Testing...Testing...is This Query On? Identifying Problems in a Novel

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Writing a query letter before you write the novel to identify problems before you run into them.

Writing a query letter can send many writers into a cold sweat, but I like to write queries before I start a novel. It helps me pinpoint the core pieces of my plot and lets me know right away if I'm missing something critical I'll need to write the book. Typically, if I can't write a query, that's a big red flag I won't be able to write the novel either. There's an inherent flaw in there, and until that gets fixed, the query (and novel) will never work.

The query is also a solid test for why a finished novel isn't working (or selling) for the very same reasons. Problem query letters often holds clues to problems in the novel we aren't seeing.

If you're just testing your novel idea before you write it, getting stuck on the query letter isn't so bad--but if you've spent years writing your novel, and suddenly find yourself struggling with the query letter, it can be pretty disheartening. It can also mean the novel's not yet ready.

Here are four common query letter issues that often reflect a problem with the novel itself:

One important note here...

I'm not saying having trouble writing a query letter means your novel is doomed. Sometimes it means you just have trouble writing a query letter. This is for the query that will not under any circumstance work. If you've been banging your head against the keyboard for a long time, and getting all kinds of frustrating feedback from critique partners, and you have that sinking feeling maybe it's the book, this diagnostic might help you find out why it's not working.

For some great visual examples, watch some of these movie trailers.

Well, It's About, um, Well, it's Like This...

Probably the most common query letter issue is not knowing how to condense your novel into a few sentences. This usually happens when you don't know what your story is about, and you've written a premise novel. Premise novels are books where a really cool idea (premise) is explored, but none of the characters really have a stake in what's going on. They're just there to act out a part and show off the cool premise.

Queries With This Problem Often Look Like: You see a lot of backstory and world building in a premise novel query. Cool histories, neat ideas, grand notions. But when you look closer, you don't see a protagonist actually trying to do anything. It's more explanation of why they need to do it, and it frequently links into a huge plot/prophecy/conspiracy/tragic history/mistake of some type. The "past" often plays a major role, usually something that happened to make the world/protagonist the way it/he/she is. It reads a lot like set up for a novel, really.

Is This My Problem?: Can you identify your protagonist? Can you identify her main problem? Can you identify the major conflict that is driving her to the end of the novel? Can you identity what she needs to do to resolve this conflict? If you answered no to any of these, there's a good chance you have a premise novel and there's no protagonist with a goal driving your story.

How Do I Fix it?: Find the protagonist and figure out what she's trying to accomplish. Find the core conflict of the novel and make sure that's what the protagonist is working toward solving the whole book. Take a closer look at your subplots and make sure they connect to and support this core conflict, or work within the theme of your novel.

(Here's more on Is Your Novel All Premise and No Plot?)

It's Important Because, Well, You See There's This Bad Guy...

The second most common issue is a lack of stakes (you'll also see this in a premise novel). If there's no real goal, there can't be consequences for not achieving it. No consequences lead to readers not caring about the book. This also occurs when the stakes aren't high enough, such as when the love interest has to chose between two men, but either one will make her happy and there's no downside to picking one over the other. If the query letter just isn't grabbing readers, you could have a "who cares?" novel.

Queries With This Problem Often Look Like: You'll see a lot of explanation about what happens, but little to no why or why solving the problem matters. Or if there is a "why it matters," there are no consequences to the protagonist making that choice, as in the above romance example. The novel is about someone who goes through some stuff and makes a choice (or not) but nothing bad will happen if she makes the wrong choice.

Is This My Problem?: Can you identify the risk the protagonist is taking? Can you identify the consequence if she loses or fails? Is that consequence something that will adversely change her life forever? If you answered no to any of these, you might have a problem with stakes and there's nothing to make a reader care if your protagonist wins or not.

How Do I Fix it?: Find the reason for readers to care and add some real stakes. Look at the things your protagonist has to lose if she fails this quest/journey/problem. Give her choices consequences and force her to make hard decisions. Nothing should be easy for her, and if she makes the wrong choice, very bad things should happen to her.

(Here's more on What's at Stake? How to Make Readers Care About Your Story)

It's About These People Who...Oh? You've Heard it? But This is With Ninjas!

One of the roughest problems is a novel that uses a well-loved idea, but didn't put a fresh enough spin on it. These can be real gut-kickers, because you might be able to write a good query, but no one is hooked by it. It might even be a good book, but one that just doesn't quite break out of the pack.

Queries With This Problem Often Look Like: People read your query and instantly say it reminds them of a book/movie/TV show. You'll also see common ideas, or generalities instead of something unique to that story. You secretly worry that it sounds too much like "X Book" and feel the need to explain to people why your book isn't like that at all.

