Getting the Best Response From Your Characters

 photo by andrewrennie

By Janice Hardy. @Janice_Hardy

A very common structure in writing scenes is the action-reaction-emotional response element. The character does something (or something is done to them), they react to it, and they feel something about that reaction.

Bob threw the ball. Jane missed the ball. Jane cried.

Simplistic, but it has all the right pieces. What makes this stimulus/response structure work so well is that this is how we process information, so it gives us a perfect format to double check ourselves in our stories and avoid common pitfalls like telling instead of showing. Let’s look at type of sentence probably every writer has written at some point:

Leslie jumped as a girl screamed.

Seems fine, right? But look closer.

“As” suggests these two things happened at the same time. But the scream is what causes Leslie to jump in the first place. Action/reaction. Stimulus/response. Putting the jump first is out of order. Leslie is jumping before the reader hears the girl scream. The reader has to pause—even if it’s just for a moment—to figure this out. A moment might not seem like much, but anything that pulls the reader out of the story is a chance to lose that reader. So you might change it to…

Leslie jumped when a girl screamed.

But this has problems, too. “When” is telling. You’re not showing Leslie jump, you’re telling us she does and why. It also has the same reaction before the action problem that “as” does. Try flipping it.

A girl screamed and Leslie jumped.

This is the natural action/reaction format we’re used to. There’s a stimulus, and a response to that stimulus. But too much action/reaction in a row gets boring after a while and starts to feel mechanical. What we need is the emotional response to break it up. What Leslie does after she jumps.

That will depend on the pace you’re setting. The emotional response is probably one of the better tools a writer has to control pacing. How much internalization and what the POV is thinking about determines how fast the scene will read. That emotional response is also a fantastic way to keep readers in the head of your POV so the action scenes don’t feel so dry with a lot of description of stuff happening. Let’s look at a snippet with action, reaction, but no emotional response.

A girl screamed and Leslie jumped. She dropped to the floor, hands over her head, her whole body shaking. Footsteps echoed in the hall, coming closer. Sirens rose above the crying and the frantic whispers. Doors slammed, then more screams. Tears burned Leslie’s eyes and she wiped them away.

 Another scream, right outside the door.

Did you start to drift out right about “doors slammed?” There are just too many details in a row without hearing from the POV. That’s the strength of a good emotional response. You can keep the reader in the POV’s head and keep them firmly in the story.

A girl screamed and Leslie jumped. She dropped to the floor, hands over her head, her whole body shaking. We’re gonna die! Footsteps echoed in the hall, coming closer. This couldn’t be happening, not to her. Tears burned Leslie’s eyes and she wiped them away. She had to see. Had to know.

Another scream, right outside the door.

Leslie gets her emotional response–she drops, she thinks about dying, she’s shaking–then the action continues. It’s fast paced and doesn’t slow the action down. But what if you spent longer in her head and less on the action details?

A girl screamed and Leslie jumped. She dropped to the floor, hands over her head, her whole body shaking. We’re gonna die! She’d never find out what might have happened with Peter. Would never see his sweet smile or feel his arms around her shoulders as they walked from class to class. She’d never know if he’d really tried to kiss her yesterday or if it was just one of those moments. It was so unfair! This couldn’t be happening, not to her. Tears burned Leslie’s eyes and she wiped them away.

Another scream, right outside the door.

Felt slower, didn’t it? That’s not a bad thing if you want the pace to slow down, but if you’re trying to write a quick, breathless scene, pausing for a lot of emotional internalization will do just the opposite. It can also pull the focus away from the point of the scene and make readers wonder why the POV is going on and on about this when that is happening.

The trick is to find the right balance between the pace you want, and the emotions you want the reader to feel. Since this is a girl worried about dying and all the things she’ll never get to do, using those fears to help up the tension is a nice mix of emotion and action. It’s not just “panic thoughts,” it’s details that make you feel for this girl.

A girl screamed and Leslie jumped. She dropped to the floor, hands over her head, her whole body shaking. We’re gonna die! She’d never find out what might have happened with Peter. Her sister would have to face the Beasley twins all alone. This couldn’t be happening, not to her. Not now. Footsteps echoed in the hall, coming closer.

Another scream, right outside the door.

Still fast paced, but the emotion helps build the tension, not deflate it. Even the things felt lend themselves to “what will happen” questions the reader might also be wondering about. What would have happened with Peter? What will happen with the sister and the twins? Why is now important? The questions give just enough of a pause to let the situation sink in before showing the next danger.

Things to Remember

1. No one reacts to nothing. There’s always a trigger (stimulus) that causes that reaction. Keep an eye out for things your character is reacting to that haven’t happened yet.

2. Help keep action scenes from becoming dry by slipping in a little internalization now and then. Maintain the personal connection and you maintain the tension.

3. Determine your amount of emotional response by the pace you want for the scene. Fast paced = quick response, slower paced = longer more thoughtful response.

Writing is all about getting your readers to react and respond to your words and story. How you control your character’s responses, goes a long way to how the reader responds.

Originally posted during the Blue Fire blog tour on Vonna Carter.com