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Saturday, September 28, 2024

How Do You Know if Your Writing is Getting Better?

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy
 

Without objective feedback, it's hard to know if you're improving or just making the same mistakes. 

Almost every writer at some point has wondered, "Is my writing getting any better?" I've wondered about it, many writers I know have wondered about it, and odds are good you have, too. It's a normal question when what you're doing is so subjective. 

Sadly, there's no easy checklist to verify if you're improving or not. It's also really tough to judge our writing, because it's hard to be subjective about our own work. We can love our bad writing and hate our good writing—and we often have trouble telling the difference. 

Of course, you can always get a paid critique or manuscript review from a trusted professional source, but not everyone has or can afford that option. For this post, I'm focusing on what we can do on our own.  
 
Here are some things you might try:

Ask your friends or writing partners: They might not want to be completely honest if it might hurt your feelings, but they should be able to tell if your work is getting better or not. The real trick here—be objective and take it all seriously. Try your best not to get defensive if the answers aren't glowing. 
 
Check out your old critiques: Previous critiques are gold mines of information we can use. Examine what comments you regularly received, then compare them to new critiques to see if you're still getting those comments. If the feedback is the same, that's a good indication that you're still making the same mistakes. But if you're making all new mistakes, that's actually an indication that you're improving, especially if the new mistakes are on more advanced writing techniques.

One caveat on critique comparing: Look at polished or close-to-finished work, not early drafts. There are probably things that qualify as "bad writing" that you do during a first draft that are part of your process. Maybe you use adverbs as placeholder words or have a lot of "she smiled" type tags that you'll later flesh out with real internalization and emotion. If this is the case, your new work will probably have the same comments.   

Judge it for yourself: It's a lot harder to be objective, but you can also review your old and new work as if you were critiquing someone else. What feedback would you give that author? It might help to use a critique form or something that forces you to evaluate the writing and articulate what you think. 

Compare your old work to your new and ask:
  • Are you willing to share this with others?
  • Are you embarrassed by it?
  • Are you looking for ways to improve it?
  • Do you feel comfortable submitting it?
  • Can you identify the good as well as the bad?
  • Do you feel like it's gotten better?


Let's take a walk (of shame?) down my fictional path.


Since things are so much easier when you have examples, I critiqued several pieces of my old writing from as far back as college. Hopefully it'll give you ideas for things to look for in your own work, and questions to ask, such as, are you telling emotions through adverbs or are you dramatizing scenes? Is there a solid point of view or is the narrator floating about somehow? Are you giving the reader reasons to care about your characters?

At the very least, it should be entertaining, right?

1992-ish: This is from an idea I had that became my training novel. 


This draft was handwritten in pencil, so that shows you how long ago I wrote it. Eventually I wrote it "for real" with the intent to sell, but these pages aren't there yet. This is the opening of the first chapter.
The Griff Inn was a dark, dreary little tavern that sat on the end of an equally dark and dreary street. Its windows were dirty, its floors unswept and its customers were an accurate cross-reference of the riff raff of Kintari. It drew the thieves as easily as the murderers, and that naturally brought in the charlatans, the highwaymen and the local scum.

Let's just say it was not the moral backbone of the city and leave it at that, shall we?
It was, however, Aradelle's destination and she walked through the darkened streets with none of the fear the average person would feel in the same situation.
I cringe reading this. It's all told, there's this weird omniscient first person-esque narrator, there's no hook. 

Now, it's not horrific, as it has a developing voice that's kinda nice, and I can see the beginnings of my style starting to come through. There's storytelling, weak as it is, and it's going somewhere (eventually). 

To critique myself, I'd say I needed to work on point of view in a big way and show, not tell. I'd suggest going deeper in the head of my point of view character (and pick a real point of view style) and show the world through their eyes. Since I'm following Aradelle here, she'd be my choice. (And a decade later she was).

1995-ish: Same story a few years later. Again, the opening chapter.

Akeem rubbed his eyes and prayed he hadn't heard Breon correctly. 

"What do you mean you lost the body?"

Breon glanced at his comrades helplessly before answering. 

"It was in the back room of the Inn but when I sent Heslyn back for it, it was gone."

"You mean you left the body alone?"

"Well, I guess..."

"Oh, Breon, how could you? How am I supposed to explain to the mayor's wife that we lost her husband's body?" He paused again to run his fingers through his hair. "Do you have any idea where the body went?" 
The three men looked at each other sheepishly, a sign that Akeem took to mean no.

