Picking the Perfect Thoughts to Italicize

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Italicized thoughts can be a powerful tool to draw attention to what a character is thinking, but it's easy to over do it.

Before I dive in, I'm guest posting over at Writers in the Storm today, with Writing from Within: Crafting Internal Narratives. Which ties in well with today's post on formatting internal thoughts. Come on over when you're done here and check it out.

Italicized thoughts are one of those things you either like or can't stand. Some writers love them (I'm in that camp), and others don't use them at all. Like so many things in writing, there is no hard and fast rule here, because personal taste plays a role. 

A general guideline for italics in all forms is to use them sparingly. If you emphasize everything, then nothing stands out anymore. They're an accent, a spotlight.

I've found italics work best when you want to draw attention to a particular thought, but they're also useful when you want to show an internal thought directly "heard" from the character rather than a line in the narrative.

Let's take a look at some options. 

In this scene snippet, (set in the Bob and the Zombies world, just after the zombie apocalypse has occurred) Jane is trying to decide who to give the remaining precious few bullets to—herself, Bob, or Sally. There's tension between the trio because Bob is in love with Jane, but is married to Sally, and they both need Sally to survive the zombie hordes. 

In the below examples, the italicized thought is meant to make the reader wonder about Bob's conflict between the two women, and suggests that Jane is both aware and unhappy about that conflict.

Option 1: To Emphasize Immediate Thoughts

When you want to empathize a thought, use first person present tense regardless of what the point of view style of the books is. This works very well with a tight point of view, but can work for any POV style.

Third person: Jane rounded up the last of the ammo, splitting it into three even piles. She glanced at the remaining two bullets, and placed one in Bob's pile. The other bullet—her or Sally? She scoffed. I bet Bob's asking the same question right about now.

First person: I rounded up the last of the ammo, splitting it into three even piles. I glanced at the remaining two bullets, and placed one in Bob's pile. The other bullet—me or Sally? I scoffed. Hey Bob, I bet you're asking the same question right about now, aren't ya?

The italicized thought should make the reader understand that Bob is also choosing between these two women, and Jane is not thrilled with this. Drawing attention to this thought is meant to suggest that this conflict is going to cause trouble, and likely soon. I want readers to wonder which woman Bob might choose and what trouble that will cause.

When to use: When there's a specific thought you want to bring attention to that will add punch to the section in some way. These are typically lines that tweak the emotional strings or create a question in the reader's mind. The goal of emphasizing this particular thought is to get an emotional response from the reader.

When not to use: For all internal thoughts. Too much of it feels distracting and loses its effectiveness. Good old fashioned internal thought through the narrative works just fine in 99% of thoughts.

(Here's more with What You Need to Know About Internalization)

Option 2: To Show a Thought in a More Distant Point of View

In a more distant point of view where there could be an outside narrator, you might want to use italics to bring attention to a character to show this is her thought, not the narrator, as if the reader just peeked into the character's mind and "overhead" it. You'll often see the thought tagged here, though it's not required. This works quite nicely with a medium to far narrative distance.

Jane rounded up the last of the ammo, splitting it into three even piles. She glanced at the remaining two bullets, and placed one in Bob's pile. The other bullet—her or Sally? She frowned. I bet Bob's asking the same question right about now, she thought.

Jane rounded up the last of the ammo, splitting it into three even piles. She glanced at the remaining two bullets, and placed one in Bob's pile. The other bullet—her or Sally? She frowned. Is Bob asking the same question? 

Here the italicized thoughts suggest the same conflict. I want readers to see that Jane is wondering about Bob's choice, and hopefully they will wonder too.

When to use: Just like Option 1, use when you want to focus on a specific thought and draw a reader's attention to it for a specific purpose. Italic thoughts are chosen with goals in mind—you want the reader to take note of this thought at this time. You might also want it to feel more personal or draw closer to the point of view character's head at that moment.

When not to use: For all internal thought, especially those that would read more naturally as part of the narrative.

(Here's more with Living in My Head: Crafting Natural-Sounding Internal Thoughts)

Option 3: To Show a Character Talking to Themselves

Italics can be very useful when you want to show a character talking to herself, creating more of an internal dialogue. This can be especially useful when the italicized thought is working like the voice of conscience, or when a character is arguing with herself.

