Real Life Diagnostics: The Pitfalls of Starting with a Dream

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 12.

This week’s questions (and a little more background than usual):

The story is a fantasy follows the lives of 2 women - Alyena (the ancestor) and Dena (in the present) who discover they can control dreams. I have started with Alyena, as to bring her in after would feel disjointed (though Dena is the pre-dominant character). Alyena is vital to the story - I have tried deleting her, or starting with Dena, but it doesn't work!

Originally the story started with Alyena and her family travelling, a lot further back in the story, but I have changed it to try to start with more action. Alyena wakes from this dream to find the caravan under attack and her Uncle killed at the reins to complete a short prologue. I can't start beyond the dream, as it is integral to the story later and the fight scene feeds into the dream as she is waking. I have changed the start several times (having a brooding feeling in the woods, starting with the attacker lying in wait), but none of it was right so I have come back to starting with just the dream.

I am aware that the first few lines are the hook. Is this beginning enough of a hook, or is it too placid? How important is it to start in the action? (should I go back to the original start where there is no fighting and try to find a hook there?). Also, the book is essentially about dreaming, but I am aware that agents aren't keen on the dream sequence start. Can I get away with it in this instance (bearing in mind the theme) or is that a reason to start elsewhere? (Chapter 2 begins with Dena dreaming as well).

Market/Genre: Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Can I Get Away With This? Starting With a Dream

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Seven

Note: Due to the RLD backlog, I'll be running them on Sunday as well for a few weeks to catch up. Having to wait two months for a critique is just too long.

This week’s questions:

I started this story as a short story but it turned out to be a novel. I started out with a dream and I know that is a no-no but the reader should know that this is a dream and not be surprised when he wakes up. He is given a ring in this dream and that's what gets the story going. What I want to know is can I get away with this and are you drawn in or just lost?

On to the diagnosis…