Real Life Diagnostics: Can You Feel Any Tension or Conflict in This Scene?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 16.

This week’s questions:

1. Is it showing vs telling?

2. Can you feel any tension or conflict? 

Market/Genre: Romantic Comedy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Finding Conflict in Flash Fiction

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 8.

This week’s questions:

1. If the plot and conflict strong enough?

2. Does the prose sing?

3. Is the fight exciting?

4. Is the Show/Tell a good balance?

Market/Genre: Fan-fiction fantasy mash up of Harry Potter and Star Wars

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does the Dialogue Sound Natural and Believable?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through November 17.

This week’s questions:

1. Does the dialogue sound natural and believable?

2. Is there enough information to indicate that escalating problems with his boss could be the external conflict and future questioning of his non-belief in alien abductions could be his internal conflict? Or is it too soon in the story?

3. Would you keep reading?

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Flash Fiction Tale Grab You?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.


If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 
 
Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through April 14.

This week’s questions:

Was the opening paragraph a good hook? Are there any show/tell issues in the first person POV? Is there really conflict here or is it an improved character study?

Market/Genre: Flash fiction, fantasy noir

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Keep Reading This Suspense Opening?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 4.

This week’s questions:

1. Do you feel a close POV? Is the internalization working?

2. Are you getting a sense of the conflict, goal and tone of the opening?

3. Would you read on?

Market/Genre: Suspense

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Engaging Enough for a First Scene?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Seven 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through January 21.

This week’s questions:

1. Is this engaging enough for a first scene?

2. Is this combination (inner conflict & she being locked and alone) overwhelming?

3. Are the descriptions enough for you to picture the scene?

Market/Genre: Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Clarifying Your Goal, Conflict, and Stakes in the Opening Scene

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six (+ 1 Resubmit) 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through April 12. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

This week’s questions:

Does this work as an opening? Would you read more, or put this down?

Market/Genre: YA Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six (+ 1 Resubmit) 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through March 8. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

This week’s questions:

Does this opening scene work?

Market/Genre: Adult allegorical

RESUBMIT: Please scroll down to the bottom to see the revised snippet

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Read on? A Look at a Science Fiction Opening

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six (+ 1 Resubmit)

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through March 1. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

This week’s questions:

Is it compelling? Does it create enough reader questions about the circumstances, background, character to make you want to read more? Is there too much information, too little, or just enough to get a reader going? Is the conflict (or sense of conflict) coming through? What are your thoughts on the opening sentence(s)?

Market/Genre: Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics Week: Developing Conflict and Character in an Opening Scene

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight (+ one re-submit)

NOTE: It's Real Life Diagnostics Week! (cue the dancing chickens) . To catch up on my overly full queue right now, I'll be doing crits all week (sans the regular guest posts, those will happen as usual). Next week, the off days will also have RLDs. By next Saturday, I should have all the older ones finished and be on the ones I've received over the last few weeks.

This week’s questions:

I tried to include some action and set up the conflict. More importantly, I want the reader to connect with my protagonist and her goal. I'm not sure if I succeeded. Does this opening hook you? Is there enough conflict and character development? Does it make you want to get to know Taela better?

Market/Genre: YA fantasy 

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Why Isn't This Beginning Working?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

This week’s questions:

I'm looking for some advice because I've gotten so close with this story a few different times. However, the beginning just keeps bogging me down, and I don't know what I'm even looking for anymore. Some editors replied the story was a bit slow for them, so I'm wondering if you could shed some light on the beginning few paragraphs.

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Finding the Balance Between Action and Character

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

This week’s question:

I am working on the balance between action (conflict) and character that I think builds the hook. Based on feedback to date, I think this is especially tricky in Sci-fi, because a certain amount of scene setting must be done right out of the chute. So what I have attempted to do is play out the world building in bits, weaving it around bits of character development and the inciting incident. How well does this work? Do you care about Dylan? Does the world and what you see of the conflict have you hooked? Is the scenery and character description at an appropriate level? Is the balance between Dylan's internal problems and the big picture conflict into which he has fallen seem to work? Is the POV consistent and clear? Is the voice strong (passive/active, show/tell)?

Market/Genre: Science fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Are We Grounded? Setting the Scene and Engaging the Reader

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight

This week’s questions:

This is the opening of a YA mystery novel I'm working on. I'm wondering if this opening is strong enough and engaging enough. Does it give adequate sense of voice and place and include enough tension? Should I cut or postpone the inclusion of anything?

On to the diagnosis…