WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Writing a Non-Human POV

Critique by Maria D'Marco

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Seven

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through November 27.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this opening work to hook the reader?

2. Does it establish the "alien" POV of the protagonist?

3. Does it establish the initial conflict and goal?

4. Does it need to be clear to the reader that this is a lab if the protagonist does not understand that concept?

Market/Genre: Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at a Romantic Suspense First Page

Critique by Maria D'Marco

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through October 30.

This week’s question:

1. Does this opening work?

Market/Genre: Romantic Suspense

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Starting with Action in an Opening Scene

Critique by Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through September 25.

This week’s questions:

I’d appreciate your opinion on whether this opening captures the reader’s attention without losing them wondering what’s happening, when and where. I’ve had some critiques mention that starting in the action has to ‘be earned’, so I’d be interested in your take on it. I’m trying to tell less and show more without leaving too much out.

Market/Genre: YA Post-Apocalyptic

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at a Historical Fiction First Page

Critique by Maria D'Marco

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Six

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through September 25.

This week’s question:

Does this opening scene work?

Market/Genre: Historical Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Drawing Readers into Your Novel

Critique by Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Seven

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through September 25.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this work?

2. Would a reader want to read on and find out what happens next?

Market/Genre: Science Fiction Political Thriller

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Hooking Readers with Action on the Opening Page

Critique by Maria D'Marco

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through September 25.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this opening scene hook the reader? Does it work?

Market/Genre: Romantic Suspense

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Narrative Flow in a Sci-Fi Opening

Critique by Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Seven

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through September 11.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this opening work?

2. Does this page start the story with a strong enough premise to interest the reader?

3. There is no dialogue with another human so is the internalization effective?

Market/Genre: Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Piquing Reader Interest on Page One

Critique by Maria D'Marco

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through August 21.

This week’s question:

By diving into the inciting incident in the first 280 words of ch 1, will it peak the reader’s interest or is it too jarring?

Market/Genre: Paranormal Mystery

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Narrative Flow in an Opening Scene

Critique by Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through August 14.

This week’s questions:

1. The main threat hasn’t materialized yet, but do you get the sense that something interesting might happen soon? In other words, does it pique your curiosity enough to keep reading?

2. Is the POV character’s voice coming across?

3. How is the balance between dialogue, internalization, and description? My writing tends to be short on description, but I’m worried I may have gone overboard and now have too much.

Market/Genre: Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Enticing Readers into Your Opening Scene

Critique by Maria D'Marco

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through July 31.

This week’s questions:

1. What are the shortcomings that are in most need of correction?

2. Would this beginning entice the reader enough to continue with the story?

Market/Genre: Short Story

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Show, Don’t Tell and POV

Critique by Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through July 24.

This week’s questions:

1. Main concern: Is there telling detected that should be deleted or can be corrected? Suggestions?

2. Is there enough at stake?

3. Is the scene grounded enough in description?

4. Is there enough about Malia to make the reader care or sympathize with her?

5. Anything outstanding that could use revising?

Market/Genre: Romantic Suspense

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at a Historical Fiction First Page

Critique by Maria D'Marco

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through July 24.

This week’s question:

1. Based on the small portion of the novel I've provided, would you read further?

Market/Genre: Historical Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Tension in a Mystery Opening

Critique by Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Six

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through July 24.

This week’s questions:

1. Is there enough tension to make you keep reading?

2. Are the characters clear and differentiated?

3. Does the showing reveal character and propel plot?

Market/Genre: Murder Mystery

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Voice and Hooks in a Literary Opening

Critique by Maria D'Marco

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through July 10.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this opening work?

2. Does the voice sound unique to the reader to get hooked?

Market/Genre: Literary Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Finding an Opening that Reflects the Novel

Critique by Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through July 3.

This week’s question:

1. Is this a good "hook" / book opening?

Market/Genre: YA Contemporary with Romantic Elements

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Piquing Reader Curiosity on the First Page

Critique by Maria D'Marco

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Six

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through July 3.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this piece provide enough information to make you care?

2. How's the voice? Do you get a sense of the character's personality?

3. Would you read on?

4. Would it throw you when later it is revealed that this character is the villain?

Market/Genre: YA Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at a YA Fantasy First Page

Critique by Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through June 19.

This week’s questions:

1. Is this a good opening scene? Would you pay to read on, if this were a genre you liked?

2. Is Prentice (the MC) likeable? Can you empathize with her?

3. Are the stakes big enough for a YA novel?

4. Prentice's family is Chinese/British and they live in the UK. Is this setting clear or confusing? (Might I need to say they're in London, for example.)

5. Is there too much information in this scene for the reader to process?

6. Is the voice right for YA?

Market/Genre: Young Adult Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Making Readers Care Enough to Read On

Critique by Maria D'Marco

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Six

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through June 19.

This week’s questions:

1. Would this opening make you want to turn the page? (Right after this opening, he goes to a jazz club and meets a woman who may turn out to be The One.)

2. Is the character of Noah likeable, or interesting, enough? (He's a fairly successful writer who lives alone and is lonely, (though he doesn't know it) and just agreed to join a sailing crew to race around the world for 3-5 months.)

3. Do you need to know more about him to care what happens to him?

Market/Genre: Commercial Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at the Importance of Clarity on the Opening Page

Critique by Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Two

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are booked through May 15.

This week’s question:

1. Does this opening work?

Market/Genre: Young Adult

On to the diagnosis…

WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at Piquing Reader Curiosity on Page One

Critique by Maria D'Marco

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: None

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are open.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this opening work?

2. Would you turn the page?

Market/Genre: Psychological Fiction

On to the diagnosis…