The wrong words can flatten the right feelings—learn how to spot them and breathe emotion back into your scenes.
Ever read a scene that should hit you right in the feels, but somehow doesn’t? The words are there, the setup is solid, but emotionally, it falls flat.
That disconnect often comes down to the wrong word in the right place. A frown where there should be fear. A smile that doesn’t carry the weight of what’s unspoken.
The smallest word choices can make or break a reader’s emotional connection—and when that connection breaks, so does their investment in the story.
The right word can mean the difference between connecting emotionally with a reader and having them forget a character’s name. The more they connect, the more likely it is that they’ll love the story. The more they love the story, the more likely they are to tell all their friends about it and buy the next one.
How often do you write emotionally stunted sentences? What are some of your emotional placeholder words?
*Originally published June 2016. Last updated May 2025.
Find out more about setting and description in my book, Fixing Your Setting & Description Problems.
Go
step-by-step through setting and description-related issues, such as
weak world building, heavy infodumping, told prose, awkward stage
direction, inconsistent tone and mood, and overwritten descriptions.
Learn how to analyze your draft, spot any problems or weak areas, and
fix those problems.
With clear and easy-to-understand examples, Fixing Your Setting & Description Problems offers five self-guided workshops that target the common issues that make readers stop reading. It will help you:
Available in paperback and ebook formats.
Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book.
She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.
When she's not writing novels, she's teaching other writers how to improve their craft. She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing.
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes | Indie Bound
No pressure, but using the wrong words could have a huge impact on a writer’s career.
Since writing a novel is a massive endeavor, we often use placeholder words in a first draft. They quickly capture the emotions we want to convey in the fewest words so we can keep on writing and get our ideas down while they’re still exciting and new.
Since writing a novel is a massive endeavor, we often use placeholder words in a first draft. They quickly capture the emotions we want to convey in the fewest words so we can keep on writing and get our ideas down while they’re still exciting and new.
This is fine for an early draft—we don’t need to be perfect while we’re still figuring it all out—but the trouble comes when we leave those placeholder words in later drafts. Instead of deepening the emotions we know the characters feel in those moments, we rely on our memory and story knowledge to feel what’s happening in a scene, and wind up with emotionally stunted sentences.
(Here’s more with The Freedom of Placeholder Words in First Drafts)
I see (and use) three common placeholder words all the time in early drafts:
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of them, they frequently wind up in emotionally stunted sentences such as:
These sentences say nothing about how the character feels, but they look like they do because we bring prior knowledge to the sentence. This is doubly dangerous when these sentences are paired with dialogue (and they usually are) because we infuse those spoken words with more emotional impact than is actually making it onto the page.
The reader just sees an emotionally stunted sentence, but we know:
In some cases, there’s more context in the scene and the emotion is clear and the shorter sentences do indeed convey what we want them to. In others, the only emotional clue is a single word. And there’s always the paragraph that conveys the emotions perfectly and the stunted sentence is redundant.
It’s our job as writers to decide which group each emotionally stunted sentence belongs to.
Step One: Go through your manuscript and search for frowned, smiled, and sighed.
Step Two: Evaluate each sentence and decide if it’s doing its job or if it’s bringing the passage down.
Step Three: Cut or edit the sentence so it conveys the emotion you know is there.
(Here’s more with 5 Ways to Convey Emotions in Your Novel)
Identifying weak words is easy—a search is all you need—but deciding what to do once you find them can be trickier. Writing has exceptions to every rule, and the exact sentence can work in one instance and fail in another. As you go through your manuscript, look at each weak word and ask:
If you cut the sentence, is the emotional meaning of the passage clear? If so, you probably don’t need it.
If you cut the sentence, does the meaning of the passage become ambiguous or misleading? If so, you likely need more emotional description in that area. If a passage can become muddy without that one word, that’s a red flag that you’re bringing more emotion to the scene than is actually there. Consider fleshing out the emotions more and turning a “he smiled” into something richer.
(Here’s more with Get What's in Your Head onto the Page)
Does the rhythm of the passage just read better with it in? If so, leave it in. How the narrative flows is just as important as what it says, and sometimes traditionally “weak writing” is exactly what makes a section sing.
Is it a necessary tag to know who’s speaking? This one’s a judgment call. There are times when you need a quick tag that doesn’t draw attention or mean anything to help readers keep track of who’s speaking. If taking it out creates confusion, leave it in.
As always in these cases, not every instance of frowned, smiled, or sighed needs to be cut, so use your best judgment. If you’re worried your manuscript feels weak or you’ve gotten feedback about readers not connecting to it, this could be a reason why and a good place to start to fix it.
(Here’s more with The Freedom of Placeholder Words in First Drafts)
I see (and use) three common placeholder words all the time in early drafts:
- Frowned
- Smiled
- Sighed
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of them, they frequently wind up in emotionally stunted sentences such as:
- I frowned.
- He smiled.
- She sighed.
