3 Easy Edits for Better Emotional Descriptions

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

The wrong words can flatten the right feelings—learn how to spot them and breathe emotion back into your scenes.

Ever read a scene that should hit you right in the feels, but somehow doesn’t? The words are there, the setup is solid, but emotionally, it falls flat. 

That disconnect often comes down to the wrong word in the right place. A frown where there should be fear. A smile that doesn’t carry the weight of what’s unspoken. 

The smallest word choices can make or break a reader’s emotional connection—and when that connection breaks, so does their investment in the story.

The right word can mean the difference between connecting emotionally with a reader and having them forget a character’s name. The more they connect, the more likely it is that they’ll love the story. The more they love the story, the more likely they are to tell all their friends about it and buy the next one. 

That Sounds Familiar: Cut Often-Used Words in Your Writing

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

It takes a lot of work to write well, and sometimes we go for what's easiest instead of what's original. 

During the drafting stage of a manuscript, some phrases and combinations of words tend to roll off our fingers and into our stories because they're easy. These phrases aren’t clichés, per se, but they’ve been used so often by enough writers that they carry the same feeling as a cliché when readers read them.

• Beamed a smile
• Cacophony of sound
• Shrugged a shoulder
• Hair flowed down her back
• Any kind of glow from any kind of light
• Releasing a breath you didn't realize you were holding

They also tend to sound “right” to us, and that's the problem. 

We automatically use them without thinking, and that robs us of the chance to write something unique to our voice and style.

5 Edits to Strengthen Your Writing, Right Now

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Making some simple word edits can turn a flat scene into one that sings.

Back when I was first learning how to write, I loved discovering a great writing tip--the ones I could immediately apply to my work and see actual improvement were the best. I got especially excited over lists of words or specific examples, because I could search and find the weak areas right away. Which is probably why I like to do a lot of lists and examples now in my own articles.

While there's nothing inherently wrong with a "weak word," they do tend to hang around trouble areas--just like those red flag words with show, don't tell. They're good places to start when something feels off in your work or you're getting negative feedback and aren't sure why. 

If you're looking for easy ways to improve your writing, here are great words to search for to identify potentially weak areas.

Let's a take a peek at a few of the more common troublemakers that often pull readers out of a story.

Tighten Your Novel with a Preposition Patrol

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

A tighter novel helps keeps readers engaged in the story.

When I first started writing, my novels were long. Like, seriously long. This isn’t unusual for a new writer, and like countless ones before me, I set out to learn how to trim some of those excess words from my manuscript.

One of the things I discovered was the, “words you don’t always need” advice. On that list was “cut prepositions.”

I’d learned enough about writing at that point to know you shouldn’t heed advice without understanding the reasoning behind it, so I sat down and studied why prepositions and prepositional phrases were so awful.

What I found was—they aren’t.

Turning Good Writing into Great Writing

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

The first words you write aren’t always the right words to use.

Tuesday, I spent at least a half hour writing one line—and it wasn’t an opening line. I was working on a new scene for my science fiction detective novel, and it’s an emotion-packed scene right after the Dark Moment that tacks onto the All Is Lost Moment. It’s one those “this is where the protagonist reveals secrets they’d been keeping from someone important in their life, and it goes badly” situations.

I reached the end of the scene and had my upset character storm off, and then dropped the last line of the chapter.

I knew the final line was the right way to end, but it just felt meh.

I also knew the action lines leading up to it were the right ones, but they also felt meh.

Did You Choose the Best Words to Describe Your Setting?

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Your reader doesn’t know what you’re picturing when you write a scene. Make sure they see what you see.

Setting is a vital component of a novel, but it's one of the more awkward things to write naturally. People don't stop and describe the landscape, so having characters who do can feel forced and knock a reader right out of the story.

It gets even more complicated when you think about how pretty much every scene needs its setting described so readers know where they are. But if you over describe, or use the wrong details, readers can get bored and start skimming, or get confused and stop reading.

In a critique, such descriptions often get feedback such as: "The setting didn't feel real to me" or "I never felt grounded in this world" or even "I just never connected to the character."

Seems So: Are Your Characters Misleading Your Readers?

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Things might not always be what the seem. 

One of the many strengths of point of view (POV) is that readers get to experience the story world through the eyes of your POV character. And characters can assume incorrectly, have an unfair opinion, or just flat out be wrong. 

But sometimes ambiguity sneaks in there when you don't mean it to, and you're not actually saying what you intended to say.

Enter the word seemed.

Seemed isn't always what it seems. Sometimes it reads like an opinion the POV character is making, and others it reads like the author explaining what they know about the situation. And there's a wide gray area where those two overlap, due to narrative distance and point of view.  

