Monday, September 20

Write What You Don't Know: POV and Description

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

At the Decatur Book Festival years ago, I listened to a panel that included author Kathleen Duey. The question was about description and world building, and she said something that was just brilliant.

Describe what the reader won't assume.

This is about the most eloquent and succinct description advice I've ever heard. She continued to give a lovely example about a cold wind blowing in off the mountains and a sick grandmother (I wish I'd written it down), explaining that everyone knows what mountains look like so there's no need to describe them.

She's 100% right.

We see scenes in our heads, imagine our characters and and worlds so completely that they're real to us. We naturally want to show all that in our novels. (Well, unless you're like me and have to be beaten with a pencil to add description). But readers don't really care about the stuff in our books, they care about the characters in our books. People are interesting. Their problems are interesting. A three-paragraph essay on their outfit usually isn't.

But going back to Duey's advice...

Readers bring a lifetime of experience with them to a book. They have great imaginations and can picture what they read about as easily as we can. They know what things looks like, and they can imagine them without us describing it at great length.

What they can't assume, is how a character feels about what they see. And that's the stuff to spend time on.

Let's take a basic setting and situation. A small town main street. A woman stopping for something to eat at the local diner on her way through town. I'm guessing certain images have already popped into your mind. We can set this scene in several ways.

The Basic Descriptive Dump
Carla pulled off the interstate and drove into town, rumbling along main street in her rental car. Stores lined the wide sidewalks to either side, their window displays filled with mannequins and sale signs. She spotted the neon glow of a diner and pulled into a empty parking space next to an old pickup truck. Her high heels clicked on the faded asphalt as she walked to the door, opened it, and went inside. She sat at a table in the back, the air conditioning cooling her skin.


Does any of that tell you anything you didn't already imagine? Is there anything there that would make you want to read the next paragraph? Probably not. But let's do the same scene using information the reader won't assume.

The Character View
Carla checked the rear view mirror for the third time since pulling off the interstate. The town was like all the others she'd passed--old, dusty, vulnerable and just asking for trouble. One stupid street you couldn't even loose a tail on. She spotted a parking space in a tiny lot by a diner right out of some old movie. The food would probably suck, but her car wouldn't be easily spotted from the road. She hurried across the lot, her heels clicking loudly enough on the cracked asphalt that heads turned her way. She slipped into the diner and grabbed a table in the back, facing the door.

Now, how much about Carla did you learn from this? Same basic details, same scene, but this is probably a whole lot more interesting. The details do more than just describe what Carla is looking at. We understand why Carla is looking at them and how she feels about it, which sheds a lot of light into her situation. It also builds tension, creates worry.


Carla checked the rear view mirror for the third time since pulling off the interstate. If she's checking the mirror that often, someone is probably following her. The town was like all the others she'd passed--old, dusty, vulnerable and just asking for trouble. Vulnerable and asking for trouble is an interesting detail about her state of mind, suggesting she feels vulnerable and is in trouble  One stupid street you couldn't even loose a tail on. Reinforces the being followed idea She spotted a parking space in a tiny lot by a diner right out of some old movie. The food would probably suck, but her car wouldn't be easily spotted from the road. More hiding She hurried across the lot, her heels clicking loudly enough on the cracked asphalt that heads turned her way. She's been seen, so anyone following her might ask around and know she was here She slipped into the diner and grabbed a table in the back, facing the door. She's planning for trouble

But I still got in the setting details. Old, dusty town, one road, a diner from a movie. You probably have a solid image of that in your mind just based on those few specifics.

You'll often see questions like "How much description is too much?" and "what should I show when I set a scene?" but those are really the wrong questions. It isn't what or how much you show that matters, but why you show it and what it means to the story. Three paragraphs of flat description a reader will probably skim can be riveting if it's spread out over a page or two and shows some aspect of the point of view character and their problem.

Show them what they won't assume and let them fill in the blanks on what they already know.

How do you pick which details to describe? 

Looking for more tips on revising or planning your novel? Check out my newest book Planning Your Novel: Ideas and Structure, a series of self-guided workshops that help you turn your idea into a novel. It's also a great guide for revisions! 

Janice Hardy is the founder of Fiction University, and the author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, where she tapped into her own dark side to create a world where healing was dangerous, and those with the best intentions often made the worst choices. Her novels include The Shifter, (Picked as one of the 10 Books All Young Georgians Should Read, 2014) Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The first book in her Foundations of Fiction series, Planning Your Novel: Ideas and Structure is out now. She is also a contributor at Pub(lishing) Crawl, and Writers in the Storm.

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  1. I hate writing descriptions, so that's one of the things I have to add in my editing-phase all the time. Great post! :)

  2. Glad to know it's not jut me that hates overly descriptive scenes. I find myself skimming those parts because I just want to get back to the characters and what they're doing or saying to each other. There's one book I read that absolutely drove me nuts because of too much description, I won't say names, but I will say, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD I KNOW WHAT THE INSIDE OF A CAVE LOOKS LIKE!!! Whew. I mean seriously, pages and pages in this story were dedicated to describing this cave. In fact the details were so specific, I couldn't visualize what they wanted me to see. Now, I love this particular author and he/she is amazing in creating interesting stories, but I was disappointed with that aspect of his/her writing in that story. I hope he/she never does it again because it may turn me off as a reader from their future work.

  3. Nice post. I love the whole "what the reader can't assume" thing. Great job.

  4. One of my crit buddies is really good at reminding me when I've slipped into "empty land." It can be tough finding that balance between too little and too much.