"You do have people looking for it, right?

"Oh sure, we've got Taashar and Everald out right now." Breon looked from Heslyn to Brandir for agreement. They both bobbed their heads helpfully. 

"Kren," Akeem called to his advisor and scribe. "How long before we have to tell the Lady Alizine about this?"
Better, but it has a host of problems. I have a point of view character finally, Akeem, but I'm not solid in his head and I'm still telling. There's not much voice yet, but a sense of it is there. It starts off a lot better, too. There's a fun hook, a goal, and something is clearly going on. 

This is a workable scene and I could fix this with not a lot of trouble. Get rid of the telling (like the "he paused to run his fingers through his hair" and the "before answering") and add some internalization to get a better sense of who these characters are would improve it considerably. I'd want to avoid introducing seven characters on the first page. I'd replace all those adverbs with stronger verbs and nouns to show the actions. 

Despite these flaws, you can see there's a story building and with some tweaking, I could make this work. It's not a bad rough draft, actually. The underlying structure is okay.

2003: I set the fantasy aside and wrote a YA sci fi. Again, the opening page.

Nadine stared out the window overlooking her soon-to-be-ex-home and sighed. There it was, hanging in the cold, black void of space. Though billions lived on it, Earth was alone.

Just like me.

She could make out Florida's peninsula; a fat, blue-green finger covered by white cloudy smudges. Her house was there, somewhere south of the blue spot that was Lake Okeechobee.

Last week, her stuff had been stacked in her room, but now it was all gone, given to friends or thrown away. All that remained was crammed into a 24 by 24 box with a nine-digit number stenciled across the side. Her life. Squared. 

Photos of friends she'd never see again, the gold medal she'd won at the Interstate Gymnastics Competition, the worn stuffed pig her father had given her when she was three, the brand-new driver's license she'd never get to use. Most precious was Kyle's letter, sweet words that told her how much he'd miss her, how much he loved her and would always love her, even when she was a trillion miles away.

She sighed again. Life was so unfair.
I totally see improvement with this, so I hope you guys can, too. Nadine is a solid point of view character, and the internalization is her opinion about her situation. I've set up a situation here, though the hook is a bit weak. I'm taking too long to get started, tossing in too much backstory (the "what's in the box" paragraph is too long). There's a voice here, though it's not quite where it will be in a few more years. But it's not far off.

The writing is fairly solid, but the story and the plot could use some development. The text also needs tweaking to trim out the slow parts and get a bit more "what's about to happen" in there sooner. Even though I'm in Nadine's head and using her voice, she's telling a bit much to get some of that background in. It's not terrible, but it could be stronger. Again, a decent first draft (though this was a polished draft to me at the time)


2006: I went back to my fantasy premise (I still love the idea of that novel and one day hope to make it work). The opening pages.

The dead man sat on a rock just above the high tide line, and the way he eyed the children made Aradelle reach for her knives. Yet her hand hesitated over the rapier. She needed the man’s soul, but she’d prefer not to take it where the children might see. Nerves tight, she waited behind curtains of old nets tangled over the skeletal beams of a decade-old shipwreck. 

Lightning crackled across the water. The children squealed. A heartbeat later, their high-pitched giggles merged with a deep rumbling. 

“Priestess, are we too late?” Durshuur whispered from deeper within the wreck’s shadows. His golden eyes shimmered, and in the dim light, his elongated pupils looked almost normal.

“For the others, yes, but not these.” 

Two little boys darted in and out of the waves, flinging small crabs at each other. A red-haired girl played in the tide pools the unusually low tide had uncovered, shrieking when a crab flew her way. Aradelle longed to race out and chase them away. She didn’t lest she scare the dead man.

Durshuur knelt, peeked over her shoulder. “Will he try to take all three?”

“If he can. The fisherman’s twins disappeared together.” Lost in the woods, or so Sepeluk’s magistrate had claimed that morning. He’d been organizing search parties when they’d arrived. It was only a matter of time until they found the bodies and made her task harder. 

“Maybe the twins really are missing?” 

She frowned and Durshuur quickly looked away. 

“Of course not. Apologies, Priestess.”
This is only a year before I started The Shifter, and it really surprises me how little of my voice I see. It was much stronger in my earlier work. Here, I'm trying hard to sound "like a fantasy novel" and that sucked the life out of my writing. 

I finally made Aradelle my point of view character, and I feel in her head for the most part. It's not as close as I'd like, and a little tweaking is in order to yank out some repetitious words, and clear up a few spots where I pull away from her head. 

