Have you ever watched a TV show or movie, and someone says something that you know is going to come back later and be the key thing that saves the day? "Well now, we haven't use that road since a big old sinkhole opened up ten years ago." That sinkhole is totally where the hero is going to lead the horrible monster or bad guy chasing him at the climax.
Kinda takes all the fun out of it, right?
While foreshadowing is good and can heighten tension and make the reader eager to know what will happen, telegraphing steals all the tension and takes the mystery out of those hints. It shines a light on the things you're actually trying to be subtle about.
(Guest author Cathy Clamp did a great post on foreshadowing)
How do you know if you've gone too far? Telegraphic clues often feel stuck in, because they aren't a natural part of the events or thoughts the protagonist is currently experiencing. There are no reasons for the protagonist to look/think/say/notice what they just did aside from the author wanting to hint that whatever they're seeing/thinking/saying/noticing means something. "This will be important later." Ask yourself:
If you had no idea what a clue meant, would it still fit the scene?
While a telegraph can show up anywhere, there are some common ones to watch out for.
The Not-So-Random Stranger
A character to be important later. These guys walk into a scene and get noticed (often described with more detail than the scene warrants), but are then ignored. Later, at a key moment in the story, the protagonist remembers them and they're exactly what they need to save the day. Or they appear when needed.
Bob glanced up from his whiskey. A tall, beefy dude walked into the bar, coat dusty, face covered in dirt. And was that...? Yep, dynamite in his pockets. What kind of lunatic carried dynamite around like that? He shook his head and reached for the beer nuts.How long do you think it'll be before Bob realizes he needs dynamite and this guy pops into his head? How surprised do you think the reader will be when Bob starts down the plot path where it'll be obvious that he'll need dynamite?
The Pointed-Out Item
I blame movies for this one. Those slow zooms on something that's meant to be prophetic. The badge left on the desk, the burning candle, the drip. An item that carries significance is focused on and the protagonist pays a little too much attention to it while acting like they're not paying attention to it.
Jane rummaged through the backpack, lightening the load just like Bob asked her. No need for sterno, they had the kitchen gear for that. Extra magazines for the nine mil were a keeper. She pulled the hunting knife out. A heavy thing, the blade almost nine inches, but she'd never actually used it. If she ever got that close to a zombie she was dead anyway. Did she really need to carry it? She tossed it on the bed. It could stay here until they got back.Any doubts Jane is going to be in close quarters with a zombie and really need that knife and not have it? When the zombie jumps out, no one will be surprised.
The Overheard News
Sometimes this can be done to great effect, but it can also be a neon sign that something is going to happen. The TV is on as a character walks into the room and the newscaster is talking about something the protagonist will need later. Or the protagonist is buying gas and two locals are arguing about a myth or local legend. The detail feels like it's slipped in naturally (it's just background noise after all) but it's stuck in so it's obvious instead of seamless.
Sally slid three tubes of sunscreen and the beef jerky strips across the counter. Highway robbery is what it was, but they needed the ammo and that didn't come cheap these days. She glanced at two old men over in the corner by the blankets.Two things we can expect from this. One, is that Sally will somehow end up at Beggar's Canyon because that'll be the answer to something they need. Two, she'll come across this missing man at some point. Will anyone be surprised? Not a bit.
"No one's seen him," the fat one said. "Told his wife he was headed up to Beggar's Canyon, but we didn't find him."
"Think he took off with that waitress?"
"Doubt it. She has better taste."
The clerk-extortionist handed her the ammo. "Thanks."
Now, you might think that expecting the things these details telegraph would actually raise the anticipation factor. It makes sense from a story standpoint that the reader can see these things coming and has time to wonder when they might occur. That's foreshadowing, right?
Unpredictability is what keeps a reader reading. The uncertainty of how something will play out, what a character will do, how they'll solve a problem. Knowing what will happen makes the story feel predictable, and instead of wondering, they're waiting. If they can see the plot coming a mile away, they can figure out what's going to happen and then nothing feels new and exciting.
If you're drawing attention to it because you want the reader to remember it for later, there's a good chance you're telegraphing. If you're slipping it in and wondering how many readers will notice it, you're probably foreshadowing. Drop the hints. Don't point out the clues.
(Guest author Alina Klein also did a great post on the physiology of foreshadowing)
Staying on the Foreshadow Side of Life
One mystery-writer's trick is to hide important clues in the middle of other things. Readers don't pay much attention to what's in the middle of a paragraph. How different is Jane's knife clue if it looks like this:
Jane rummaged through the backpack, lightening the load just like Bob asked her. No need for sterno, they had the kitchen gear for that. She didn't need to lug around the hunting knife. Extra magazines for the nine mil were a keeper. She slung pack over her shoulders and tested the weight. Better.Now, when the zombie jumps out in close quarters we'll be surprised. And when she goes for her knife, we'll remember she left it behind and start worrying.
For overheard news, I like to mix it in with several other pieces of information. The protagonist doesn't just overhead the details she needs, but several things that fit the situation she finds herself in.
Sally walked into the trading post. Busy, which bode well for today's shopping trip. She elbowed her way through the gossiping crowd.When Sally needs to know something's not right at Beggar's Canyon, she can remember this conversation. Or better, she walk into that canyon blind. If the reader remembers, they'll be extra worried because they'll know something's not right. But they won't expect it until she actually gets there or it becomes relevant to the story.
"Bunch of sixth graders took down a dragger if you can believe that."
"Told his wife he was headed up to Beggar's Canyon, but we didn't find him."
"Heard there was power down in Sante Fe if you had the cans for it."
She reached the counter. "Got any nine mils to trade?"
Are you telegraphing things that "will be important later?" Are there any foreshadowing moments you might take another look at now?
Planning Your Novel: Ideas and Structure, a series of self-guided workshops that help you turn your idea into a novel. It's also a great guide for revisions!
Janice Hardy is the founder of Fiction University, and the author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, where she tapped into her own dark side to create a world where healing was dangerous, and those with the best intentions often made the worst choices. Her novels include The Shifter, (Picked as one of the 10 Books All Young Georgians Should Read, 2014) Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The first book in her Foundations of Fiction series, Planning Your Novel: Ideas and Structure is out now.
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