These sentences say nothing about how the character feels, but they look like they do because we bring prior knowledge to the sentence. This is doubly dangerous when these sentences are paired with dialogue (and they usually are) because we infuse those spoken words with more emotional impact than is actually making it onto the page.
- I frowned. “You went to the movies last night?”
- He smiled. “That sounds great, sure, count me in.”
- She sighed. “I never want this moment to end.”
The reader just sees an emotionally stunted sentence, but we know:
- I’m frowning because I don’t trust what my best friend is telling me.
- He smiled because he knows if he doesn’t, the villain will realize he’s figured out the truth.
- She sighed because life really couldn’t get any better and she’s never been so happy.
In some cases, there’s more context in the scene and the emotion is clear and the shorter sentences do indeed convey what we want them to. In others, the only emotional clue is a single word. And there’s always the paragraph that conveys the emotions perfectly and the stunted sentence is redundant.
It’s our job as writers to decide which group each emotionally stunted sentence belongs to.
How to Fix Emotionally Stunted Sentences
Step One: Go through your manuscript and search for frowned, smiled, and sighed.
Step Two: Evaluate each sentence and decide if it’s doing its job or if it’s bringing the passage down.
Step Three: Cut or edit the sentence so it conveys the emotion you know is there.
(Here’s more with 5 Ways to Convey Emotions in Your Novel)
Evaluating Emotionally Stunted Sentences
Identifying weak words is easy—a search is all you need—but deciding what to do once you find them can be trickier. Writing has exceptions to every rule, and the exact sentence can work in one instance and fail in another. As you go through your manuscript, look at each weak word and ask:
If you cut the sentence, is the emotional meaning of the passage clear? If so, you probably don’t need it.
If you cut the sentence, does the meaning of the passage become ambiguous or misleading? If so, you likely need more emotional description in that area. If a passage can become muddy without that one word, that’s a red flag that you’re bringing more emotion to the scene than is actually there. Consider fleshing out the emotions more and turning a “he smiled” into something richer.
(Here’s more with Get What's in Your Head onto the Page)
Does the rhythm of the passage just read better with it in? If so, leave it in. How the narrative flows is just as important as what it says, and sometimes traditionally “weak writing” is exactly what makes a section sing.
Is it a necessary tag to know who’s speaking? This one’s a judgment call. There are times when you need a quick tag that doesn’t draw attention or mean anything to help readers keep track of who’s speaking. If taking it out creates confusion, leave it in.
As always in these cases, not every instance of frowned, smiled, or sighed needs to be cut, so use your best judgment. If you’re worried your manuscript feels weak or you’ve gotten feedback about readers not connecting to it, this could be a reason why and a good place to start to fix it.
If the emotion doesn’t land, neither will the moment.
If you want readers to remember your characters long after the last page, show them emotions they can feel. Because when emotion hits right, your story doesn’t just get read—it gets remembered, shared, and loved.
EXERCISE FOR YOU: Take a pass through your manuscript and search for those empty emotional cues. Ask yourself what your character is really feeling in that moment. Add your own list of placeholder words.
How often do you write emotionally stunted sentences? What are some of your emotional placeholder words?
*Originally published June 2016. Last updated May 2025.
Find out more about setting and description in my book, Fixing Your Setting & Description Problems.
Go
step-by-step through setting and description-related issues, such as
weak world building, heavy infodumping, told prose, awkward stage
direction, inconsistent tone and mood, and overwritten descriptions.
Learn how to analyze your draft, spot any problems or weak areas, and
fix those problems. With clear and easy-to-understand examples, Fixing Your Setting & Description Problems offers five self-guided workshops that target the common issues that make readers stop reading. It will help you:
- Choose the right details to bring your setting and world to life
- Craft strong descriptions without overwriting
- Determine the right way to include information without infodumping
- Create compelling emotional layers that reflect the tone and mood of your scenes
- Fix awkward stage direction and unclear character actions
Available in paperback and ebook formats.
Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book. She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.
When she's not writing novels, she's teaching other writers how to improve their craft. She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing.
I just did a search--I have a lot of smiling going on! I guess I know what I'll be doing today.:) (Just a couple of frowns and sighs)
ReplyDeleteHappy editing!
DeleteThis is super helpful! I know I use them as part of "showing" (y'know, not saying, it made her sad...) but I probably overuse them. Scowled is one that's been cropping up a lot lately. I'll have to check the others, sigh... ;-)
ReplyDeleteI find a lot of those as well. Same with glared.
DeleteYeah, my characters nod a lot in my first draft. :-(
ReplyDeleteI have a whole post planned on nodding :) I edited for that in my current WIP just yesterday.
DeleteThanks for the nods, smiles, etc. search and delete! Part of revising. Helpful post.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I have a long list of words I always run through as a final clean up.
DeleteOh, yeah. My characters smile, frown, grit their teeth, the works. All. The. Time. :-p
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how often we use the same phrase :)
DeleteHa ha. I just read through my rough draft and was getting annoyed at how much my character smiled, especially since it was supposed to be a rough time for her. Yeah, serious edits needed. Thanks for the post! :)
ReplyDelete