Overall, it's not bad, and this did get me some nice rejections, but there's nothing about it to grab a reader either. 

If I critiqued this today, I'd tell myself I'm trying too hard to tell a story, not Aradelle's story, and that shows. 


I'm focusing more on the setting, the mood, the tone, and not nearly as much on the goal of the point of view character and how she feels about it. Her feelings and motives are tucked in a bit, but they're kinda afterthoughts. I don't think anyone cares what's going on here. Without that, why bother to read on? 

2007: The very first draft of the opening of The Shifter.

Stealing eggs is a lot harder than stealing the whole chicken. With chickens, you just grab a hen, stuff her in a sack and make your escape. But for eggs, you have to stick your hand under a sleeping chicken. Chickens don’t like this. They wake all spooked and start pecking holes in your arm. Or your face, if it’s close. And they squawk something terrible.

The trick is to wake the chicken first, then go for the eggs. I’m embarrassed to say how long it took me to figure this out.

“Good morning little hen.” The chicken blinked awake and cocked her head at me. She flapped her wings a bit as I lifted her off the nest, but didn’t fuss. Soft down floated around my head like dandelion fluff.

“Don’t move.”

Two words I didn’t want to hear with someone else’s chicken in my hands. 

I froze. The chicken didn’t. Now spooked, her scaly feet flailed above the eggs that should have been my breakfast. 

A watchguard with a rapier aimed at my chest smiled. Most times I enjoyed handsome men smiling at me in the moonlight, but his wasn’t a friendly smile. I’d learned to tell the difference between smiles a lot faster than I’d figured out the egg thing. 

“So Heclar,” he said, “you do have a thief. Guess I was wrong.”
It's easy to see I found my voice and my stride here. A solid sense of point of view and character, a good hook, solid writing. You care about this character and what's going on with her. It has some bumpy spots I later smoothed out, but it's not that far off from what was eventually published. A huge difference from what I wrote back in 1992, eh? 

2018: The opening page of my urban fantasy, Blood Ties.


The child was pure evil, no doubt about it. The bane of the entire prosthetics ward, so naturally they’d dumped her on me. Being the new gal anywhere had its share of drawbacks, and Andrews Medical Center was no different from any other hospital I’d worked at, hence the Saturday shift, and the problem-patient hazing. For five days I’d put up with Daisy’s faux woe-is-me show, even though I’d stopped falling for that trembling lip and tear-soaked-eyes act on day two.
 
“I know it hurts, Daisy, but you can do it,” I said, voice level. One did not cajole the Devil Child lightly.

“You don’t know anything, Miss Legs.”

Not her best rejoinder, but I admired her skill at avoiding repetition. I knelt beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I know if you don’t do your therapy you’ll be stuck in that wheelchair.” I tipped my head at the chair, crammed into the corner next to the therapy stairs like it had pissed off its father. “Put your other leg on and let’s get to work.”

“I hate these things more than I hate you.” She glared at the prosthetic she hadn’t yet put on as if she could make it burst into flames by sheer will.
 
“So don’t let them win.”

Her glare shifted to the floor in front of her and I mentally crossed my fingers. One, two, if she made it to five—

“They’re not alive! They can’t win anything!” she screeched, swinging her leg at me. I braced for impact. “You’re so stupid! Go away.”

Maybe I'm biased, but I'm happy with this (which is why I published it). There's strong dialogue, my voice is clear and all me, and there's a good mix of dialogue, exposition, internalization, and stage direction. There's also a likable protagonist, and it gets right into some action that readers will hopefully care about. 

Obviously, it's a lot more polished and readable than my early work, and I can clearly see a big difference in skill here. This is pro level, which it should be considering I was a professional author when I wrote it (grin). 

It's not easy to know if you're getting anywhere or just doing the same thing over and over, but the more objective you can be about your writing, the better the odds of spotting improvement, or places where you can improve. 


Often our writing gets to a polished level before our storytelling does, so look there as well for improvement. A story that grabs readers, but has writing that needs a lot of polish, is a step in the right direction, too. Or you might be at the stage where the writing is good, you're doing everything you should be doing, it's just a matter of finding the story that makes readers care.

EXERCISE FOR YOU: Give your old work a look and pretend you've never seen it before. How does it compare to what you're writing now? What feedback would you give yourself? 

How do you judge your old work vs. your new writing? Can you tell if you've improved or not?

