Real Life Diagnostics: Is This YA Opening Too Slow?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through October 8.

This week’s questions:

I'm worried that the opening that I've written is too slow. Does it give too much background info too fast? Is there enough happening here to keep a reader interested in the protagonist?

Market/Genre: Young Adult Fiction

Special note: We have a young writer today with a first novel, so please bear that in mind when commenting.

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Fixing Your Pacing and Narrative Flow

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through November 7.

This week’s question:

I still have a little trouble with flow and pace. I want this to set some of the groundwork instead of “info dumping”, but how? Should I start it some other way?

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Turning Infodumps Into Drama

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three (+ two resubmits) 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 2. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some if my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

This week’s questions:

This opening paragraph seems so different to others I have read, is it too informative? Should I be more vague or even cryptic? As an opening paragraph can it work?

Market/Genre: Young Readers Historical Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Weaving in World Building Details. How Much is Too Much?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six  

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 28. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

This week’s questions:

Does this feel like too much exposition? Would a whole chapter like this be too much?

Market/Genre: Science Fiction Romance

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Handling Infodump and Names in an Epic Fantasy

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through June 14. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay. 

Note: Revised snippet at the end

This week’s questions:

1. Is my naming convention a killer? (Most Tillian names are consonant heavy and near unpronounceable except by me, and I stumble on them sometimes...)

2. Is this too much of an infodump?

3. Does this make you to want to read more (is the voice bland, uninteresting)?

Market/Genre: Epic Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Dealing With Setup and Infodump in an Opening Scene

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through May 31. The Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some when my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

This week’s questions:

Is the hook clear/interesting? Is there enough action? Is the main character likable or interesting? Am I info dumping or is the set-up OK? There is one sentence in the second paragraph that feels to me like backstory, but I’m curious what you think.

Market/Genre: Romantic Comedy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Infodumps and Reflection: How Much Do You Need?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight (+two re-submits)

This week’s questions:

This is mostly an info dump and reflection, but is it interesting enough to keep you hooked?

Is the writing flowing and clear?

Can you hear Cina's voice and character, even though it's in third person? Is this realistic for him to be thinking about?

Market/Genre: Fantasy
On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: How Much Do You Need to Explain on the First Page?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Six

This week’s questions:

I would like to know whether the opening works (why or why not), and whether it is interesting enough for the reader to continue. The rest of the chapter will explain who Claire is (the protagonist), and how she ties into the Clairvoyance Industry. Does it work to build up to that? I hesitate to use my first words as an info-dump about Claire.

Market/Genre: YA science fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Hooking a Reader While Establishing the Story World

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

This week’s questions:

Does this opening have enough action to hook the reader? Does it make you want to read more? More importantly, does it establish the world and situation Fallon lives in?

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Avoiding Infodumps While Maintaining a Child's Voice

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight

This week’s questions:

1. Is the part of this excerpt that talks about Metrod City infodumpy (it's the first time in the story that this place is described in some detail). Are there any parts of this excerpt at all that you'd consider infodumpy?

2. Without seeing what came before this part, does this seem like a good place to add in some info about Metrod City, considering Dwyth's furious with his parents at this moment (he just ran away from them) and just wants to run away to the Wasteland?

3. How is the tone/prose - does it sound middle-grade? Does this sound like a twelve-year-old boy?

Market/Genre: MG epic fantasy

On to the diagnosis…