Jane rounded up the last of the ammo, splitting it into three even piles. She glanced at the remaining two bullets, and placed one in Bob's pile. The other bullet—her or Sally? She scoffed. Bob was probably asking the same question right about now. So leave him with the short stack. She winced. No, she couldn't do that.

Here, the italicized thought is meant to indicate that Jane is thinking she and Sally deserve the bullets and Bob ought to be left out in the cold, suggesting that she's unhappy with him and adding more conflict to this trio's relationship. She's thinking maybe he doesn't deserve extra ammo, which could also suggest she's thinking he doesn't deserve her. I want readers to wonder if Jane is going to reject Bob or if she's becoming annoyed with him.

When to use: When a character might be conflicted over what to do, and is weighing the options internally, or when you want to bring certain key moments to the reader's attention. The italicized thought might be something the character doesn't want to think but does anyway.

When not to use: When a character is having a normal mental debate and trying to figure something out. Readers don't need to see the entire thought process italicized.

(Here's more with Are You Showing or Telling Your Internalization?)

Option 4: To Show Remembered Dialog

Sometimes italics are used to show a character remembering previous dialogue, either something another character has said, or as a reminder of what she's said.

Jane rounded up the last of the ammo, splitting it into three even piles. She glanced at the remaining two bullets, and placed one in Bob's pile. The other bullet—her or Sally? Sally had been very clear on this. Any extra ammo goes to me. You two couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat.

Jane rounded up the last of the ammo, splitting it into three even piles. She glanced at the remaining two bullets, and placed one in Bob's pile. The other bullet—her or Sally? Sally had been very clear on this. Any extra ammo goes to me, she'd said. You two couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat. 

Here, the italicized thought is what Jane remembers Sally saying to her and Bob about their shooting ability. Jane knows she should give the extra ammo to Sally, but there's a hint that she might not do that. And from how Sally spoke to her, the reader can see why Jane might not be willing to be nice to her. I want readers to worry about that, and maybe even wonder if those extra bullets are going to come into play soon.

When to use: When past dialogue is significant to the situation and the character (and the reader) needs a reminder what was said at that point in the scene. This isn't just reminiscing; this memory has a reason for being there and something has triggered that memory.

When not to use: When showing flashbacks or longer conversations larger than roughly half a page (this can vary depending on personal preference of course). Italics are harder to read, and long passages of it can be tough on readers. If a lot of italics are needed for a flashback scene, it's possible it's gone beyond remembered dialogue and it's more of a scene, using a different format or writing style to set it apart.

(Here's more with How to Format Remembered Dialogue)

Italicized internal thoughts are just one tool to show what a character is thinking. Traditionally, they're used for emphasis or to draw attention, and some writers don't use them at all. Opinions vary, so if you get different comments about them in a critique, decide where you stand on it and if the italics are doing what you want them to do.

How do you feel about italics and internal thought? Do you have a personal rule of thumb? 

*Originally published November 2014. Last updated June 2023.

Find out more about characters, internalization, and point of view in my book, Fixing Your Character & Point-of-View Problems.

Go step-by-step through revising character and character-related issues, such as two-dimensional characters, inconsistent points of view, too-much backstory, stale dialogue, didactic internalization, and lack of voice. Learn how to analyze your draft, spot any problems or weak areas, and fix those problems.

With clear and easy-to-understand examples, Fixing Your Character & Point-of-View Problems offers five self-guided workshops that target the common issues that make readers stop reading. It will help you:

• Flesh out weak characters and build strong character arcs
• Find the right amount of backstory to enhance, not bog down, your story
• Determine the best point(s) of view and how to use them to your advantage
• Eliminate empty dialogue and rambling internalization
• Develop character voices and craft unique, individual characters 

Fixing Your Character & Point-of-View Problems starts every workshop with an analysis to pinpoint problem areas and offers multiple revision options in each area. You choose the options that best fit your writing process. It's an easy-to-follow guide to crafting compelling characters, solid points of view, and strong character voices readers will love.

Available in paperback and ebook formats.

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book.

She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.

When she's not writing novels, she's teaching other writers how to improve their craft. She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing.

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