Want a Tighter Point of View? Ditch the Filter Words in Your Novel

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

If you’re using filter words in your writing, you might be inadvertently shoving readers out of your story.

No matter who your narrator is—a tight first person or an omniscient third—readers see the novel through their eyes. Sometimes this filter is invisible and readers don't notice any narrative distance between them and the point of view character. Other times, the filters are obvious and readers feel the wall between them and the characters. One narrative style looks through the eyes of the point of view character, the other looks at the point of view character.

Readers (and writers) have a variety of tastes when it comes to narrative distance and point of view. Some readers want to be inside a character’s head and part of the action, and some prefer to sit outside the action and watch. Where you put your narrator affects how the novel reads, and filter words—or lack thereof—helps you position that narrator.
 
If you’re goal is a tight point of view and intimate feel, filter words aren’t going to get you there. They’ll actually push your narrator away and make the novel feel detached.

Filter words remind readers they're reading, explain things that are obvious, and often lead a writer into telling.

A point of view character by definition is relaying everything they see, hear, feel, touch, smell, and think. If it's described, readers know they experienced it in some way. The more you filter, the more obvious it is that someone besides the character is telling the tale. Instead of describing what the charters sees, you tell readers they saw something. Instead of showing the effects of an emotion, you tell readers the character had an emotion.

If you’re writing an omniscient narrator or a distant point of view you might want that (and that’s fine), but if you want readers to feel inside the head of your point of view character, filter words will work against you.

(Here’s more with Point of View Basics: Through My Eyes. Or Your Eyes. Or Somebody's Eyes.)

Here are some filter words to watch out for: Saw, heard, felt, knew, watched, decided, noticed, realized, wondered, thought, looked, etc. 

These words all distance readers from the point of view character. They’re also often found with their telling cousins: to see, to hear, could tell, to watch, to decide, to notice, to realize, to wonder, to think, and to look, which pushes readers even farther away.

Let's look at some examples:

Bob saw three zombies shambling toward him.

This is only a narrative step or two away from the point of view character, but it’s still telling readers that Bob saw zombies, not showing Bob seeing them. The action isn’t what Bob saw, but that he saw it.

Bob could see three zombies shambling toward him.

This shoves readers another few steps away and reads even more told. But if we remove the filter words, we put Bob (and readers) right in the action.

Three zombies shambled toward Bob.

Or we can go even tighten into the point of view:

Three zombies shambled toward him.

Readers are now in Bob’s head as he sees the zombies; they’re not being told Bob sees them. It’s a subtle change of a few words, but it makes a different if how close readers feel to the character.

(Here’s more with Keeping Your Distance: How Narrative Distance Works in Your Novel)

Let’s look at a few more:

Jane heard a scream from the hotel bathroom. (or more distant) Jane could hear a scream from the hotel bathroom.

Sally knew she had to get out of there. (or more distant) Sally could tell she had to get out of there.

I felt the cold metal of the shotgun against my back. (or more distant) I could feel the cold metal of the shotgun against my back.

All of these nudge readers away, which can drain the tension right out of a scene.

Look at these same sentences without the filter words:

A scream echoed from the hotel bathroom.

Sally had to get out of there. (or for an even tighter POV) She had to get out of there.

Cold metal pressed against my back.

Without the filter words, these sentences are more active and in the moment, and give a sense of immediacy. It also eliminates that told feeling.

(Here's more on An Easy Fix for a Tighter Point of View)

Sometimes you want a filter word if it's important to draw attention to the act (the feeling, hearing, watching). “Wondered, realized, decided, and noticed” are a little more ambiguous, and can work in a tight point of view under the right circumstances, such as chapter or scene endings. In most cases, eliminating the filter words makes the sentence stronger, but it’s not always what you want.

Bob realized he'd have to make a run for it. vs. He'd have to make a run for it.

Jane wondered if they'd make it out of there alive. vs. Would they'd make it out of there alive?

Sally decided they'd just have to jump and see what happened. vs. They'd just have to jump and see what happened.

I noticed the shotgun was missing. vs. Oh crap, where's the shotgun?

There’s no right or wrong choice here. Just pick which version does the best job for whatever you’re trying to do with that sentence.

(Here's more with Choosing the Right Words for the Scene: Subtle Changes Can Make a Difference)

Remember, your point of view character is already filtering for you. There's no need to remind readers they're doing it.

If you want to write a tight point of view and put readers inside the heads of your characters, eliminating filters words will help you accomplish that.

EXERCISE FOR YOU: Take five minutes and check a scene for filter words. But first, decide if you even need to. Are you using a tight point of view or do you write with a far narrative distance? Where do you want your reader to be?

Do you filter? Is it intentional or unintentional? If intentional, why?

*Originally published July 2012. Last updated August 2021. 

Find out more about show, don't tell in my book, Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It).

With in-depth analysis, Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It) teaches you how to spot told prose in your writing, and discover why common advice on how to fix it doesn't always work. It also explores aspects of writing that aren’t technically telling, but are connected to told prose and can make prose feel told, such as infodumps, description, and backstory.

This book will help you:

• Understand when to tell and when to show
• Spot common red flag words often found in told prose
• Learn why one single rule doesn't apply to all books
• Determine how much telling is acceptable in your writing
• Fix stale or flat prose holding your writing back

Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It) is more than just advice on what to do and what not to do—it’s a down and dirty examination and analysis of how show, don’t tell works, so you  can adapt the “rules” to whatever style or genre you’re writing. By the end of this book, you’ll have a solid understanding of show, don’t tell and the ability to use it without fear or frustration.

Available in paperback and ebook formats.

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book.

She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.

When she's not writing novels, she's teaching other writers how to improve their craft. She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing.

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes | Indie Bound