tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post7781236696758777873..comments2024-03-27T10:02:56.747-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: Writing for Younger ReadersJanice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-51384141263017355762011-11-19T20:45:16.266-05:002011-11-19T20:45:16.266-05:00I found this interesting because I recently publis...I found this interesting because I recently published two middlegrade juvenile mystery novels, and wonder if I'm writing above the 9-12 year level.Jean Henry Meadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08146960738692672013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-35020361934460471402011-11-19T16:25:23.345-05:002011-11-19T16:25:23.345-05:00CO, there's only one in the queue right now, s...CO, there's only one in the queue right now, so the next thing submitted would be run on Dec 3rd. I typically have 1-4 submissions in at a time. I actually started saying how many were in recently so folks can see.Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-40749077334827525972011-11-19T15:10:54.462-05:002011-11-19T15:10:54.462-05:00I'm the first to admit that it's a LONG ti...I'm the first to admit that it's a LONG time since I've read anything aimed at your target audience, and my children are a bit younger than that. So please take my comments with a grain of salt.<br /><br />This feels more aimed at a 6-8 year old age group. The distant narrator, the word use (especially in the first paragraph), and the age of the protag all emphasise this.<br /><br /><br />It doesn't feel passive (for this style of writing), but it does feel a bit... boring. Nothing's really happening at this point, other than Samuel lying/sitting on the floor. While you get across the boredom factor well, you probably don't want your readers feeling it too strongly! I guess I'd be asking myself: If I was an 8 year old stuck in a museum, what would I LIKE to be doing, even if I knew I'd get in trouble for it.<br /><br />Good luck!Jo Eberhardthttp://thehappylogophile.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-32430616523992730912011-11-19T11:11:11.472-05:002011-11-19T11:11:11.472-05:00While the first paragraph uses repetition to achie...While the first paragraph uses repetition to achieve an effect, the narration seems detacted. (Sitting up from the hardwood was a tall, skinny boy.) <br /><br />I don't remember what exact POV was commonly used when I was reading in that range, but I do remember lots of 1st person and limited.<br /><br />@ Mrs. Hardy: Is there a line for this column? For example, would it take months for my submittion to be presented, or is the wait short, like two or three weeks?chihuahuazerohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15677672177353350936noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-61716123951098357572011-11-19T09:43:41.619-05:002011-11-19T09:43:41.619-05:00I don't think the language is too passive, but...I don't think the language is too passive, but at this point the main character is. I agree that having him swing a broom in his boredom would create greater sympathy and be more fun for the reader than having him lie on the floor. <br /><br />Also, watch out for sentence fragments. "The famous man's jersey DID nothing to disguise..."Pennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17645834949716719099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-6572756243782465972011-11-19T06:33:41.162-05:002011-11-19T06:33:41.162-05:00No idea on the age level, but some parts did feel ...No idea on the age level, but some parts did feel too passive, as with "Sitting up from the hardwood was a tall, skinny boy."<br /><br />You showed you can use great verbs - "Samuel wallowed to his feet and scuffed off to poke at the broken vases" - so just look for those instances of "was."<br /><br />And like Janice said, having him restless and fiddling with something on display would help. Or maybe swinging a broom like a sword, which would really get one's attention in such a small museum.Steve MChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15026970188928733645noreply@blogger.com