten (+ two resubmits) Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through January 11 so there's a bit of a wait for submission feedback. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware.

This week’s questions:

Is this opening too slow? Is there enough to hook you, or do I need to increase the tension? Is the dialogue natural and the characters real? Do you feel grounded or confused? What kind of questions do you have that might keep you reading?

Market/Genre: YA Fantasy 

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Writing Authentic Dialog That Hooks a Reader

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight (+ one re-submit)

RESUBMIT: There's new text up on an old post--the synopsis/outline critique from late last year. Pop on over and scroll to the bottom of the original post if you're curious how the writer revised.

Note: Right now I'm booked up to October 5 on submissions. I'll try to double up on the weekends when I can to clear out the queue, but I'm also currently swamped with other writer and day job responsibilities. Sorry about that, guys! I'll get to them all soon as I can.

This week’s questions:

Does the dialogue feel authentic and natural? And, is this enough of a "hook" for the first scene of a crime novel?

Market/Genre: Suspense/thriller

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Keeping Action Scenes Clear and Interesting

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Nine (+ two re-submits)

Note: Right now I'm booked up to October 5 on submissions. I'll try to double up on the weekends when I can to clear out the queue, but I'm also currently swamped with other writer and day job responsibilities. Sorry about that, guys! I'll get to them all soon as I can.

This week’s questions:

Is the narration or the showing and the action clear? Does the dialogue keep readers interested or add to the action? How's the voice?

Market/Genre: Sword and Sorcery Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Voice and Body Language in Your Opening

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Nine (+one re-submit)

Note: Right now I'm booked up to September 7 on submissions. I'll double up on the weekends when I can to clear out the queue, but this is the most I've ever had waiting. Sorry about that, guys! I'll get to them all soon as I can.

This week’s questions:

Do the dialogue and the body language work together? Is Lilly's voice coming through, and does it sound like a ten-year-old? Does this beginning work, and would you keep reading?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: A Wicked Beginning: Does This Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

This week’s questions:

Does Krinn seem evil? Is this an engaging hook? Does this opening work? My friend says it isn't a good hook because there's no conflict yet. Is this true? Am I showing or telling? What type of world do you think of when you read this?

Market/Genre: Fantasy 

NOTE: Revised snippet at the end of the post

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: So He Says to Me: Is This Opening Working?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

This week’s questions:

Does this opening work? Am I showing or telling?

Market/Genre: Fiction/Adult Romance 

ETA: Revision at the bottom.

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Say it Out Loud: Writing Dialog for the Stage

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

This week’s question:
Does this dialogue sound sincere?

Market/Genre: Stageplay (Musical)

Note: This is an interesting RLD today because I know next to nothing about scripts. But this question is about dialog, and that I can talk about. Any scriptwriters out there with some feedback are encouraged to chime in.

On to the diagnosis…