Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Narration Confusing?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through September 15.

This week’s questions:

Can I jump around in time (and some POV) in a short story? 

The narration has both present and past tense. Does this confuse the reader? 

Does the title work as a play on the day and the outcome to the story? 

Am I asking the reader to intuit and deduce too much. For example, the man wants to kill himself on a Sunday because that is the day his wife died? The wife helped the man make decisions, and he recalls her words because of the sunshine, and that forces him to make a decision. Too much?

Market/Genre: Short Story

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Opening Compel You to Read On?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through October 28.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this opening compel you to keep reading?

2. Am I showing, not telling?

3. It feels a little off somehow. I can't put my finger on it. Can you give me your professional opinion (if that's not too vague)?

Market/Genre: YA Dystopian

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Come Into My World: Getting Readers Onboard Without Infodumping

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six

This week’s questions:

I have been told "don't open with dialogue", but I have also seen the need to open in the middle of a situation and not being info-dumpy. Since this scene establishes the MC and an important secondary character (who isn't human), I want to make sure the opening flows well, is not confusing and doesn't do the opposite of info dumping--not explaining enough.

Market/Genre: Urban Fantasy

NOTE: There's a new opening for an older post for those curious to see how the writer changed things.

On to the diagnosis…