The Real Problem With Passive Voice in Fiction

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Passive voice in a novel can put your readers right to sleep.

Before we dive in, a little heads up that I'm over at Writers in the Storm today, chatting about how to use clichés, metaphors, and similes to bring your story world to life.  Come on over and say hello.

And now on to our regularly scheduled article...

“Avoid the passive voice” is one of those pieces of advice most writers have heard and likely struggled with at some point. It’s good advice, since revising passive into active typically makes the sentence stronger, but like all things writing, simply doing it because people say so isn’t always the best idea.

Without understanding why a passive voice causes trouble, you might rewrite it when its actually the best thing for your story at that moment. It does have it’s uses after all.

So first, let's look at what passive voice means.

I used to be one of those folks who wrongly equated passive voice with all forms of the "to be" verb, and I'm guessing I'm not the only one. Because quite often, a “to be” verb is at the heart of a troublesome sentence, but a “to be” verb doesn't always signal passive writing. 

The Importance of Commas, Meter, and Reading Aloud for the Fiction Writer

By Dario Ciriello, @Dario_Ciriello 

Part of the How They Do It Series

JH: How your writing sounds is just as important as how it reads. Dario Ciriello discusses how rhythm and meter work to create memorable writing.

I recently completed an edit for a client, Cordia Pearson¹, whom I’d gently persuaded to let me introduce Oxford commas into her list phrases. The reasoning for this is that using the Oxford (aka serial) comma never does any harm, and can prevent serious confusion. Consider the sentence,

My parents, Jesus, and Lady Gaga taught me all I know.

If you remove the serial comma after Jesus, the meaning changes, and not for the better.

Want a Tighter Point of View? Ditch the Filter Words in Your Novel

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

If you’re using filter words in your writing, you might be inadvertently shoving readers out of your story.

No matter who your narrator is—a tight first person or an omniscient third—readers see the novel through their eyes. Sometimes this filter is invisible and readers don't notice any narrative distance between them and the point of view character. Other times, the filters are obvious and readers feel the wall between them and the characters. One narrative style looks through the eyes of the point of view character, the other looks at the point of view character.

Readers (and writers) have a variety of tastes when it comes to narrative distance and point of view. Some readers want to be inside a character’s head and part of the action, and some prefer to sit outside the action and watch. Where you put your narrator affects how the novel reads, and filter words—or lack thereof—helps you position that narrator.

Do or Do Not. There is No Try: Clarifying What Your Characters Do

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

The word “try” can send all the wrong signals to your reader.

Characters “try to” do a lot of things in stories. They try to get up, they try to hide, they try to hold back tears. But what the writer really means, is the character got up, they hid behind the couch and were found anyway, or they blinked back tears welling in their eyes.

The “try” isn’t describing the action, it’s describing the motive, which is another form of telling, not showing. The trying weakens the writing, and isn’t putting enough of what’s actually happening on the page for readers to understand the action.

Not that “trying to” act is a bad thing. If the motive is more important than the action, “trying” works just fine and conveys what the author wants readers to know. But more often than not, “trying” is unclear, and readers are left wondering if the character accomplished what they tried to do or not.

Is This Right? A Commonly Misused Words Quiz

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

 
Take this quick quiz to see if you know how to use these five commonly misused words.

Being a writer is all about using the right word for the job, but there are some words that trip up just about everyone. Words such as farther or further, lay or lie, and the always troublesome affect or effect. I can’t tell you how often I’ve puzzled over that last one, since it’s particularly tricky.

It doesn't help that these words are frequently used incorrectly in the real world, either. We get so used to seeing the wrong usage that we don't even noticed it when we goof up.

Take this quiz and see how well you know your commonly misused words:

Word of Honor: Revising Your Book for Word Choice

By Rochelle Melander, @WriteNowCoach

Part of The How They Do It Series

JH: The right word at the right time can turn a bland sentence into a memorable one. Rochelle Melander discusses ways word choice impacts your writing.

Rochelle Melander is an author, speaker, and certified professional coach. Melander is the author of 11 books including Level Up: Quests to Master Mindset, Overcome Procrastination and Increase Productivity. As the owner of Write Now! Coach, Rochelle teaches writers, professionals, and business owners how to turn their ideas into books, navigate the publishing world, and connect with readers through social media.

Website | Goodreads | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

Take it away Rochelle…

I Had to Do This: Clarifying Ambiguous Pronouns

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Ambiguous pronouns can muddy a scene, and cause unintentional hilarity. Make sure yours are clear. 

