Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Romantic Thriller Opening Working?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 16.

This week’s question:

Is this opening working?

Market/Genre: Romantic Thriller

Note: We have a newbie today, who was brave enough to send their first attempt at an opening scene. Please bear that in mind when offering feedback.

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Middle Grade Opening Hook You?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through October 7.

This week’s questions:

Does this opening hook your interest in the MC? Do you understand what is going on for her or do you need more explanation of her condition? Does this opening make you want to keep reading?

Market/Genre: (Upper) middle grade fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Horror Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through September 23.

This week’s questions:

Does this opening work? Would you read on? 

Market/Genre: Horror

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 12.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this opening work? I focused on the voice of mc, but I'm not sure if the pacing works. Is it too slow, too boring for an opening scene?

2. Can you tell that I'm not a native speaker?

Market/Genre: Young Adult

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Keep Reading This Science Fiction Opening?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 12.

This week’s question:

Is this an effective beginning to my novel? I began with a scene in which she loses her parents in a war and then skip to this scene after a "12 years later" thing but I'm just not sure how to successfully set up the beginning here.

Market/Genre: Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Fantasy Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eleven 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 10.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this scene work?

2. Is there anything I can do to improve the clarity of the setting?

Market/Genre: YA Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Fantasy Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eleven 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 3.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this YA fantasy opening work?

2. Would you read on?

3. Any red flags here?

Market/Genre: Young Adult Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Fantasy Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through April 15.

This week’s questions:

1. Is this engaging enough for a first scene?

2. It's hard to give more internal thoughts on this beginning, because the action is all of a sudden. Do you think I should try putting more internal thoughts in these first 250 words?

3. Even if the scene isn't good in overall, is there anything that would make you read the next page?

4. I had Melissa cursing in this scene, but some people said it was horrible and I took it away. It's not a problem for this scene, but she is a cursing type of person (which shows some of her background) and I wanted it to shock some other characters along the novel with her poor vocabulary. Can you give me a hint on how to deal with this?

Market/Genre: Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening Have a Sufficient Hook?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through April 8.

This week’s question:

Does this opening have a sufficient hook?

Market/Genre: Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening Make Sense?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 4.

This week’s question:

Below is the opening of the third novel of the Matryoschka Heritage linked novels (not a series). In the first novel, Alex and Sarah Beth get unwisely caught up in a battle between a less-than-competent secret government research agency and a transnational group that’s over 500 years old. Alex dies. End of book one. In the second novel, Sarah Beth, despite ‘interventions’ by Alex’s wife, Antonia, the government agency, all their friends, and everyone else, searches for the way to bring him back. Sarah Beth dies in her success. Alex lives, again. End of book two.

Does this opening work as a relatively coherent introduction to the situation, and the complexities Alex now faces? 

Market/Genre: Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Paranormal Fiction Opening Draw You in?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 3.

This week’s questions:

Does starting with exposition work? Is there enough of a balance between dialogue and action? What kind of glimpse into their sibling relationship does this opening offer? How do the two characters contrast?

Market/Genre: YA Paranormal Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Inspirational Romance Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through November 12.

This week’s question:

Does this partial scene opening work?

Market/Genre: Inspirational Romance

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Romance Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through September 24.

This week’s questions:

1. Is this a good opening scene?

2. Do the logistics of her collision with the man make sense?

3. Do you care about Sarah yet?

4. Overuse of progressive verbs?

Market/Genre: Romance

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This MG Sci Fi Opening Working?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 6.

This week’s questions:

1. Is this a good opening for a MG sci-fi book?

2. Does the chapter title suggest that the setting is on another planet?

3. Do you see any potential problems as to why literary agents would reject my manuscript based on the first page?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade Science Fiction

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Romance Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through July 30.

This week’s questions:

Am I showing or telling how/what he thinks? What should I improve on? Does it make it obvious that he's completely in love with this girl? Does this opening work?

Market/Genre: YA Romance

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Suspense Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through July 2.

This week’s question:

Does this opening work for a suspenseful women's novel?

Market/Genre: Suspense

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Opening Flashback Working?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through July 2.

This week’s question:

Does the opening need to change in the historical fiction novel of a family that brings to justice the murderer other sister while developing the story of Elaine as one who is fearful of childbirth and new life? It goes immediately to a flashback after Elaine is given the news of her sister’s death and burial without the notification of the family, who live only ten miles away. Is the flashback working?

Market/Genre: Historical Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening Scene Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 11.

This week’s question:

Does this works well as a first scene?

Market/Genre: Christian Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: If You Were an Agent, Would You Read On?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four
 
Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through May 7.

This week’s question: Would this first page make an agent want to read more?

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Romance Opening Intrigue You to Read More?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through April 16.

This week’s question: Does this opening of YA romance intrigue you to read more?

Market/Genre: YA Romance

On to the diagnosis…