Real Life Diagnostics: Can You Visualize the Setting?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 16.

This week’s questions:

1. Is the voice consistent?

2. Can you visualize the setting?

3. Is the show/tell balanced?

4. Would you want to keep reading?

Market/Genre: Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Fantasy Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eleven 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 10.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this scene work?

2. Is there anything I can do to improve the clarity of the setting?

Market/Genre: YA Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Engaging Enough for a First Scene?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Seven 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through January 21.

This week’s questions:

1. Is this engaging enough for a first scene?

2. Is this combination (inner conflict & she being locked and alone) overwhelming?

3. Are the descriptions enough for you to picture the scene?

Market/Genre: Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This MG Sci Fi Opening Working?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 6.

This week’s questions:

1. Is this a good opening for a MG sci-fi book?

2. Does the chapter title suggest that the setting is on another planet?

3. Do you see any potential problems as to why literary agents would reject my manuscript based on the first page?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade Science Fiction

Real Life Diagnostics: Using Emotion to Hook Readers

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through November 29.

This week’s questions:

Do you get a sense of scene, particularly the house being impressive in some way? Do you get a sense of how the protagonist (Alexis- she is named before the page is out) is feeling in this moment? What are you curious about and what areas need to be fleshed out more to increase your interest?

Market/Genre: Young Adult

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Are There Enough Details to Describe This Setting?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four (+ 1 Resubmit) 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through April 12. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

This week’s questions:

Is it enough information to form a setting? If not, what's a good way to slip it in there subtly? As for the comment about Olivia's hair, can you assume it's black? Is there enough voice (or maybe too much)? Do you have any small pointers even though it's only about 250 words? 

Market/Genre: Unspecified

NOTE: There's a revised snippet at the bottom, so just scroll down if you'd like to see how the writer revised.

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Hit the Ground Running: Do You Feel Grounded in the Scene?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

This week’s questions:

Are you engaged by this opening and would you want to read on? Do you feel grounded enough in the scene?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Are We Grounded? Setting the Scene and Engaging the Reader

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight

This week’s questions:

This is the opening of a YA mystery novel I'm working on. I'm wondering if this opening is strong enough and engaging enough. Does it give adequate sense of voice and place and include enough tension? Should I cut or postpone the inclusion of anything?

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: A Guy Walks Into a Bar...Setting and Secondary Characters

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight

This week’s question:

This excerpt is about 30k words in, and the main characters and settings have already been established. I'm introducing a secondary character and a completely different setting, and wanted opinions on whether I did it effectively. My questions:

1. Is the transition from setting to character smooth/effective?

2. Do you get a good sense of the setting, or is more needed?

3. What are your impressions of Caden, and would you want to read more about him?

And finally...Do you think the content is ok for YA?

On to the diagnosis…