Stepping Out: A Look at Point of View Shifts

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Slipping out of your point-of-view-character's head can jar a reader right out of the story.

Years ago, I started a book and set it down before I'd finished the first chapter. The precise moment, was when a paragraph began in one character's head, and ended in another character's head. Even worse, those two characters were in different countries, so it wasn't as if it was an omniscient narrator with characters in the same scene. 

That point of view shift killed the book for me, and I've never tried anything by that author since.

If you're unfamiliar with the term, a point of view shift is when the author shifts out of the point-of-view-character's head, either into another character, or showing/explaining something that character couldn’t possibly know.

These sneaky little bits are often told prose, and the most common one is when motive is attributed to a non-point of view character. Another common shift is when a non-point of view character observes something about the point of view character. 

Sometimes readers don’t really notice them (we writers are far pickier on this topic than readers) but they usually jar the reader right out of the story because it’s clear the point of view character wouldn’t know that detail.

Excuse me, your shift is showing.

The super-obvious shift is when the reader is privy to more than one character’s thoughts and perspective in the same scene (or worse, the same paragraph):

John glanced down at his phone. Where r u? floated on the screen. Couldn’t that woman leave him alone? Stacy was his wife, not his parole officer. Stacy didn’t think so, and she waited with phone in hand, anxious for John to text her back. Why hadn’t he answered?

Feel that sudden yank there in the middle? Didn’t you think “Stacy didn’t think so…” was John’s opinion of her at first, then all of a sudden you were in Stacy’s head. This is a pretty bad point of view shift, often referred to as “head hopping” because you’re jumping from head to head.

To keep the reader centered on the point of view character, you want to stick with one point of view character per scene or chapter. When you switch point of view characters, break the scene and start a new one.

(Here's more with Do You Know Who Your Narrator Is?)

Let’s look at the sneakier point of view shifts next:

John smiled at me, then reached over to brush dried leaves off my shoulder.

Can you spot the shift? 

The “to” implies motive, which the narrator couldn’t know until John actually brushed the leaves off her shoulder. There’s a good chance she hadn’t even known the leaves were there, so having that information is also a shift. Changing “to” to “and” slides this back in to the narrator’s point of view. She sees John reach over, and sees him brush leaves off her shoulder. Both are observable actions by the point of view character.

“To verb” is a common bit of told prose that gets into our writing all the time, and yes, you see it in plenty of published books. 

Here's why: There’s an inherent “the narrator knows the story and what happened” aspect to novels. Most people won’t even notice it because it’s so subtle. And like many inconsistencies in writing, not everyone will consider this a shift at all, because a far narrative distance does allow for motive to be assumed. It’s the writer’s call on this one.

Implying motive also applies to third person omniscient narrators:

John smiled at Lola, then reached over to brush dried leaves off her shoulder.

From this line it’s impossible to tell who the point of view character is, though oddly enough, both are shifting out of the POV character's head. If John is the point of view character, then it pulls back so the author can tell motive (not show it). If Lola is the point of view character, it’s a point of view shift because just like in first person, Lola can’t know why John reaches for her.

(Here's more with What You Need to Know About Show, Don't Tell)

Let’s look at some more obvious shifts:

I bumped into John outside the market. He looked at me and frowned, noticing the baby puke stain on my shirt.

The narrator can’t know what John notices. She can only see him look at her and frown. But here’s where it gets a little tricky. You could have something like…

I bumped into John outside the market. He looked down at the baby puke stain on my shirt and frowned.

If the narrator knows she has a stain on her shirt, it’s quite plausible that when she sees John look down at that area of her body, she assumes he’s looking at the stain. The narrator observes an action and can guess the reason for it. That keeps the judgment of that action squarely in the point of view character’s head. If Lola didn’t know she had a stain, then the above example would have been a shift.

(Here's more with Whose Head is it Anyway? Understanding Omniscient Point of View)

Same issues for third person:

Lola bumped into John outside the market. He looked at her and frowned, noticing the baby puke stain on her shirt.

John’s POV: The noticing is the author telling the reader what John notices.
Lola’s POV: The noticing is a point of view shift.

You can also shift if you have your point of view character noticing their own appearance or actions as an outside observer would.

Lola reached for the baby wipes just as the hot new stock boy came down the aisle. Her face turned bright scarlet.

This is another shift that not everyone would call a shift (and depending on your narrative distance, it might not be.) But if we’re inside Lola’s head looking out, she can’t know what color her face is. She can feel the heat of blushing, she can guess or assume her face turned scarlet, but she can’t know it unless she can see it. 

You can put it back in her point of view by showing what she does, feels, and thinks:

Lola reached for the baby wipes just as the hot new stock boy came down the aisle. Her face flushed hot. Was it bright red? Gads, what if he saw her like this?

(Here's more with How Far is Too Far? How Narrative Distance Affects Telling)

Spotting Point of View Shifts 

“To verb” is easy to search for and you’ll eliminate a lot of smaller shifts if, in many cases, you just use “and” instead of "to."  Other things you can look for:

• Any judgment or opinion statements of non-point of view characters that aren’t in dialogue. A non-point of view character will only convey information by what they say and how the act. That’s all the point of view character can observe.
• Places where the point of view character states motive or opinion of a non-point of view character. If the point of view character is guessing or basing their thought on what they can observe, then it’s probably okay. But if the point of view character is attributing a motive as if it’s fact (like in the noticing example above), you're probably shifting.
• Anything the point of view character wouldn’t know, couldn’t guess by observation, or couldn’t see.
• The point of view character referring to how they look if they can't see it.

It’s really up to the writer to decide how fanatical they want to be about subtle shifts (head hopping is a no-no). 

(Here's more with How a Limited vs. a Tight Point of View Can Confuse Writers)

Think about what your point of view character can see/hear/smell etc. If it’s not something that falls within their senses, there’s a good chance they wouldn’t know about.

The tighter the point of view and the closer the narrative distance, the more the shift stand out and risk jarring the reader. The farther the narrative distance, the more acceptable a slight shift is because there’s another layer between reader and point of view character. There’s a sense that someone is relaying the info and they could know things the point of view character doesn’t.

EXERCISE FOR YOU: Examine one of your scenes or chapters and look for any point of view shifts. If you find them. edit to remove the shift. 

How do you handle searching for point of view shifts? What words or phrases have you noticed frequently popping up?

*Originally published May 2011. Last updated September 2024.

Find out more about show, don't tell in my book, Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It).

With in-depth analysis, Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It) teaches you how to spot told prose in your writing, and discover why common advice on how to fix it doesn't always work. It also explores aspects of writing that aren’t technically telling, but are connected to told prose and can make prose feel told, such as infodumps, description, and backstory.

This book will help you:

• Understand when to tell and when to show
• Spot common red flag words often found in told prose
• Learn why one single rule doesn't apply to all books
• Determine how much telling is acceptable in your writing
• Fix stale or flat prose holding your writing back

Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It) is more than just advice on what to do and what not to do—it’s a down and dirty examination and analysis of how show, don’t tell works, so you can adapt the “rules” to whatever style or genre you’re writing. By the end of this book, you’ll have a solid understanding of show, don’t tell and the ability to use it without fear or frustration.

Available in paperback and ebook formats.

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book.

She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.

When she's not writing novels, she's teaching other writers how to improve their craft. She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing.

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes | Indie BoundBy Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy