The Overwritten Novel: How to Identify & Fix Purple Prose in Your Novel

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Be wary of going too far and turning a good sentence (or scene) into an overwritten mess. 

The term purple prose has been around as long as I've been writing, and chances are you've heard it too. You'll also hear folks say "the prose is too flowery" or it feels "overwritten." People know it when they see it, but how do you spot it in your own work? And more importantly--how do you fix it?

If you're unfamiliar with the term, purple or flowery prose is so filled with adjectives and adverbs, similes and metaphors, that it screams "Hey look! I'm fancy writing" and distracts you from the actual story. You often need a thesaurus just to read it.

Overwritten text is trying too hard, either trying hard to sound "written" or trying to explain too much. For example, one sentence that uses fifteen words when three is enough. Or explaining every single step in a task that doesn't need it. If you ever thought to yourself, "Yeah, I get it, he was angry, move on" then you probably read an overwritten passage.

(Here's more on Avoid Overwriting – Subtle is More Sophisticated)

Overwriting bloats a novel and usually kills the pacing and narrative drive, because the focus is on describing, not on the action. Even when what you're describing is action.

Let's look at a basic sentence you might find in any novel (warning--this zombie example does get a little, um, colorfully gruesome, but the end):

Bob swung the shotgun toward the zombie and blew its head off.

This sentence isn't fancy, but it does show readers what's going on. We know what Bob did in just a few words. Odds are we can easily imagine what this looked like and the steps Bob took to achieve this goal.

Now let's overwrite it:

Bob lifted the shotgun, the heavy stock smooth against his hand. He took aim, staring down the steel barrel at the zombie lumbering toward him.The sights aligned with the zombie's head--two dots and a target. He tensed and braced the butt of the shotgun against his shoulder. Holding his breath, he slowly pulled back against the trigger and fired. The shell whizzed through the air and into the zombie's forehead. Its skull exploded, gray brains bursting through the air and splattering on the wall.

Were you ready to shoot Bob by the end of that? Just shoot the dang thing already!

The danger of overwritten prose is that it can feel exciting because things are going on. On its own, you may have even liked this paragraph and are wondering why it's a problem.

If this is the only passage in the novel like this, it might not be a problem at all. If this is a climactic moment you want to fully describe, it might be fine.

But imagine pages and pages of this level of descriptive detail. 

Aside from dragging the pacing down, it's just too much. Readers don't need to know every little aspect of how Bob shot a zombie--especially if he's been shooting zombies all book.

Of course, there is a happy medium somewhere between the two, so if example one was too sparse for your taste, and example two was too much, you could cut this paragraph in half and see what happens:

Bob lifted the heavy shotgun and took aim, staring down the steel barrel at the zombie lumbering toward him. Sights aligned with the zombie's head and he fired. The shell whizzed through the air. Found its mark. Gray brains burst from the skull, splattering on the wall.

This might still be a bit much for many readers, but it does give a more colorful sense of what's going on.

(Here's more on Painting a Scene vs Dramatizing a Scene)

Anything Can Be Overwritten 

Don't think overwriting is just for long passages. You can overwrite a single sentence:

Holding his breath, he slowly pulled back against the rough edge of the trigger and fired.

Plenty of unnecessary words here, and this is the type of overwriting that will trip most writers up, because it doesn't feel overwritten. We don't need slowly, back against, or the rough edge. We can even cut trigger.

Holding his breath, he pulled the trigger and fired.

Holding his breath, he fired.

He held his breath and fired.

Depending on your style, you could even cut this down to three words:

Exhale. Aim. Fire.

That's a long way from the sixteen original words that said essentially the same thing.

(Here's more on Painting With Prose)

The Difference Between Overwritten and Purple Prose

While overwriting uses too many words to say the same thing, purple prose turns every passage into a word painting. It loves it's imagery, it hovers in the moment, and goes overboard with description.

Let's take that "shot the zombie" situation and really color it purple:

Bob elevated the shotgun, the ample stock smooth against his calloused hand. He took aim, gazing down the cobalt-gray steel barrel at the zombie lumbering toward him. The sights aligned with the zombie's cranium--two spheres, a pair of red-rimmed eyes, shining in the incandescent light of the room. He tensed and planted the butt of the shotgun soundly against his shoulder. Breath ceased, a brief moment of calm before the inevitable cacophony the shotgun would surely emit. Slowly, like a leaf drifting on a summer breeze, he drew back against the hair-trigger and released the shell. The shell sailed through the air and submerged deep the zombie's forehead. It's skull ruptured, mushrooming into a firework display of silvery brains bursting through the air.

Egads.

via GIFER

This is an exaggerated passage of course, but at some point, every new writer has written something equally bad (I know I have). Just like the overwritten example, purple prose doesn't have to be a full paragraph. 

Breath ceased, a brief moment of calm before the inevitable cacophony the shotgun would surely emit.

This is still purple, even if the rest of the paragraph was fine. Purple is most often associated with prose that's trying to sound "literary," "written," or just uses too much imagery. 