*Originally published January 2011. Last updated September 2024.

If you're looking for more to improve your craft (or a fun fantasy read), check out one of my writing books or novels:

In-depth studies in my Skill Builders series include Understanding Conflict (And What It Really Means), and Understanding Show Don't Tell (And Really Getting It). My Foundations of Fiction series includes Plotting Your Novel: Ideas and Structure, a self-guided workshop for plotting a novel, and the companion Plotting Your Novel Workbook, and my Revising Your Novel: First Draft to Finished Draft series, with step-by-step guides to revising a novel. 


Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, including The ShifterBlue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book. It was also shortlisted for the Waterstones Children's Book Prize (2011), and The Truman Award (2011).

She also writes the Grace Harper urban fantasy series for adults under the name, J.T. Hardy.

She's the founder of Fiction University and has written multiple books on writing, including Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting It)Plotting Your Novel: Ideas and Structureand the Revising Your Novel: First Draft to Finished Draft series.
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes | Indie Bound

31 comments:

  1. Oh I've been waiting to see this one. I can't believe how many of these I read! How wonderful that you can share with everyone here.

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  2. Was a fun post to do. I think you've read all but the first few, since they were handwritten or typed on an actual typewriter!

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  3. This was a fun read. Thanks for sharing so many snippets of your work, I can definitely see the change and growth. And, as someone who hasn't read The Shifter, I now want to :-)

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  4. This is wonderful. I think all published authors should post snippets of their early work.

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  5. This is great. Thank you for sharing so many pieces of your early work. I love what you said about growing if you're making new mistakes. (I don't suppose a person ever gets to the point where their work is completely mistakeless? Sigh.)

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  6. Count me in as a new reader who can't wait to get her hands on The Shifter! The chicken set-up is priceless.

    It's so funny that this posted now. I just found a story that I wrote in seventh grade and rewrote in eighth. Baby Bookworm is ridiculous, and I think it'll be fun to put her ridiculousness up for the internet to see. :)

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  7. Very interesting to see how your writing evolved! Love the voice in the final excerpt you posted - very funny :D

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  8. Awesome post, Janice!

    Just wanted to add that some of the ways I know my writing has improved is from

    1. Putting my work in a share your work forum on a writing website (AW) to let others critique it. I take those crits very serious and really pay attention to what I can learn from them and apply them in my future writing. Ex. Too many adverbs, too many dialogue tags, Use shorter sentences for action scenes, etc.

    2. Read other people's posted work and pay close attention to the comments/critiques/suggestions made to those pieces and learn from that. That's where I first heard of purple prose, which you so wonderfully explained :-)

    3. Critique other people's work. It's amazing how much I have learned by reading and noticing things in their writing. It makes me aware of those things in my own writing.

    4. Most importantly, be receptive to constructive criticism or you will get NOWHERE!!!! Seriously, sometimes crits on your work can sting and burn and make you want to look the other way (partly from anger and partly as a way of self-preservation to your ego), but give it some time to sit and think about it and consider it and suddenly things start to make sense and you can learn some amazing things.

    Just thought I'd throw that in there :-) Thanks again for always being so open and honest about your writing. Sometimes it's so easy to forget that even the great writers how to start somewhere and have all improved and continue to do so.

    3.

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  9. Rachel: Very cool! I love hearing that (the Shifter part)It was fun to find this old stuff and re-read it, even if it was a bit painful.

    Tessa: I do, too. I think it would help to see how other writers evolve and that they go through what everyone else does. Would make those early growing pains a lot easier to handle.

    Chicory: I think you do get to a "mistakeless" point from a general skill level, but every book is going to have it's own share of mistakes and things to improve. But those would be more on the story side I bet.

    Bookworm: Thanks, I love my chickens. :) You should post it! It would be fun. We could start a trend, get others to do it...

    Danya: Thanks! I found it interesting that the voice in the first sample sounds a lot like he final. When I Had no clue what I was doing, my voice was there, then I lost it as I learned, then I got it back once I figured stuff out.

    Melanie: Great suggestions. Crits are awesome learning tools for both sides of the process. I've learned so much doing them. Heck, I've learned a lot just doing this blog and being forced to examine WHY I do what I do out of instinct. And yep, everyone starts somewhere :) All art goes thorough an ugly stage no matter what level you're at.

