Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Query Blurb Make You Want to Ask for Pages?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through January 12.

This week’s question:

Does this query blurb draw attention and make you want to ask for pages?

Market/Genre: Romantic Thriller

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Ask for the Full Manuscript After Reading this Query?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through November 17.

This week’s question:

1. Would you ask for the full manuscript after reading this query?

Market/Genre: Young Adult Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would This Query Letter Make You Ask for Pages?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through November 17.

This week’s questions:

1. I am wondering if it is too familiar at the start. I am aiming this particular letter at a specific agent as you can see. I will amend the letter for other queries.

2. Am I using the correct format?

3. Is my plot clear enough?

4. Do you have any suggestions to make this query stand out?

Market/Genre: Query Letter

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Query Working?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through October 20.

This week’s question:

Is this query working?

Market/Genre: Query Letter

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would This Query Letter Make You Ask for More?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through October 13.

This week’s question:

Would this query letter make you ask for more?

Market/Genre: Young adult fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Fantasy Blurb Work?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through September 9.

This week’s questions:

Does it work as a blurb? Is there enough information about the story and the setting? Are you able to get a general feel for the story or is it too vague?

Market/Genre: Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This MG Science Fiction Query Letter Working?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through August 26.

This week’s question:

Is this query working?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would This Query Letter Grab Your Attention?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through March 11.

This week’s question:

Would this query grab an agent's attention?

Market/Genre: YA thriller

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Request Pages From This Query Letter?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Seven

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through March 5.

This week’s question: 

My query is the result of lots of input, and I’m still not jumping backflips in happiness. All my input says to have an intro paragraph about the book, genre, etc. My heart says start with the action, in this case, the suicide. Your opinion.

Market/Genre: Science Fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: What Might Improve This Query?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through December 26.

This week’s question:

Do you have advice on how to improve my query, or do you see any problems that an agent might find that will make them ultimately pass on the project? 

Market/Genre: Romantic women’s fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Would This Query Make You Ask For Pages?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through October 24.

This week’s questions:

1. Does this query letter have a good hook?

2. Do you think it is a good pitch to the agent? Do you think they would want to read the novel? Would you want to read the novel?

3. I want to provide a plot that is somewhat common, but has twists and turns that give it a new and fresh feel. I want to portray this in the query without giving the whole plot away. Can you get a sense of the twists and turns the novel will include without me flat out stating them?

4. Does it flow well? Is it clunky? Repetitive? Flat? Dull? Boring?

5. Should I include elements of Yasir's personality/what makes him special?

6. Should I include my own voice or keep things generic?

7. This is my first novel. I am just starting out. Is it okay if I omit the bio section? Will agents be turned off if I do?

8. Overall, does this query work?

Market/Genre: Urban, street-lit, African American fiction

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: Is This YA Fantasy Query Too Confusing?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Four 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked until October 17.

This week’s questions: Is it too abstract or confusing? I'm afraid of overwhelming with details. Should I mention age, or is it implied that the protagonist is a teenager?

Market/Genre: YA Fantasy

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: A Look at a Science Fiction Mystery Query

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Five 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through January 17.

This week’s questions:

1. Does it make you want to read the book?

2. What parts hook you the most?

3. Where do I lose your interest as you read the letter?

4. What suggestions do you have for improvement?

Market/Genre: Futuristic Mystery Query

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: A Look at a Fantasy Query: Would You Want to See More?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: One + one resubmit 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through October 25.

This week’s questions:

Does this query make an agent want to ask for the manuscript? Is it noticeably weaker at the end? Are the stakes high enough? As it's a slice of life fantasy, I want to emphasize there are no Dark Lords to defeat or McGuffins to retrieve...the journey is primarily a character one. 

NOTE: Revised query at the end 

Market/Genre: Fantasy query

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: A Look at a Middle Grade Sci Fi Query Letter

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy
Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose it on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Three 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through September 13. Any Sunday diagnostics will shorten that some if my schedule permits, but I wanted everyone to be aware of the submission to posting delay.

This week’s questions:

Does this query letter work?

Market/Genre: Middle Grade Science Fiction Query

NOTE: Revised text at the bottom.

On to the diagnosis…

Real Life Diagnostics: A Look at a Middle Grade Query Letter

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and I diagnose them on the blog. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Eight

This week’s question:

Is this query working?

Something new this time: A query critique! I haven't done one of these for RLD before, but I was asked and I thought it would be fun to do something beside pages. Shake things up a bit.

Market/Genre: Middle grade science fiction

On to the diagnosis…