Ambiguous pronouns creep into our work and they're not always easy to spot. We know what they refer to because we wrote them, but if the pronoun isn't near what the referenced noun was, or there are a lot of nouns in the sentence, it's not always clear to readers. It can trip them up and make them pause to figure out what we mean.

It, this, and that are prime offenders.

Exactly what is it referring to?

It is used often when writing, and most of the time it's easy to figure out what it refers to.

Let's try some examples:

Bob grabbed the shotgun and ran for the box of shells sitting on a crate by the ax. It wasn't enough, but he needed every weapon he could find right now.

Okay, what is the "it" here referring to?

Five Ways to Kick Your Writing up a Notch

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

The path to stronger writing happens a step at a time. 

There's a moment in writing when we know our work is good, but not great, and we're not sure how to get it there. We're doing everything right, our beta readers love the book, but we just can't quite boost the writing high enough to land that agent, get that publishing deal, or sell the amount books we want to.

This is a frustrating place to be.

It can make us doubt our skill, and worry we don't have what it takes to be a writer. It can make us doubt our novels and wonder if the idea is viable. It can make us doubt our dreams.

The good news is, it might only take a few small changes to nudge the writing to the next level.

Here are five ways to give your writing a boost.

How to Set Tone and Mood in Your Scenes

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Setting the right tone can go a long way to drawing readers into your story and keeping their attention.

I'm a little weird when it comes to scary movies. I enjoy (most) of them, but sometimes I also get so tense I can't watch them. I figured out ages ago it the music that gets me, not the scene itself. It pokes at my emotions, and builds the tension in a masterful way that raises my anticipation and fear. This also happens in games during boss fights or any mission with really stressful music.

When a movie or game starts getting to me, I mute the volume and all that built-up tension drops to the floor.

What do movie scores have to do with tone and mood?

A Look at Literary Devices: What Is Motif?

By Sherry Howard, @SherLHoward

Part of The How They Do It Series

JH: Sometimes deep and meaningful writing just happens, but usually the writer put time and effort into making it look so effortless. Sherry Howard returns to the lecture hall this month to talk about motifs and how they strengthen our writing. 

Sherry Howard lives in Middletown, Kentucky, in a household busy with kids and pets. She worked as an educator, and now has the luxury of writing full time. Her debut picture book, Rock and Roll Woods, released in October, 2018. And her middle grade NF, Deep Sea Divers, just released. She has more books in the pipeline for publication soon.

Sherry loves to meet other readers and writers, so be in touch on social media here:

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Goodreads

Take it away Sherry…

Choosing the Right Words for the Scene: Subtle Changes Can Make a Difference

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

A single word or phrase can alter how a sentence reads. 

It always tickles me how a single edit can dramatically effect a piece of writing. The power of language and how we choose to wield it is what sets one writer apart from another. It's in our voices, our styles, and how we tell our tales.

Mark Twain famously calls it the difference between lightning and a lightning bug, but it's more than that. The decision to use filter words versus not, to use description versus internalization, to embrace a character's voice or the author's voice--these choices all shape the writing in unique ways. It's also why ten writers can take the same premise and create ten different novels. Just look at how many re-tellings exist, from Romeo & Juliet, to fairy tales, to stories that all draw from the same thematic archetype.

The words we choose matter. It makes a story ours.

The Grammar Chicken: Helping Writers Write

By Aly Brown, @AlyConnerBrown

Part of the How They Do It Series

JH: Something fun and informative today, as Aly Brown returns to the lecture hall with her Grammar Chicken. Yes, that's right. A chicken that helps writers keep track of commonly misused words. Believe it or not, those are two of my favorite things (Well, chickens, and helping writers).

Aly Brown is a newspaper editor and author represented by BookEnds LLC. She recently inked a deal with Feiwel & Friends / Macmillan for a nonfiction middle grade book on Alvin Submersible called The Last Unexplored Place on Earth. Release date 2023.

Website | Twitter | Grammar Chicken

Take it away Aly...

Wait For It: Hook Lines and the Dramatic Pause

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

All novels need those "Dum--Dum--DUM!" moments to keep readers hooked and turning the pages.  

There are a lot of ways to control the pacing on your stories, and one of my favorites is the dramatic pause. Not only does it draw attention to what’s usually a great line, it gives readers a moment to fully appreciate whatever it is you just said. They’re the lines that give readers goosebumps and think, “man, this is gonna be good.”

The dramatic pause is frequently found in hook lines--those one-line phrases that add punch to a scene. Their job is to hook you and keep you reading. What makes them work so well is that they’re often (though not always) set apart in their own paragraph, a moment of silence that catches the eye and makes you pay a little more attention to them. They carry meaning, hint at what’s to come, and often pinpoint some critical aspect of the story in some way.