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  10. Hadn't caught your post during the blog tour and read it...really great measurement tool. I recently went back to the first novel I wrote and was really wowed by not only how my writing style had improved...but changed. My voice is very different now.
    Edge of Your Seat Romance

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  11. I think you can also get an idea of your skill level by how much you understand the terminology. For example, when you hear about showing versus telling,do you know what that means? If someone says you need to show rather than tell in your own work, do you say "But I thought I did!"? Eventually, you'd like to be able to spot those flaws in your work before someone else does, but if you can see them when they are pointed out, and know how to fix them, you're making progress.

    This applies to giving critiques, too -- do you often have good suggestions that resonate with the reader? Or do you tend to miss problems that others point out?

    One of my favorite writing books is Self Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King, because each chapter has exercises at the back where you edit something, and then look at their edited versions and explanations. It's a good way to check how much you're seeing and how much you're missing.

    Thanks, Janice, for sharing these examples!

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  12. It was so interesting to read your early work. Thanks for sharing!

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  13. Thanks for letting us get a peek at your early writing. I feel like i'm somewhere between apprentice and intermediate. Some good-'ol advice that I find useful: read a lot and write a lot. There will be stories that don't work (on any of the levels you mention) but without writing them, you won't know if you've figured out how to create voice or tell a story arc.

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  14. Janice you've been on fire this week!

    Tone, POV, narrative distance and now this, it's like manna from heaven for any unpublished writer.

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  15. Raquel: That's awesome that you see that. Being able to step back from your work and see it as it is is such a great skill to have. Of course, it does tend to make you revise more often, but it's worth it, lol.

    Chris: Those are great observations, and I totally agree. I can remember someone giving me advice and thinking "what the heck does that mean?" Later I knew, and I was able to look at the feedback in a whole new way.

    Ghenet: Most welcome! Thanks for reading :)

    Anna: That's my number one advice for any writer trying to develop their skill.

    Sam: Thanks! It's easy when you guy give me such great topics to work with.

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  16. You know Janice, I've read this a few times now (and enjoyed it) but I kept coming back to the post because there was something about that very first 1992 excerpt that got me more than the later stuff.

    I know it was all telling and not showing, but this line: "Let's just say it was not the moral backbone of the city and leave it at that, shall we?" was really really interesting to me.
    I loved the voice in that.

    And I also think that the 1992 excerpt was simpler, whereas the later ones got less simple. I'm not saying the 1992 one is better. Just that it caught my eye and as a reader, I didn't think it was so bad, not at all.

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  17. Sierra, I also like that old post, because you can see my style and voice there, even though I hadn't done much to develop it yet. It feels the most "me" until I finally found my niche with Shifter. I still cringe, but that's probably normal, LOL.

    Oh! I've been wanting to do a post on voice and you just now gave me an idea on how to do it. Thanks! More old stuff coming. :)

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  18. Janice,

    Thanks for taking my inquiry so seriously, and though the answer's not as clear as I'd like, given what a struggle this issue is for me, you give me some hope for this part of the process that always tries my patience and confidence. Did I mention patience?

    I started a blog recently (On hiatus at the moment, though, due to Writer's Heartbreak, like the classic Writer's block, but with the pain you feel when you lose a friend or break up with a spouse) and I did a feature on my particular niche and mistakes I made, and sadly continue to make, and I shared some excerpts of my early stuff.

    I'm still worried what I meant to convey wasn't very clear, but then I'm more emotional than analytical by nature, especially when it comes to writing.

    I'm kind of jealous of you that way, Janice, you get the analytical parts of the process so well, but I keep hoping there's a way for writers like me who find plot more frustrating than voice to not always feel so lost.

    For those who found Janice's take on the question I posed helpful, maybe my attempt to answer my own questions on my blog will help-

    http://talkinganimaladdicts.blogspot.com/2011/01/humanity-behind-beast-part-3-what-i.html

    I hope I'm not being too bold here, but I sure could use more discussion on this subject at my blog, check it out if your interested.

    Take Care Janice,
    Taurean

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  19. Well, bummer. I'm sorry it wasn't more helpful. It's a hard thing to answer, because there is no clear cut way of answering that question. A lot of it is gut feeling as you develop your craft and see where you now do something well that you used to do badly. A lot of it is hearing from crit partners, and being able to look at your work more objectively. Those are skills you develop just like you develop your writing.

    It IS part of the process though. Really. My ability to look at my work now comes from a lifetime of writing and studying writing. I wrote my first "novel" at 12, 200 hand written pages. At 25 I was trying to sell my 140K monster of a first real novel. At 40 I actually sold one. I've written probably 25 novels in my life, most of them really bad ones. I studied, I learned, and I spent many an hour frustrated and feeling like I was never ever going to get anywhere. If you keep working at it, you will get better.

