Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening Have a Strong Emotional Impact?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 4.

This week’s questions:

1. Does the story qualify as literary fiction?

2. What are your thoughts about the story? Did it have an emotional impact on you without being overly sentimental?

3. What are the strengths and weaknesses of this short story?

4. If this were the opening story of a short story collection, would you proceed to read the whole collection?

5. Has this story done justice to the depth of tragedy of the situation?

6. Which adjectives would you use to describe this short story?

7. What advice will you give to improve the craft of the story?

Market/Genre: Literary short story

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This YA Fantasy Scene too Confusing?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 26.

This week’s questions:

Are the new terms too confusing, too fast? Is the inner voice too much? Does the character feel 3D? Is the fact she's scared of the ceremony and why she's hiding so close to the ceremony explained and believable? Is the voice there?

Market/Genre: Young Adult Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: POV Issues in a Romance Opening

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Ten (+ two resubmits)

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 28 so there's a bit of a wait for submission feedback. The Sunday diagnostics will bring that down some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware.

This week’s questions:

1. Is 450 words too soon or too late to switch to her POV? I’m worried about a rejection based on head hopping or failure to identify the female protagonist early enough.

2. I realize that “He shifted his stance to resume ignoring.” is a tell, not a show because it tells intent. Later in this scene, he fails to avoid the bartender. In this case, due to the fact that it was a failed intent, is it acceptable to tell instead of show?

3. Can you identify Paul as the hero and Benny as the sidekick based on context clues?

4. Linda’s introspection 200 words later provides the setting as small town Wisconsin. Is this too late to provide the reader with a where?

5. Should I have their last names in there?

Market/Genre: Harlequin American Romance

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Avoiding the Triple Threat: Show vs Tell, POV Shifts, and Passive Voice

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Ten (+ two resubmits)

This week’s questions:

Is this a good start? Does it show and not tell? Did I manage to stay in the hero's POV? Did I use strong verbs and avoid passive voice?

Market/Genre: Contemporary Romance

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: New and Lost: Tips on Fixing Immature, Voiceless Writing

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, check out the page for guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

This week’s question:
This is my very first WIP. I understand I have a long way to go before I find my voice, but something feels "off" whenever I read my own work. I think my writing is just simply "immature" for lack of a better word to describe it. Are there any specific tips you can offer that can target "immature/voiceless writing?"

Market/Genre: Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…