Wait For It: Hook Lines and the Dramatic Pause

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

All novels need those "Dum--Dum--DUM!" moments to keep readers hooked and turning the pages.  

There are a lot of ways to control the pacing on your stories, and one of my favorites is the dramatic pause. Not only does it draw attention to what’s usually a great line, it gives readers a moment to fully appreciate whatever it is you just said. They’re the lines that give readers goosebumps and think, “man, this is gonna be good.”

The dramatic pause is frequently found in hook lines--those one-line phrases that add punch to a scene. Their job is to hook you and keep you reading. What makes them work so well is that they’re often (though not always) set apart in their own paragraph, a moment of silence that catches the eye and makes you pay a little more attention to them. They carry meaning, hint at what’s to come, and often pinpoint some critical aspect of the story in some way.

Let’s look at a snippet from my third novel Darkfall. There are several potential hook lines in this section, and I could have gone with any of them.

“I know it’s risky,” Ipstan said, “but we’ll need every advantage we can get.”

Just like they’d need every weapon they could get. But I didn’t want to be that girl, or that weapon. If he was willing to do this, what else was he willing to do to win? Was he also after the girl who shattered the League, crumbled the palace, broke the Undying? Was that what he really wanted from me?

What do you take away from this? There’s a good chance what you remember most is the last line. Last lines are typically where the important stuff appears. Here, it’s wondering what this guy really wants from her. But is that enough of a hook to make you read on? Maybe, since it’s a question, and Nya worries about it, but it can be a lot stronger just by making it a hook line.

“I know it’s risky,” Ipstan said, “but we’ll need every advantage we can get.”

Just like they’d need every weapon they could get. But I didn’t want to be that girl, or that weapon. If he was willing to do this, what else was he willing to do to win? Was he also after the girl who shattered the League, crumbled the palace, broke the Undying?

Was that what he really wanted from me?

It stands out more now, doesn’t it? It draws attention to this question. However, knowing what he really wants isn’t the strongest thing in this paragraph (Can you spot the better ones?). Nya wonders it, and the reader probably is wondering that as well, but knowing what he wants isn’t causing Nya to act or make any decisions yet. It hints at it, but it could still be stronger.

Here’s the final version, with the hook lines I eventually chose:

“I know it’s risky,” Ipstan said, “but we’ll need every advantage we can get.”

Just like they’d need every weapon they could get. If he was willing to do this, what else was he willing to do to win? Was he also after the girl who shattered the League, crumbled the palace, broke the Undying? Was that what he really wanted from me?

I didn’t want to be that girl.

Or that weapon.

See how the question of what he wants from Nya triggers the dramatic pause of the double hook lines? She wonders if he wants something from her she isn’t willing to give. She doesn’t want to be the girl who did all those terrible things. She also doesn’t wasn’t to be a weapon. But he very likely wants her to be both and she knows it, which adds to both the plot, and Nya's internal conflict and character arc.

By moving those hook lines down, I pose the “what does he really want” question, and then focus the reader’s attention on the very things he probably wants, but Nya doesn’t want to give. Conflict, both external and internal, because she knows they really do need every advantage they can get, and she’s the biggest one they have. But what she needs to do she doesn’t want to do, and I made sure the reader is very clear on that by making those lines stand out.

Does Nya become that girl or that weapon is a much more compelling question to wonder about than just what this guy really wants from her. Because that's fairly obvious in the scene.

Take a look at your own manuscript. Do you have a solid hook line every few pages? Can you create one on almost every page?  Can you create more than one?

(Here's more on crafting hook lines)

A dramatic pause with a strong hook line can grab your readers tight and make them dig into the story. Often you have the right line in the wrong place, and by moving things around, seeing how the flow works, you’ll create more tension and bring on the drama.

Do you use consider hook lines when you write, or do they happen naturally?  

Find out more about conflict and tension in my book, Understanding Conflict (And What It Really Means).

With in-depth analysis and easy-to-understand examples, Understanding Conflict (And What It Really Means) teaches you what conflict really is, discusses the various aspects of conflict, and reveals why common advice on creating conflict doesn't always work. It shows you how to develop and create conflict in your novel and explores aspects that affect conflict, as well as clarifying the misconceptions that confuse and frustrate so many writers.

This book will help you:

• Understand what conflict means and how to use it
• Tell the difference between external and internal conflicts
• See why conflict isn't a "one size fits all" solution
• Determine the type of conflict your story needs
• Fix lackluster scenes holding your writing back

Understanding Conflict (And What It Really Means) is more than just advice on what to do and what not to do—it’s a down and dirty examination and analysis of how conflict works, so you can develop it in whatever style or genre you’re writing. By the end of this book, you’ll have a solid understanding of what conflict means and the ability to use it without fear or frustration.

Available in paperback and ebook formats.

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book.

She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.

When she's not writing novels, she's teaching other writers how to improve their craft. She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing.

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*Originally published March, 2011