tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post743439989298959958..comments2024-03-27T10:02:56.747-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: Creating Tension and Hooking Readers in a Prologue Janice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-36271385556208374862014-11-04T07:35:19.684-05:002014-11-04T07:35:19.684-05:00Most welcome :) Glad it helped. Most welcome :) Glad it helped. Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-17309610818523343572014-11-02T21:03:35.806-05:002014-11-02T21:03:35.806-05:00As a mother, I did understand the feeling of dread...As a mother, I did understand the feeling of dread that was being described here. With a newborn, waking up to a silent house is truly terrifying. I also understood the loudness of the silence, as it were. Most of my friends with kids have described a similar terror, so this works for me. What didn't work was the telling. Being told she woke up at 6am only to find out it wasn't, being told she was a new mother, begin told of her terror, I'd have liked this to be shown--perhaps through her waking up leisurely, stretching, then jumping upright in fear (here the reader would be intrigued and want to know why). Flying round the house looking for her baby (here is when we'd find out she was a new mother), perhaps thinking about the other day when she'd spend the whole day just watching the baby in case he forgot to breathe (here we'd get that she was an anxious new mother). I think this would help a lot with the urgency of the story. But I enjoyed this little excerpt, and I'd read on. Well done writer!Sally Hepworthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07417446672874466269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-53532889877386970482014-11-01T16:34:24.168-04:002014-11-01T16:34:24.168-04:00The distance I felt as the reader was one of the t...The distance I felt as the reader was one of the things that stood out most. Your suggestion to dramatize thigs a bit more would certainly address that and really make it something readers could dig into.<br />Thanks to the writer who shared. As much as this may help you, others can gain knowledge as well.Angela Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03324366495151363782noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-82900959074773240442014-11-01T14:24:07.577-04:002014-11-01T14:24:07.577-04:00Janice, I appreciate your honest thoughts. I certa...Janice, I appreciate your honest thoughts. I certainly will give this a second and third look. Seeing this through your eyes, it does make sense that I have to bring the reader closer to the character. Thanks again....:)Henyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14218132405687448085noreply@blogger.com