Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Keep Reading This Domestic Thriller?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through September 17.

This week’s questions:

1. Does the tone seem right for a domestic thriller?

2. Does the first page hook you? Why or why not?

3. Am I using enough sensory language? Is there a good balance of dialogue, description, action and thought?

4. What do you wonder about where the story is headed?

5. Any other tips for me?

Market/Genre: Domestic Thriller

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Mystery Opening Hook You?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 28.

This week’s questions:

Do you think the book’s opening would hook readers? Does the chapter heading work (trying to create foreboding)? Have I got the YA voice right? Does the tone feel right for a murder mystery or is it too humorous / too light? Does my writing flow? Does my POV work (aside from the opening paragraph, trying to stick to third person limited)? And I’d love to know if you think the overall plot works? Do you think the plot / writing would appeal to agents?

Market/Genre: Young adult

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: It's Horrifying! Starting Out With the Right Tone

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight

Note: Due to the RLD backlog, I'll be running them on Sunday as well for a few weeks to catch up. Having to wait two months for a critique is just too long.

This week’s questions:

This is the very beginning of my WIP. It is a paranormal horror despite the character's age. I'd like to know if it catches the attention - "hooks," if the tone conveys the type of story, is the character sympathetic, and does it even work?

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Voice, Tone, and a Little Bit of Scary

Real Life Diagnostics is a recurring column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

This week’s question:

I want to make sure I'm establishing a strong voice and a sense of immediacy by showing rather than telling (of course). I'm also attempting to develop a slightly ominous tone for my story.

On to the diagnosis…