Did You Choose the Best Words to Describe Your Setting?

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Your reader doesn’t know what you’re picturing when you write a scene. Make sure they see what you see.

Setting is a vital component of a novel, but it's one of the more awkward things to write naturally. People don't stop and describe the landscape, so having characters who do can feel forced and knock a reader right out of the story.

It gets even more complicated when you think about how pretty much every scene needs its setting described so readers know where they are. But if you over describe, or use the wrong details, readers can get bored and start skimming, or get confused and stop reading.

In a critique, such descriptions often get feedback such as: "The setting didn't feel real to me" or "I never felt grounded in this world" or even "I just never connected to the character."
 

One of the most common missed opportunities I see in manuscripts is not doing enough with the setting.

Unlike world building, setting the scene is often more about describing what’s in “the room.” What things look like, where the characters are, what's immediately around them, the time of day, and so on. The goal is to ground readers so they don't feel lost in a "white room" of ambiguity.

Let's say you want readers to know a scene occurs on a street in a small town in Georgia during the fall. You could describe the setting like this:

Bob walked down Peachtree Avenue as the autumn wind blew around him.

There’s nothing wrong with this, but what does it tell you about the setting aside from general details that could be any street anywhere?

A guy walks down a street and wind blows. If he's in Canada, that's probably a cold wind. Mexico’s wind will likely be warm. Arizona’s wind won't look the same as Iceland’s, or even Rome’s.

(Here’s more with Want Better Descriptions? Describe What Readers Won't Assume)

But the writer for this pretend scene knows what Peachtree Avenue looks like. They know the temperature and velocity of the wind. They know Bob's reaction to it and what he does when it hits him. They picture the leaves and the chill in the air and a dozen or so other details.

Essentially, they also assume that everyone who reads the word "autumn" pictures these same things, because that’s what they picture.

But this isn’t always the case.

(Here’s more with If You Can Make it There... How Setting Can Affect Your Story)

I grew up in South Florida so my autumns looked very different. There were no falling leaves, no cold breezes, or any other stereotypical “autumn” clues. Autumn was hot and humid, and basically the same as any other day. I picture Bob walking down a street in shorts, his arms wide to cool himself off in that refreshing wind. If it’s gusting, odds are good there’s a thunderstorm brewing, because that’s normal for Florida.

This can lead to a reader/writer disconnect.

Sure, readers aren't stupid, and most folks are likely to picture autumn as the writer intended, but it's probably never going to feel real to them. They won’t get lost in this world and immerse themselves in the story because the details are too vague and generally “autumn,” not a specific place during the fall.

And that’s a good way to lose a reader, and a great way to get a rejection if that reader happens to be an agent or editor.

(Here’s more with 3 Steps to Ground Readers in Your Story World)

Help readers connect to and get lost in your setting by using details unique to your story, or ones that haven't been used dozens of times before.

Let’s play a bit more with our autumn wind setting. 

What are the common things readers will imagine when they see the word “autumn?”

Fall (common): Leaves falling, leaves changing, cooler air washing away the summer heat.

These are all good details, but there’s nothing special about any of them. They’re great for little filler details that help remind readers it’s autumn without distraction, but they don’t do much to help flesh out the setting beyond the basics.

They also don’t offer much help to flesh out the characters, develop the theme, or advance the plot, because there’s not much for the character to interact with or judge in any way.

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Let’s dig a little deeper and get more specific.

Fall (uncommon): The time changing (fall back), the new TV season, breaking out warmer clothes, kids going back to school, football games, holidays, cinnamon smell in the grocery store, relatives visiting.

These are better details and things more likely to evoke specific memories in both readers and characters. Autumn for me always meant going to my aunt’s house for Thanksgiving and playing football with my cousins (usually in the dress my mom made me wear).

Such specific moments give you opportunities to trigger memories in your characters, which lets you describe the setting and lets readers get to know the characters better.

That’s where choosing the right setting details really matter.

Because you can say “a cold wind chilled his face as he debated leaving” or you can say “Honking geese crossed the sky, getting out of town while they could. He figured he ought to do the same.”

Version two gives you more to work with to show the setting and what the character is thinking and feeling.

Let’s now look at some specific details we might use to describe an autumn setting.

Fall (specific): Pumpkin spice everything. Mariah Carey Christmas memes. Halloween decorations going up. Birds migrating. Local festivals and events. The smell of burning leaves or fireplaces.

