Avoiding Awkward (or Unnecessary) Internal Questions

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy 

Too many internal questions can come across like the author telling the reader what they ought to be wondering about.

Internalization is a powerful tool for showing who a character is, how they feel, and what's motivating them to act. It does a lot of the heavy lifting in both the character arc and the plot, because readers get to see the internal debates that lead to the choices they make in the story.

But it's easy to go too far with internalized questions.

  

Internal questions shouldn't read like instructions on how a reader should interpret the scene.

When overdone (or done poorly), they can feel like you're whacking readers in the head with what they ought to be thinking or wondering about, instead of dropping clues that make them wonder about it. For example:

She crumpled the note in her hands. "Sorry?" she whispered. He walked out on her and all he could write was sorry? Was it another woman? Did he meet some hussy in the law school she paid for? Slaved for? Had he been using her all these years? That jerk. She'd never been anything but a cash cow to him. She flung the note across the room. How could he do this to her?

While these are all questions someone in this situation would reasonably think, there leaves little here for readers to wonder about on their own. It also feels like the character's assumptions are indeed the case and there's no other possible reason for the situation. The questions lead the reader too much to one conclusion, and ultimately feels too on the nose. Even worse, it gives the story nowhere to go, as the character isn't doing anything to move the story forward, she's just spouting questions as if explaining why she was just dumped. 

 

But let's "answer" these questions instead and show what the character would think if she'd already considered these questions and decided what they all mean.

She crumpled the note in her hands. "Sorry?" she whispered. He walked out on her and all he could write was sorry? That jerk. She'd never been anything but a cash cow to him--hell, she'd even financed his quest for a "more suitable wife" like an idiot. She flung the note across the room. This wasn't over. Oh no.

Instead of telling readers what they should be thinking, this shows what the character is thinking. It's also easy to figure out what emotions she's feeling. 

Readers will likely wonder if there is another woman, and try to remember if there were any clues to suggest it. They're probably also curious to see what the character does next, as this gives the sense the character is going to act, and odds are it won't be pretty.

(Here's more with Living in My Head: Crafting Natural-Sounding Internal Thoughts)

Reasons to Use Internal Questions

When it's something the character would believably ask in that situation, and also reinforces their emotional state

Sometimes we do ask internal questions, especially if we're angry or upset. "How could he do this to me?" is a good (if clichéd) example. "Is he serious?" is another. Thoughts that could be spoken aloud often work just fine as internal questions. 

Pro-tip: It's fun to explore how a scene would change if the character actually did say the thoughts out loud.

When you want to remind readers of the goal of the scene or novel

An internal question can work as a scene goal statement: "Where was the murder weapon?" This shows the character is probably going to look for this item. "What if she was wasn't at the bar?" suggests figuring this out is important. It can also tell readers what the overall story question is, and what the book is trying to resolve: "So what really happened to Mario?"

When it would create more mystery, tension, or a dramatic pause

Questions can work as those "dum-dum-DUM!" cliffhanger moments to raise tension or hook readers. It might be a revelation: "Did that mean John was alive?" Or an internal conflict the character will be struggling with: "Could she trust him?"

When it would show a different attitude or opinion from what the narrator is displaying

Sometimes a character feels one way internally, but is forced (or wants) to show a different attitude or emotion externally. An internal question can be a great way to show this dichotomy. What kind of moron was he? She nodded. "You make a good point."

When a character is debating with themselves

Although you have to be careful here (it's easy to go too far), questions can be a handy way to show a character having an internal debate. This can be especially helpful if you need to show how a character had made a connection or a leap in logic that might feel contrived without the explanation.  

(Here's more with Are You Showing or Telling Your Internalization?)

Reasons Not to Use Internal Questions

When it's there solely to lead readers to the conclusion you want them to make

If the question is there to tell readers what to think, and there's no room for any other option, you might want to cut it. If readers can't get to that question on their own by what they see in the text, and there's no reason (or a weak reason) for the character to ask it, there's a good chance it's going to feel awkward.

When it feels repetitious

Like my first example, a lot of questions in a row can feel like you're badgering the reader, especially if they all basically say the same thing. Try showing internal thoughts or actions that suggest those questions (or answers to those questions) instead.

When it doesn't convey any real information to move the story

Empty internal questions can feel like empty dialogue. It's not necessary to understand anything in the scene, but it feels like it ought to be said. Try cutting it and seeing which version reads better.

When it's redundant

If the internal question is followed up by thoughts, action, or dialogue that implies the same question, there's no need to shine a light on it. For example, if the character is staring at a crime scene and describing it in detail, starting or ending with "what happened here?" isn't really necessary.

(Here's more with Picking the Perfect Thoughts to Italicize)

When in Doubt...

If you're not sure if the question should stay or go, ask yourself:

• Does it read well without it?
• Is it shoving the idea/thought/mystery in the reader's face?
• Would the reader ask the same question from seeing what's in the scene?
• Does it feel awkward?

If you answer yes to any of these, odds are it's a good question to cut.

Internal questions are a great tool to show what a character is struggling with and what they're trying to do, but it can be overused if we aren't careful. Trust your instincts--if feels awkward or melodramatic, odds are it is and cutting it would strengthen the scene (reading it out loud is a good test for melodrama). 

EXERCISE FOR YOU: Take five minutes and examine the internal questions in one of your scenes. Are there any you can get rid of or combine to strengthen the scene? Would the scene be better if you showed action that implied that question instead?  

How do you feel about internal questions? Love them? Hate them? Never gave them a second thought?

*Originally published January 2015. Last updated January 2024.

Find out more about characters, internalization, and point of view in my book, Fixing Your Character & Point-of-View Problems.

Go step-by-step through revising character and character-related issues, such as two-dimensional characters, inconsistent points of view, too-much backstory, stale dialogue, didactic internalization, and lack of voice. Learn how to analyze your draft, spot any problems or weak areas, and fix those problems.

With clear and easy-to-understand examples, Fixing Your Character & Point-of-View Problems offers five self-guided workshops that target the common issues that make readers stop reading. It will help you:

• Flesh out weak characters and build strong character arcs
• Find the right amount of backstory to enhance, not bog down, your story
• Determine the best point(s) of view and how to use them to your advantage
• Eliminate empty dialogue and rambling internalization
• Develop character voices and craft unique, individual characters 

Fixing Your Character & Point-of-View Problems starts every workshop with an analysis to pinpoint problem areas and offers multiple revision options in each area. You choose the options that best fit your writing process. It's an easy-to-follow guide to crafting compelling characters, solid points of view, and strong character voices readers will love.

Available in paperback and ebook formats.

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book.

She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.

When she's not writing novels, she's teaching other writers how to improve their craft. She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing.

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