  5. Wow! Amazing post. I struggle with the balancing act all the time. Thanks for great examples.

  6. This is the second great post on description that I found this week that I'll be linking to later this week!

  7. Awesome post! You're just full of good info. Thanks

  8. I'm terrible at adding description. This is a super helpful post! You're so right...description should mean something. I think that's why I shy away at times. Thanks!

  9. I love this post! That advice seems so simple and obvious, yet it took reading your examples to make me see how it works.

    @Melanie, I may or may not know which book you're talking about, but I feel exactly the same way about too much description: at some point it's so specific you can't picture anything. Janice, I was even having trouble picturing what was going on in your first paragraph.

  10. Great post. I'm loving this blog. You do an outstanding job breaking things down for us.

    This reminds me of the description vs. imagery concept. Imagery can tell a reader a lot about the story and characters. Description tells us about things. Imagery from a character's perspective can do much to show us the character's state of mind and their personality.

    My favorite example was posted on a forum by some unknown writer. I liked it so much I saved it and have used it as an example:

    Description relies on the visual to tell the scene. Imagery shows the scene with all five senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch.

    With imagery, the reader draws the conclusion. It immerses the reader into the work. Description tells the work, but often leaves the reader on the sidelines.

    I'll demonstrate.

    The cops found Susie's body ten miles from her house. She was a young girl. Her mother tied ribbons in her hair before she went to school. The day she disappeared, everyone saw her skip down the sidewalk. So innocent and fair.

    That's description.

    The cops found Susie's corpse ten miles from her trailer. Six days earlier, the ribbons in her hair fluttered in her bubblegum wake. Her voice practiced Jingle Bells, breath misty under the neighborhood's gaze. We noticed her missing before the first period bell. Another ghost to skip the silent sidewalk.

    That's imagery.

    Now, let me ask you some questions in reference to the second passage.

    1. What season is it?
    2. How old is Susie?
    3. What's her economic situation?
    4. Is she the first victim in the neighborhood?
    5. How old is the narrator?

    Notice, you can answer all these questions without me telling you them. You'll draw your own, and correct, conclusions. In fact, you'll visualize what Susie wears and what she looks like without a drop of description from me.

    That's imagery's power.

    It involves the reader.

    All of the above is the example. I don't know who the person who posted it was, but it sure highlights the differences, doesn't it?

  11. Brilliant. I had a chance to hear Katherine Duey this weekend and I learned a lot. But she didn't touch on this subject, and it's soooo important.

    "Descriptive dump" is a great phrase. I've never known how to get across to writers with description-itis why their lovely words create such a ho-hum response. This nails it.

  12. Decatur? Decatur Illinois?

    Now me, I like writing discription, but I've learned to cut back on it quite a lote and let the reader use his/her imagination.

    That doesn't nessisarily keep me from throwing in a discriptive paragraph here and there.

    I think my biggest problem is that I see everything at once since it's my story and I can go over everything in slow motion again and again as I'm writing. Sometimes I have to "speed up" my thinking process in order to get the writing tight enough for anyone else to see it. :)

  13. Boy, now I feel bad, I DO add description. Not like three paragraphs on an outfit but "I do mention things, clothes, buildings, furniture, even the weather.

  14. Eric, that's a great observation about description vs imagery. I saw that sample on the AW boards not long ago.

    Star-Dreamer, Decatur, Georgia.

    Che Gilson, there's nothing wrong with describing those things. It's how we choose to do it that matters. Description is just one of those common trouble spots, and this is one reason why. I mention those things, too, but I do it in a way that does more than just show what those things look like.

  15. Janice,
    Yeah, that was me who posted it on AW a few weeks ago. I got it off another board posted by a guy calling himself Wolf. He posted a lot of gems like that. I never did find out who he was.

  16. So much to learn, and you always do a great job of presenting it to us. Thanks, Janice!

    And Eric, thanks for passing along the description vs. imagery concept.

  17. Great post. I'm working on this very thing with one of my scenes right now.

  18. Awesome post. Just what I needed right now. Thanks.

  19. Neat post, as always, Mrs. Hardy!

    I'm usually light on the description and always have to go back and work it in later. I generally write in first person, which makes it easier to only describe things that the narrator notices, but those narrators tend to be introspective types, so I still have to make sure I don't overdo it.

    It can be fun to play with details, having them mean different things to different people. I have one story where if one character wore a crimson sweater, she'd do so considering the symbolism behind the color. Another would think the color good for hiding fresh blood after a fight. But the narrator, who grew up with red marking prostitutes, tries to wear red and nearly has a panic attack.

    It can help to think about what the MC likes to do or what kinds of details s/he'd think worth noticing. If a narrator knits, for example, she's likely to notice fabric types.

  20. As always, great examples to illustrate the point. This post is a good sanity check for when the writing gets boring and you can't figure out why.

  21. oh. ;) gotcha. Man, if it were in Decatur IL, I would have been furious at myself for missing it. :)

  22. I don't really see the details, or at least don't retain them if I initially notice them. I also have trouble connecting to them emotionally -- I connect emotionally to the big picture instead. It's been difficult getting them into the story because of this. As a result, I've been having to do it backward. I write the scene and connect emotionally to whatever with the big picture. Then I add the details I think someone will look for, a single detail at a time. It's a challenge because I'll often get the wrong word to describe something. Since I'm not connecting to the details, I don't have the emotional reaction to a certain word that someone else would.

  23. Linda, that sounds challenging. I wonder if there's a writing exercise that would help there? I had a guest author who talked about sitting in your backyard and focusing on each sense. Write down what you hear, then smelled, then saw, etc. Not sure if that'll help, but maybe there's a way to kickstart that part of your brain.

  24. Loved this information. Thanks.