Flowery language can happen anywhere. Even when it's not called for.

At this point I'm looking at my example and wondering how to show flowery prose with some guy blowing a zombie's head off, but I'm going to do it anyway, because you don't need sweetness and light to be flowery. This is probably funnier (and worse), because it's so not a passage that needs flowery language.

Bob lifted the shotgun, the heavy stock smooth against his hand like a powerful, wooden cannon. He took aim, staring down the glistening steel barrel at the zombie. Death lumbered, step by step, closing the distance as easily as it would steal his life. Bob aligned the sights with the zombie's rotting head, it's weepy red eyes as dead as the still air around them. He tensed and snuggled the butt of the shotgun against his shoulder, holding it tight. He exhaled, his life's breath hissing out of his lungs. Would it be his last breath? he wondered. Fingers slowly pulled back against the rough edge of the trigger and he fired, the blast reverberating off the mildewed walls and deafening him. The shell whizzed through the air fast as lightning and sank deep into the zombie's decayed forehead. It's skull exploded like bloody fireworks, gray brains dancing through the air and splattering on the wall in their own sad Rorschach pattern.

Wouldn't you rather face the zombie or read that paragraph again?  Even though this is a gruesome scene, it's trying hard to sound pretty. Imagery is overused and the focus in on what's being said, not what's happening.

Even though I personally love the head exploding like bloody fireworks, that's a flowery line for sure. Cutting this down and eliminating some of the flowers would improve it considerably:

Bob lifted the shotgun, the heavy stock smooth against his hand, and stared down the barrel at the zombie. Death lumbered, step by step, closing the distance as easily as it would steal his life. He fired. The shell whizzed through the air fast as lightning and sank deep into the zombie's decayed forehead. Bang! Bloody fireworks.

Still flowery, but at least this gets to the point faster and cuts down on the unnecessary description and imagery.

(Here's more on Is Your Description Helping Your Story or Holding it Back?)

Why We Overwrite in Our Novels

I think overwriting happens because we just get caught up in the scene and try to get every detail we imagine onto the page. We see it unfolding in our imaginations and we forget to self edit. For some writers, we're trying to emulate our favorite authors or books, even if the style isn't compatible with what we write.

Sometimes we're new and just don't know any better. We've read advice that says to show, not tell, or describe what we see in our minds, or flesh out a scene with details, yet no one really explained how we do all that.

Fixing Overwritten and Purple Prose

The one positive aspect of overwriting and purple prose, is that it's fixable. Words can be cut, can be sentences can be rewritten, and we can edit the purple right out of these suckers. Once the scene is out of our heads, we have a much better sense of what's needed and what can go.

If you're worried a paragraph or scene is overwritten, take each sentence one at a time and ask:

• Do I need every single word? (If no, cut those words)
• Can I tighten it? (If yes, do so)

Then, look at the entire paragraph and ask:

• Do I need every sentence? (If no, cut them) 
• And I repeating essentially the same thing? (If yes, cut or combine into one)
• Am I describing every step in an action? (If yes, determine what steps are one readers won't assume)
• Does each step need to be described? (If no, cut what isn't needed) 

If you're worried it's too purple or flowery, ask:

• Does every noun have an adjective attached to it? (If yes, cut some of them)
• Do I use several adjectives in a row? (If yes, cut some)
• Are there multiple metaphors or similes? (If yes, cut back to one per paragraph or even page)

Be objective and consider what's best for the sentence, paragraph, and scene. This is about telling a story, not painting a word picture. There's a line between purple prose and beautifully written, and you won't know where yours is until until you cut out everything that falls over that line.

When it comes to overwritten purple prose, be ruthless and make liberal use of that delete key.

Have you ever written (or overwritten) a passage? Have you read anything that really needed a good pruning? 

**Originally published September 2010. Updated July 2019.

Find out more about setting and description in my book, Fixing Your Setting & Description Problems.

Go step-by-step through setting and description-related issues, such as weak world building, heavy infodumping, told prose, awkward stage direction, inconsistent tone and mood, and overwritten descriptions. Learn how to analyze your draft, spot any problems or weak areas, and fix those problems.

With clear and easy-to-understand examples, Fixing Your Setting & Description Problems offers five self-guided workshops that target the common issues that make readers stop reading. It will help you:

• Choose the right details to bring your setting and world to life
• Craft strong descriptions without overwriting
• Determine the right way to include information without infodumping
• Create compelling emotional layers that reflect the tone and mood of your scenes
• Fix awkward stage direction and unclear character actions

Fixing Setting & Description Problems starts every workshop with an analysis to pinpoint problem areas and offers multiple revision options in each area. You choose the options that best fit your writing process. It's an easy-to-follow guide to crafting immersive settings and worlds that draw readers into your story and keep them there.

Available in paperback and ebook formats.

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book.

She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.

When she's not writing novels, she's teaching other writers how to improve their craft. She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing.

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