Real Life Diagnostics: Clarifying Your Goal, Conflict, and Stakes in the Opening Scene

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six (+ 1 Resubmit) 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through April 12. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

This week’s questions:

Does this work as an opening? Would you read more, or put this down?

Market/Genre: YA Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: How Do I Make People Aware That the Story is Worth Waiting For?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six

This week’s questions:

I have a story I have written in adult Fantasy, however, I found out many people have no idea about esoteric terms, so I have had to write a back story to familiarize the reader with the terms and concepts. I am afraid the opening does not grab and inspire to make the reader understand there is a emotionally entertaining journey along the way. How do I make people aware that the story is worth waiting for?

Market/Genre: Fantasy

ED Note: This submission came with a little background (which I usually post first), but as part of the question includes getting readers hooked on a story with a complex world and history, I thought it better to leave that off so readers can offer impressions of the world. The background will come later in the diagnostic.

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: What a Drag: Picking up the Pace in a Slow Scene

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight

This week’s question:

This is a phone conversation between Sue the owner of the ballet company and her choreographer. I have been told that this scene drags the chapter down. I changed it up. Instead of interiority it now consists of dialogue. Does it work now? Or does it still drag?

Market/Genre: Contemporary YA

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Opening Working? Fixing Infodumping and Telling

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

This week’s questions:
Does this opening work?
Is it an adequate hook to keep the reader interested?
Am I telling or showing?
How is the pace?

Market/Genre: Young Adult Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Are We Grounded? Setting the Scene and Engaging the Reader

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight

This week’s questions:

This is the opening of a YA mystery novel I'm working on. I'm wondering if this opening is strong enough and engaging enough. Does it give adequate sense of voice and place and include enough tension? Should I cut or postpone the inclusion of anything?

On to the diagnosis…