Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Romantic Thriller Opening Work?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through April 6.

This week’s question:

Does this opening work?

Market/Genre: Romantic Thriller

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Protagonist Sympathetic?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through April 28.

This week’s questions:

1. Does the transition work?

2. Is my protagonist unsympathetic?

3. Is the setting clear? I'm trying to show this story is set in the UK and that football=soccer not American football.

4. Will readers expect the brother in jail to turn up at some point? This isn't planned and is character background on Chardonnay as she is the antagonist.

Market/Genre: Gay Fiction

On to the diagnosis…