You're So Emotional: Describing a Character's Emotions in a First Person Point of View

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

A first-person narrator has a unique set of challenges, and describing emotions is one of them. 

For many readers, emotion is a big reason why they picked up a particular novel. They want to feel connected to the characters, experience life through their eyes, escape into their worlds. Bringing those emotions to the surface is critical to bringing the story alive.

Except sometimes, we go overboard and shift from emotion to melodrama. Our protagonists are too whiny, too stuck in their heads, to self-aware of what they're feeling all the time and that's draws attention away from the story.

This is particularly easy to do with a first-person narrator, because everything is so deep in that character's point of view. If we go emotionally overboard, our characters don't feel like natural people, because no one walks around fully aware of every little feeling they have and why they have it.

No matter the point of view, writing emotions is no different from writing any other description. 

Describing how a character feels is done the same as describing what they're looking at, it's just an internal view versus an external one. Describe what the character feels and sees and does. For example, instead of saying "I was scared," show the results and outward signs of that fear.

• My throat tightened
• My hands shook so hard I nearly dropped the knife
• Please don't see me, please oh please oh please

Readers can figure out that the narrator is scared by how he or she reacts, not by being told "I was scared."

Good description comes from the same place, no matter what type it is (emotional, setting, stage direction)--what does the point of view character experience? 

(Here's more on Leveraging The Emotional Spectrum in Your Writing)

Not every character "feels" the same way. 

Remember, not everyone reacts the same way emotionally, and those reactions and thoughts will reflect how that character personally handles whatever emotion you're trying to convey. If you grew up in a household where anger = shouting, meeting someone whose family never shouted but only muttered snide comments under their breath at each other when angry might seem weird to you.

If a character is scared, she might constantly look around, or jump at sounds, question everyone she sees and worry someone is coming after her. She might grab a weapon and hold it tight, or put her back to a wall. She might pull her hair forward and hide behind it so none can see her face.

Worrying about being thrown in jail can show fear just as well as shaky hands. The character might even talk to herself or think about her situation. My protagonist Nya does this when I want an emotion to be right there on the surface, such as, "Don't see me, please don't see me.

Tailor the emotional responses to whatever fits your point of view character's mindset at that moment in that scene. 

(Here's more on Alternative Ways to Describe Character Reactions)

Don't make your character sounds too self-aware

A common pitfall with first person point of view is having a character who's just to self-aware of how he or she feels at every moment.

This is an easier fix than you'd think: As long as you don't write her noticing she's scared or reflecting on her emotions, she just feels them.

For example, here's a point of view character who knows exactly what she's feeling and why:

I wiped the sweat from my brow, fear from my narrow escape coursing through my veins.

The point of view character probably isn't going to be thinking about what's coursing through her veins or why it's doing it. People don't think about themselves in this fashion. They don't narrate their own life. It would be more like...

Sweat dripped into my eyes and I wiped my face on my shirt. I got away. I can't believe I got away. I stumbled to a bench and sat down, my trembling legs barely getting me there.

Here she notices how she feels, what she's thinking, how her body is reacting. It's looking outward from her skin, not inward at her skin. Don't explain why, but give enough clues so the reader can easily surmise the why. "Oh, she must be scared."

(Here's more on Do You Think He Likes Me? Conveying Emotions in Your Novel)

Try to avoid repetition when describing emotions.

One pitfall of writing emotions is that they can sound repetitious after a while. Every time someone gets scared they shake, or sweat, or react in exactly the same way. Since there's a decent chance whatever emotion they're feeling is one they're likely to feel for the entire novel, finding new ways to express it will be important.

(Here's a great resource book for finding new ways to describe emotions)

If the emotion needs to be carried over a long scene, try spacing out the physical details so readers can see the point of view character is feeling X emotion, and then slip in little reminders as the scene unfolds that the emotion hasn't changed.

If it's fear, the point of view character might start out with a racing heart, get the shakes later, wipe sweat from her brow after that. Avoid having her feel all three at once unless the scene calls for it, for example, if she's having a stressful "holy cow" breakdown moment or you want that heavy does of emotion.

Mixing the types of emotional reactions helps space out the emotional details so you're not heaping them on readers at once. Plus, if you save some details for later, then it gives you the freedom to expand if the emotions get stronger later.

Readers are smart, and they can figure out an emotion when they see it. 

(Here's more on Using Vocal Cues to Show Hidden Emotion)

Just like show don't tell, if you can avoid explaining why to readers, and just show the results of that why, you'll paint an emotional picture readers can understand that puts them right in the action. Let them figure out the why by what they read on the page.

How do you handle writing about emotions? 

Last updated: June 2019.

If you're looking for more to improve your craft, check out one of my books on writing: 

Find out more about show, don't tell in my book, Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It).

With in-depth analysis, Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It) teaches you how to spot told prose in your writing, and discover why common advice on how to fix it doesn't always work. It also explores aspects of writing that aren’t technically telling, but are connected to told prose and can make prose feel told, such as infodumps, description, and backstory.

This book will help you:

• Understand when to tell and when to show
• Spot common red flag words often found in told prose
• Learn why one single rule doesn't apply to all books
• Determine how much telling is acceptable in your writing
• Fix stale or flat prose holding your writing back

Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It) is more than just advice on what to do and what not to do—it’s a down and dirty examination and analysis of how show, don’t tell works, so you can adapt the “rules” to whatever style or genre you’re writing. By the end of this book, you’ll have a solid understanding of show, don’t tell and the ability to use it without fear or frustration.

Available in paperback and ebook formats.

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book.

She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.

When she's not writing novels, she's teaching other writers how to improve their craft. She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing.

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