Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Fight Scene Working?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Zero

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are open.

This week’s question:

Is this fight scene working?

Market/Genre: YA Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Action Scene Clear?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 24.

This week’s questions:

1. Is it clear enough? Can you picture who does what when?

2. Is it vivid enough? I feel that the clearer I make the action of the scene, the more distant and clinical it gets. Does it have too much internalization, description, or narration? Or did I get the balance right?

3. Does the internalization/characterization of the protagonist work?

4. Do I have a blind spot—is there anything you think I should correct/improve on that I didn’t notice? 

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening, With More Action, Work Better?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 17.

This week’s question:

Does this opening, with more action, work better than the original?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Start With the Action, or the Characters?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 13.

This week’s question: I've received so many different ideas, advice and suggestions, and don't know now if I'm on the right track. I was told to tell something about the characters before jumping into the action, and that is what I've tried to do with the first few paragraphs. What do you think? 

Market/Genre: YA Romantic Thriller

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Keeping Action Scenes Clear and Interesting

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Nine (+ two re-submits)

Note: Right now I'm booked up to October 5 on submissions. I'll try to double up on the weekends when I can to clear out the queue, but I'm also currently swamped with other writer and day job responsibilities. Sorry about that, guys! I'll get to them all soon as I can.

This week’s questions:

Is the narration or the showing and the action clear? Does the dialogue keep readers interested or add to the action? How's the voice?

Market/Genre: Sword and Sorcery Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This too Blow by Blow? Writing Action Scenes

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

This week’s questions:

Is this scene is too 'blow-by-blow' and disconnected from the perspective of the heroine? And if so, what can I do about it?

Market/Genre: Not specified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Getting the Action Back Into Fight Scenes

Real Life Diagnostics is a recurring column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Note: This is the last submission in the queue, so it's a good time to send something in.

This week’s question:
I have several fight scenes (swords, fists, staves, full on street battles) and find the going difficult describing the action in the POV that I have chosen. My favorite authors for fight scenes write in First Person. I keep turning to their books when I get stuck. I associate my male MC with some of theirs. But then, I feel a little lost, trying to translate first person to third person. I find I have to do a lot of rewrite because the action gets vague with "He kicked him..." (Which guy is which?) or I use the names over and over again, just to be sure the reader knows whose sword plunged into whose gut.

Do you have any advice?

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Less Exposition? More Action? You Decide

Greg the troll.

Real Life Diagnostics is a recurring column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

This week’s questions:
(1) Does this work as an opening?
(2) Does it make you want to keep reading?
(3) Do I need 'a little less exposition, a little more action'?

On to the diagnosis…