Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Middle Grade Opening Draw You In?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through March 16.

This week’s questions:

Does this opening page work? Does the first paragraph pull you in? Or does it sound to young and ordinary?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Scene Work and Grab Your Attention?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 8.

This week’s question:

Does this scene work and grab your attention? 

Market/Genre: Middle Grade

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Scene Working?

Critique By Maria D'Marco 

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 
 
Submissions currently in the queue: Two

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 4.

This week’s questions:

1. Is the scene working?

2. Did it make you want to read on?

Market/Genre: Psychological Suspense

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Crime Fiction Opening Hook You?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.


If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 
 
Submissions currently in the queue: Two

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through July 21.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this first chapter opening hook you?

2. Would you want to read on?

3. Does it bother you that the protagonist’s “real” name/identity is not revealed until the last line of the chapter?

Market/Genre: Crime Fiction/Suspense

Warning: colorful language ahead

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Keep Reading This YA Fantasy Opening?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through July 14.

This week’s questions:

1. Would you want to keep reading?

2. Is the description too much at this point?

3. Does it sound like Fantasy or is the language too modern?

4. Does the mental and physical state of the protagonist match her actions?

5. Does this opening work?

Market/Genre: YA Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This YA Opening Strong Enough to Hold Your Interest?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.


If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 
 
Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 9.

This week’s questions:

Is the opening strong enough to hold readers’ interest (especially that of prospective publishers)?

Have I successfully woven background information into internalization?

Is it enough to have internalization as a response/reaction or should a physical/visceral/ physiological effect precede it?

Is the voice reflective of a well read, intelligent, yet insecure, 15-year-old?

Market/Genre: Young Adult / Coming of Age / Literary

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Flash Fiction Tale Grab You?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.


If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 
 
Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through April 14.

This week’s questions:

Was the opening paragraph a good hook? Are there any show/tell issues in the first person POV? Is there really conflict here or is it an improved character study?

Market/Genre: Flash fiction, fantasy noir

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is it Clear What's at Stake?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 24.

This week’s questions:

Is it clear on what's at stake? Do you start to get a feel for the character? Would you want to read more? 

Market/Genre: Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Keep Reading This Historical Mystery?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 24.

This week’s questions:

1. Will you want to keep reading?

2. Is there enough description?

3. Am I showing rather than telling?

Market/Genre: Historical Mystery

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Women’s Fiction Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 10.

This week’s question:

Does this opening work?

Market/Genre: Women's Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Women’s Fiction Opening Work?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: None 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are open.

This week’s question:

Does this opening work? 

Market/Genre: Women's fiction

On to the diagnosis… 

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Keep Reading this YA Fantasy?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through January 6.

This week’s questions:

Does this opening work?

Are you lost or are you able to follow what's happening?

Do you get a sense of the kind of person the main character is?

Did you connect with her and care enough to keep reading?.

Does the scene grab your attention and make you want to know what happens next?

Market/Genre: Young Adult Fantasy (Contemporary/Urban)

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Historical Middle Grade Opening Hook You?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 23.

This week’s questions:

Does the opening hook you? Do you want to read more? Does it give enough information for the reader to understand the setting and the critical issues the MC will face? Alice is 12 and Henry 10: does the dialogue seem too mature for contemporary readers? Does the opening suggest adventure and a bit of mystery?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade Historical Novel set in 1893

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Middle Grade Opening Hook You?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through October 7.

This week’s questions:

Does this opening hook your interest in the MC? Do you understand what is going on for her or do you need more explanation of her condition? Does this opening make you want to keep reading?

Market/Genre: (Upper) middle grade fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Historical Mystery Opening Hook You?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 26.

This week’s question:

I am having great difficulty with my beginning. I'm getting to hate the word "hook". Will this do?

Market/Genre: Historical mystery, set on the home-front WWI UK.

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: The Pitfalls of Starting with a Dream

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 12.

This week’s questions (and a little more background than usual):

The story is a fantasy follows the lives of 2 women - Alyena (the ancestor) and Dena (in the present) who discover they can control dreams. I have started with Alyena, as to bring her in after would feel disjointed (though Dena is the pre-dominant character). Alyena is vital to the story - I have tried deleting her, or starting with Dena, but it doesn't work!

Originally the story started with Alyena and her family travelling, a lot further back in the story, but I have changed it to try to start with more action. Alyena wakes from this dream to find the caravan under attack and her Uncle killed at the reins to complete a short prologue. I can't start beyond the dream, as it is integral to the story later and the fight scene feeds into the dream as she is waking. I have changed the start several times (having a brooding feeling in the woods, starting with the attacker lying in wait), but none of it was right so I have come back to starting with just the dream.

I am aware that the first few lines are the hook. Is this beginning enough of a hook, or is it too placid? How important is it to start in the action? (should I go back to the original start where there is no fighting and try to find a hook there?). Also, the book is essentially about dreaming, but I am aware that agents aren't keen on the dream sequence start. Can I get away with it in this instance (bearing in mind the theme) or is that a reason to start elsewhere? (Chapter 2 begins with Dena dreaming as well).

Market/Genre: Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Early Reader Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through July 29.

This week’s questions:

I had some feedback suggesting that I don't start with a noise and also to make Johnny stronger as he is the protagonist not Granny. Does this work?

I will be pitching this at a conference, so I would like to know if these first words hook the reader (or in this case Editor!).

Market/Genre: Early Reader

Note: This is a revised opening. The original can be found here for those curious to see how this writer reworked it.

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Historical Fiction Opening Grab You?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through July 29.

This week’s questions:

1. Does the opening work?

2. Are the voice and characterization working?

3. Would you read on?

4. Any red flags?

Market/Genre: Historical Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This an Engaging Middle Grade Voice?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Nine 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 24.

This week’s questions:

1. Is it compelling enough to read on?

2. Does it have a strong and engaging voice?

3. Is the setting and situation understandable (at least given that some details haven't been revealed yet)?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Fantasy Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eleven 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 3.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this YA fantasy opening work?

2. Would you read on?

3. Any red flags here?

Market/Genre: Young Adult Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…