Real Life Diagnostics: Is This YA Fantasy Scene too Confusing?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 26.

This week’s questions:

Are the new terms too confusing, too fast? Is the inner voice too much? Does the character feel 3D? Is the fact she's scared of the ceremony and why she's hiding so close to the ceremony explained and believable? Is the voice there?

Market/Genre: Young Adult Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Fantasy Opening Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eleven 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 10.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this scene work?

2. Is there anything I can do to improve the clarity of the setting?

Market/Genre: YA Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…