All these details came to me with just a little thought, and they’re much more interesting and evocative than traditional, generic autumn setting details. If I had a particular point-of-view-character in mind, I’d have even more specific ideas that related to them and where the scene takes place.

(Here’s more with 3 Secrets to Writing Vivid Settings)

Here’s a fun brainstorming exercise I use when I’m developing a scene:

Grab a blank sheet of paper or open a new file and take a look at your setting.

1. Write down the general setting.

For example, a street in New York, Geveg, 1672 Mexico, high school, a space station.

2. Write down the first details that come to mind when you think about this setting.

For example, tall buildings and honking cabs. Canals and tropical heat. Haciendas and local market squares. Lockers and classrooms. Docking bays and recycled air.

The first details you think of will likely be the same ones most of your readers will imagine. Because of that, the scene can feel flat, typical, or just plain boring. Readers have seen it before and it offers them nothing new.

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3. Picture this setting and think about why you choose it for your novel. Look past the basics and really imagine yourself there.

• What are the details people overlook?
• What’s fresh or interesting about this place?
• What do you hear?
• What do you smell?
• What do things feel like?
• Taste like?

Push beyond what characters just see and imagine the setting will all of your senses.

4. Now write down the details you found after putting yourself there.

For example, street hustlers and homeless people. Bars and take-out pizza restaurants with the scents of fresh bread baking. Traffic and cabs clogging the street and honking at each other. Old trash stinking up an alley. Crowds walking along the sidewalk in all kinds of different types of clothing. Noise from people and traffic.

5. Finally, picture your point of view character. Put them in the scene and look out through their eyes. Write down the details they see.

For example, hustlers playing Three-Card Monty outside a pub rumored to be owned by the Mob. Horns blaring and cabbies shouting out the windows, reminding them of Al Pacino’s “I’m walkin’ here!” The tangy smell of hot pizza, ruined by a whiff of urine in a trash-strewn alley. Music blaring from a passing car, the base thumping so loud they feel it in their belly. They dance a little as the car goes by.

This is way better than what we used before. There’s even a sense of character here now, and a glimpse of this world from a story standpoint.

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When you picture the setting from your character’s point of view, you'll come up with a lot more interesting details that carry not only setting information, but character, plot, and theme information as well.

Don’t just go with the first details you think of. Pull out the unusual aspects of your setting and surprise your readers with something new. The details your character notices mean something to them, so they’re more compelling than a general sense of “what’s there.” Through their eyes, a typical setting becomes fresh, perspectives become interesting, and readers pay more attention.

EXERCISE FOR YOU: Take five minutes and do the above exercise on one of your scenes. Edit to use the new (and hopefully stronger) setting details you’ve come up with.

How deep do you go when figuring out what details to use to set your scenes and describe your settings?

*Originally published April 2013. Last updated September 2023.

Find out more about setting and description in my book, Fixing Your Setting & Description Problems.

Go step-by-step through setting and description-related issues, such as weak world building, heavy infodumping, told prose, awkward stage direction, inconsistent tone and mood, and overwritten descriptions. Learn how to analyze your draft, spot any problems or weak areas, and fix those problems.

With clear and easy-to-understand examples, Fixing Your Setting & Description Problems offers five self-guided workshops that target the common issues that make readers stop reading. It will help you:

• Choose the right details to bring your setting and world to life
• Craft strong descriptions without overwriting
• Determine the right way to include information without infodumping
• Create compelling emotional layers that reflect the tone and mood of your scenes
• Fix awkward stage direction and unclear character actions

Fixing Setting & Description Problems starts every workshop with an analysis to pinpoint problem areas and offers multiple revision options in each area. You choose the options that best fit your writing process. It's an easy-to-follow guide to crafting immersive settings and worlds that draw readers into your story and keep them there.

Available in paperback and ebook formats.

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book.

She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.

When she's not writing novels, she's teaching other writers how to improve their craft. She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing.

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Writing exercise time! (CONTEST CLOSED)

In 250 words or less, describe a Spring setting

But here's the catch--you can't use traditional Spring words or images. No flowers, no bright green, no new growth. Look for the unusual and personal way your character would describe the setting they're in.

Post your entry in the comments section. Deadline for entries is next Monday, April 29, at noon, EST. I'll choose the winner and post the finalists on Tuesday, April 30th. 

Winner gets a 1000-word critique. Previous winners are ineligible to win, but they can still do the exercise if they want. You can even do the exercise even if you don't want a critique (not everyone has something ready). Just say you're doing it for fun and I won't count you.