There can be a fine line between a far narrative distance and telling. Maybe we pull away for style, or because we want to show more than just what the POV knows, but then we slip up and start telling instead of showing.
Narrative distance puts space between the POV character and the reader, same as telling. It can go from experiencing what they experience (close) to watching them experiencing it (far). Both a far narrative distance and telling might explain things, but the way it’s done is subtly different. This can be frustrating if you're struggling with the concept, so let's examine this further.
Let’s start with a far distance sample:
The man was around thirty, but looked older, worn out from the constant running, the constant fear. He left the rundown hotel room and lofted a pair of equally worn duffel bags into the back of an old pickup truck. He sighed, staring at the meager supplies as if he wished he had a few more boxes of ammunition. Amarillo was overrun with the undead, and no place to be caught unprepared. His wife had begged him take another route, but the distress call they’d picked up last week had come from an Amarillo radio station. Every survivor knew you didn’t ignore other survivors. Bob was no exception.Clearly Bob isn’t our narrator here. Someone else is watching this scene unfold and describing it. The word choice, the rhythm, the voice, aren’t Bob’s, but another person’s--an omniscient narrator. But the focus is still on Bob. Even though Bob isn’t telling the story, it’s following his story. The narrator might be distant, but there’s judgment in the words used. Take a closer look at the phrases:
- was around thirty, but looked older
- equally worn duffel bags
- meager supplies
- as if he wished
- no place to be caught unprepared
- His wife had begged
- Every survivor knew
- Bob was no exception.
(Here's more on narrative distance basics)
But what if you get a little closer? Make Bob the POV and look at this same scene through his eyes.
Bob was around thirty, but felt older, worn out from the constant running, the constant fear. He left the rundown hotel room and lofted a pair of old duffel bags into the back of his even older pickup truck. He sighed, staring at the meager supplies and wishing he had a few more boxes of ammunition. Amarillo was overrun with the undead, and no place to be caught unprepared. Sally had begged him take another route, but the distress call they’d picked up last week had come from an Amarillo radio station. Everyone knew you didn’t ignore other survivors.We see out of Bob’s eyes, hear his thoughts some, but it’s not him relaying this information. It’s someone else who knows Bob well enough to know how he feels about what’s around him and what’s important to him. See the differences? Certain phrases are now in Bob’s perspective.
- but felt older
- old duffel bags
- his even older pickup truck
- and wishing
- Sally had begged
- Everyone knew
Not for the hard part. Taking this same paragraph and making it told.
Bob was around thirty, but he felt older from constantly running from zombies. He left the rundown hotel room he and his wife Sally had been staying at and lofted a pair of worn duffel bags into the back of an old pickup truck. He sighed and stared at what was left of their supplies. I wish I had a few more boxes of ammunition, he thought. They were headed to Amarillo, which he knew was overrun with the undead, and he didn’t want to be caught unprepared. Sally had begged him take another route since it was so dangerous, but the distress call they’d picked up last week had come from an Amarillo radio station. Bob also knew you didn’t ignore other survivors.Still distant, but from Bob’s POV. Doesn’t it feel told? It’s the explanations that do it--the reasons why things are as they are, the telling of motives. Instead of watching from a distance, the author butts in and explains the reasons behind the thoughts and actions. Look at the phrases used:
- from constantly running from zombies
- he and his wife Sally had been staying at
- an old pickup truck
- what was left of their supplies
- I wish I had a few more boxes of ammunition, he thought
- They were headed to Amarillo, which he knew
- didn’t want to be caught
- since it was so dangerous
- Bob also knew
So much of showing is letting the reader observe the scene (through action, dialog, or internalization) and letting them figure out the whys by how the characters act. No matter where your narrator is or how distant you keep your reader, you want to choose words that let that reader fill in the blanks. If it’s clear characters were staying at a hotel (because they just left the room) you don’t have to tell the reader they were staying there. Putting gear into the truck and thinking about Amarillo suggests that’s where they’re going. Wishing for more ammo because someplace wasn’t a place to be caught unprepared implies this is what Bob doesn’t want to have happen.
Don’t explain what the reader can figure out by observation, no matter how close or far they are from the narrative.
Find out more about show, don't tell in my book, Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It).
With in-depth analysis, Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It) teaches you how to spot told prose in your writing, and discover why common advice on how to fix it doesn't always work. It also explores aspects of writing that aren’t technically telling, but are connected to told prose and can make prose feel told, such as infodumps, description, and backstory.
This book will help you:
- Understand when to tell and when to show
- Spot common red flag words often found in told prose
- Learn why one single rule doesn't apply to all books
- Determine how much telling is acceptable in your writing
- Fix stale or flat prose holding your writing back
Available in paperback and ebook formats.

She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.
When she's not writing novels, she's teaching other writers how to improve their craft. She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing.
Janice, this is an outstanding article. You broke this down so well, thanks so much.
ReplyDeleteI wish I'd read this a long time ago when I was trying to work out the difference between show vs. tell!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Janice! Love the examples.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice, as always, Janice. It's cool to see how even providing expositionary information can be made a part of the POV character's perceptions.
ReplyDeleteI needed to see the differences. Thanks Janice
ReplyDeleteSam: Most welcome! Glad it worked as intended.
ReplyDeleteWen: Same here! Would have saved me so many hassles if I'd written this years ago. (grin)
Juliette: Thanks girl :)
Paul: I think that's the way to deal with it, actually. As long as you stay in character you can do just about anything.
Angie: Glad I could help.
The differences between the versions are subtle, at least to me, and I know it's going to take a lot more work for me to understand the concepts. What makes it even more confusing to me is that, based on what I've read on other blogs, some writers would consider all the versions to be telling.
ReplyDeletePlease continue to talk about these issues. I like to use distant narrators in my stories, but want to keep from telling. Thanks Janice.
Yeah, to me all three paragraphs are tell-show-tell (with the show being where Bob throws the stuff in the truck and sighs), but the first two paragraphs are just much better than the third one.
DeleteThat's by design. The first is far narrative distance, which often feels (and is) told, because it has an outside narrator. The second one is a closer POV, so it's shown through the eyes of the character. The third is all told, and was intentionally written as a bad example (grin).
DeleteChemist Ken: The discrepancies really are confusing, because you're right, not everyone has the same views on a topic. And it gets harder because sometimes it's appropriate to tell. Showing would bog the story down. Third omniscient is a rough POV to do well for that very reason. It so often feels told. Probably because by definition, omniscient IS told. There's an outside narrator that describes everything and tells what people are thinking and why they act.
ReplyDeleteGreat and very educational post - thank you! :)
ReplyDeleteMost welcome :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Janice! I used to think I understood the difference between showing and telling, but I'm finding it's much more nuanced than I thought. The examples are very helpful.
ReplyDeleteOh it's so nuanced. I think that's one of the reasons it's so difficult to really get sometimes. A lot of it is contextual and you just go by feel as to what is right.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful examples. Just what I was searching for this evening!
ReplyDeleteGlad they found you then!
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