Real Life Diagnostics: Can You Feel Any Tension or Conflict in This Scene?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 16.

This week’s questions:

1. Is it showing vs telling?

2. Can you feel any tension or conflict? 

Market/Genre: Romantic Comedy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Opening Working?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through January 26.

This week’s questions:

Does this opening work? Does it feel like telling? Would an agent ask for more?

Market/Genre: Romantic thriller

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Scene Make You Want to Keep Reading?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 15.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this scene make you want to keep reading?

2. Does it show, not tell?

3. Is there enough information/description to set the scene for the reader?

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Finding Conflict in Flash Fiction

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 8.

This week’s questions:

1. If the plot and conflict strong enough?

2. Does the prose sing?

3. Is the fight exciting?

4. Is the Show/Tell a good balance?

Market/Genre: Fan-fiction fantasy mash up of Harry Potter and Star Wars

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening Have a Strong Emotional Impact?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 4.

This week’s questions:

1. Does the story qualify as literary fiction?

2. What are your thoughts about the story? Did it have an emotional impact on you without being overly sentimental?

3. What are the strengths and weaknesses of this short story?

4. If this were the opening story of a short story collection, would you proceed to read the whole collection?

5. Has this story done justice to the depth of tragedy of the situation?

6. Which adjectives would you use to describe this short story?

7. What advice will you give to improve the craft of the story?

Market/Genre: Literary short story

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Read On?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 
   
Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 30.

This week’s questions:

1. Is the heroine dropped in the middle of the trouble?

2. Is there any “telling”?

3. Is there interior monologue without action?

4. Would you want to read on? 

Market/Genre: Christian Women’s Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Keep Reading This Historical Mystery?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 24.

This week’s questions:

1. Will you want to keep reading?

2. Is there enough description?

3. Am I showing rather than telling?

Market/Genre: Historical Mystery

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Keep Reading?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.


If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 
 
Submissions currently in the queue: Two

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 17.

This week’s questions:

1. Does it have enough internalization, description, or narration?

2. Am I showing, not telling?

3. Does the dialogue sound natural and believable?

4. Would you want to keep reading?

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Can You Visualize the Setting?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 16.

This week’s questions:

1. Is the voice consistent?

2. Can you visualize the setting?

3. Is the show/tell balanced?

4. Would you want to keep reading?

Market/Genre: Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Fantasy Opening Draw Your In?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through November 11.

This week’s questions:

Does the hint of backstory related to the primary character's sword feel intriguing or too much to handle this early? Does the close 3rd person POV maintain throughout the scene? Regarding the sentence: "The squeak of grinding gears was faint, but unmistakable." Is the phrase "but unmistakable" seem like it is telling? To me, it heightens the drama and is something that the character would think, so I don't believe I have lost the close 3rd person POV. Do you agree?

Regarding the phrase: "Facial muscles twisted against even a single blink." This is telling, but I feel it's OK in this instance. Do you agree? If not, what would you recommend for a rewrite? Regarding the sentence: "Though the elevated position armed them with a strategic advantage, the withering brush provided minimal concealment." I think this avoids telling as it would be logical for the primary character to be thinking in these terms. Do you agree? Regarding the phrase: "His hand floated to the hilt..." I am not one of those authors opposed to writing in the style of the "disembodied body part". What are your thoughts on this?

Is the setting clear? Have I succeeded in adding in enough conflict? (Conflict between the two characters and also the pending conflict with whatever is lurking in the orchard) Do the characters feel real? Do you feel tension/danger at the end? Any other Show, Don't Tell opportunities?

Market/Genre: Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Opening Compel You to Read On?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through October 28.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this opening compel you to keep reading?

2. Am I showing, not telling?

3. It feels a little off somehow. I can't put my finger on it. Can you give me your professional opinion (if that's not too vague)?

Market/Genre: YA Dystopian

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This MG Scene Feel Told or Shown?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through October 28.

This week’s questions:

Is there enough showing in this scene to make it exciting for a reader? Would they want to read on? Is the balance of showing and telling right or is it still just telling? Does the scene work?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This MG Opening Clear Enough to Make You Read On?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through October 28.

This week’s questions:

Is this clear enough for someone to want to read further, is there enough ‘show’.
Market/Genre: Middle Grade

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Horror Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through September 23.

This week’s questions:

Does this opening work? Would you read on? 

Market/Genre: Horror

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening Scene Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 5.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this scene seem to work?

2. Is the POV right?

3. What about when Cole trips and bumps into the table and spills the coffee? 

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Cozy Mystery Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through July 29.

This week’s question:

Does this opening work?

Market/Genre: Cozy Mystery

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Historical Fiction Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Seven 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 24.

This week’s questions:

1. Tut is a six-year-old boy in this scene. Is he coming off as age-appropriate and realistic, or more like a caricature of a child?

2. I'm struggling a bit with point of view. I keep switching between third-person limited (like this scene) and third-person omniscient, trying to figure out which one works best. Does the point of view work in this scene? Do I need to get more into Tut's head?

3. Does this work as an opening?

4. Am I showing or telling?

Market/Genre: Biographical Historical Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Action Scene Clear?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 24.

This week’s questions:

1. Is it clear enough? Can you picture who does what when?

2. Is it vivid enough? I feel that the clearer I make the action of the scene, the more distant and clinical it gets. Does it have too much internalization, description, or narration? Or did I get the balance right?

3. Does the internalization/characterization of the protagonist work?

4. Do I have a blind spot—is there anything you think I should correct/improve on that I didn’t notice? 

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening Scene Work for a Murder Mystery?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Nine 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through May 13.

This week’s question:

Does this work as an opening scene for a sequel to a murder mystery?

Market/Genre: Mystery

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Chapter Opening Show or Tell?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through January 21.

This week’s questions:

1. Is this second beginning page satisfactory, or does it need more work?

2. Do you see anymore show vs tell issues?

3. Is there too much narration?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade Science Fiction

Note: This is a revision from an earlier submission. This is the opening of chapter four.

On to the diagnosis…