    I wish I could say "do these three things and you'll get better" but there is no easy out like that.

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  20. Perfect post at the right time for me!!! Thx so much for taking the time to share your knowledge.

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  21. Such a great post, and exactly what I needed. I think one of the hardest lessons for a writer is learning how to gauge improvement. Thanks so much!

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  22. TWL, most welcome! It really is hard to know if you're getting better. Hard to know how to give advice there, too!

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  23. I know I've improved a lot since I began writing...especially since I wrote my first short story at 6.

    It's actually a decent story. But the writing and scene development needed some extreme improvement. I like to read it every once in a while, though. Just to remind myself how I started. I can still remember how frustrated I was, reading over the words I'd just written.

    "But that's not like what I imagined at ALL!"

    I hated that first story when I was 6. Refused to write anymore of my stories down on paper for years after that. It was so much better inside my head, you see, but somehow the words got all scrambled on the way to the paper.

    I've improved a lot since then (thank goodness). But I still struggle with that dreadful scrambler between what I see in my head and what comes out on the screen or paper. It's that moment that it comes out perfectly, every word describing exactly what I want it to, that I write for.

    Alas, such moments are rare. Yet beautiful all the same.

    Thanks for the wonderful article! I hope you have a great day, and happy writing!

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  24. Oh, that's awesome. I wish I had a story I'd written at six. What a great reminder of how you've grown. That is the challenge--getting what's in your head on paper. There are times when it's easier, but no matter what level you're at, it can still be a struggle. You're not alone!

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  25. Thanks for sharing your evolution. Mine was a bit different, but shared so many of the pratfalls. I love the opening of Shifter. The voice is great, I didn't expect chicken stealing to open a fantasy novel and you left me wanting more. What a fantastic example of good writing.

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  26. I'd be embarrassed to post snippets of my early work. Oh, it's terrible. Of course, my original work was written in pencil when I was 9 years old... Then short stories at 15. My big thing is making sure I get deep in the POV character's head then describe what I see, hear, smell and feel. It wasn't always, though. My early novels were all telling. Took me a couple decades to get down the art of showing, then another decade to figure out how to tell the difference and when to use each effectively.
    In my personal experience... Many chickens are accustomed to people sticking their hands under them to get eggs and don't make much of a big deal (my experience working farms for 2 decades). But I am sure there are chickens who do. And I absolutely loved the opening... it was light and intriguing at the same time. Very different for a fantasy book (though, I also write fantasy and mine are different too). You drew me into the story with that scene if merely for the fact it was such a unique premise for the genre. Definitely made me want to know more. :-)

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  27. Sasha Anderson6/03/2020 4:35 AM

    See, I thought the 1992 example DID have a clear POV - that of the omniscient narrator. Of course, if that wasn't what you were going for, that's bad. But if it was, is there any reason an omniscient narrator with an interesting voice shouldn't tell as much as you want them to? From that passage, I'd probably end up with something like this:

    -------------------------------------------------

    The Griff Inn was a dark, dreary little tavern at the end of a dark, dreary little street. Its windows were dirty, its floors unswept and its customers... let's just say it was not the moral backbone of the city and leave it at that, shall we?

    But the thieves, murderers, charlatans, and general riff-raff of Kintari instilled no fear in Aradelle Surname as she strode towards the Griff at midnight.

    ----------------------------------------------

    Yes, I know I've changed the story, added my own style, and that it still needs work, particularly in the second paragraph, but I've just done it quickly and wondered what you thought. Is this a reasonable way to start a story?

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    1. You're right--it does have a clear omniscient narrator. If that was my goal, your edits would have helped it, and you could indeed make it work in that way.

      For me, it wasn't what I was trying to do, and I can see how I was struggling to mesh my natural first-person style (which I wasn't aware *was* my style back then) with third person and got something odd.

      But you could absolutely write a story using this voice and style, and The Book Thief does something similar (first person, yet still third person). If you want a close, yet omniscient narrator, something like my 1992 snippet could work.

      I prefer a tight POV, but that's not the only way to write. Omniscient third is just as valuable if that's what another writer prefers.

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  28. I love this, there's so much wonderful advice and useful tidbits here. And it was so insightful to get a glimpse into your journey and experiences. Checking out old critiques is something I do very often and find incredibly useful. Thanks for sharing!

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