Is This My Problem?: This one is tougher to diagnose. It takes real soul searching and objectivity to overcome the natural love we have for our stories and see them as they truly are. Can you identify the difference between your novel and the well-known one? Are those differences different enough to set the novel apart? Is the setting different? Are the characters different? Is the plot different? If you answered no (and don't hedge... that sorta counts as a no) to several of these, you might not have a fresh enough take yet to set this novel apart.

How Do I Fix it?: Find new angles on your story. Take what's similar to another book and look for ways to make it different. Remember--similar themes and general premises are fine, and lots of books have the same idea but are vastly different. If you're only taking, say, the girl who meets a mysterious vampire at school and making it the girl who meets a mysterious vampire at band practice, that probably isn't enough of a change to make the story feel fresh. What goes underneath the trappings of story is what matters. The same story can be told a million different ways. The plot that tells that story is where you need to be as original as possible. And plot is all about what happens to whom and why.

(Here's more on You Look Familiar: Four Tips on Adding a New Twist to an Old Plot)

It's Just Way Too Complicated to Explain in Two Paragraphs!

Epic fantasies and historical novels run into this one a lot. You have so much in your story you can't explain it in 300 words or less. You've got a bloater--a novel that has taken on a life of its own. Every secondary character has a storyline, stories are told over vast periods of time, events are happening on a grand scale and there's often some major darkness at the end of it everyone's trying to stop (or make happen, as the antagonist's point of view is often included).

Queries With This Problem Often Look Like: Over one page. You'll also typically find several characters and their histories, frequently in list form with each character getting his or her own paragraph, and a summation paragraph at the end that says why all these people need to do whatever it is they're doing. You also often see a lot of world building or setup explaining why this event is so important, but the stakes themselves are frequently vague, such as "to save the world" or "to stop the rampaging evil."

Is This My Problem?: Can you identify the theme or problem linking all the plot lines together? Does taking out any one (or more) characters change the outcome of the story? (Don't hedge here, be strong) Does it start when things start to go wrong? Are all the subplots vital to the resolution of the novel's climax? If you cut any of the subplots does it affect the resolution of the story at all? If you answered no to any of these, you might be facing a bloater.

How Do I Fix it?: Repetition is the most likely culprit in this kind of novel, and you're probably showing the same things from multiple character perspectives. Not necessarily the same event (though this isn't unusual), but the same kind of scene. People fighting, escaping, discovering things, etc. Stuff is happening all the time, but only one, maybe two of those things really matter to the plot, so the stakes either barely escalate, or escalate sharply and then stay flat for a long time, because we need to see how seven different people react to something.

Look for characters that can be merged into one, which trims the novel, and deepens those characters since they'll have more conflict. Find the characters who truly need to be there and cut the rest. Weed out extra subplots that don't advance the core story. Identifying your key players in the story helps a lot as well--you'll have clearer goals driving the story and can chose which characters to keep or cut based on how they affect that core story.

(Here's more on Too Much of a Good Thing: Over Plotting Your Novel)

There are other problems you can run into with query letters, but these are some of the more common reasons a query (and a novel) might be kicking your butt. Objectivity is hard, but sometimes taking a hard look and being honest with yourself can save that story you love and turn it into something that you can sell.

Have you ever used a query letter to test a novel idea? 

For more help on plotting or writing a novel check out my Plotting Your Novel: Ideas and Structure.

Go step-by-step through plotting and writing a novel. Learn how to find and develop ideas, brainstorm stories from that first spark of inspiration, develop the right characters, setting, plots and subplots, as well as teach you how to identify where your novel fits in the market, and if your idea has what it takes to be a series.

With clear and easy-to-understand examples, Plotting Your Novel: Ideas and Structure offers ten self-guided workshops with more than 100 different exercises to help you craft a solid novel. Learn how to:

• Create compelling characters readers will love
• Choose the right point of view for your story
• Determine the conflicts that will drive your plot (and hook readers!)
• Find the best writing process for your writing style
• Create a solid plot from the spark of your idea

Plotting Your Novel: Ideas and Structure also helps you develop the critical elements for submitting and selling your novel once it’s finished. You’ll find exercises on how to:

• Craft your one-sentence pitch
• Create your summary hook blurb
• Develop a solid working synopsis And so much more!

Plotting Your Novel: Ideas and Structure is an easy-to-follow guide to writing your novel or fixing a novel that isn’t quite working. 

Available in paperback and ebook formats.

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book.

She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.

When she's not writing novels, she's teaching other writers how to improve their craft. She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing.

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