tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post7214221160375992003..comments2024-03-27T10:02:56.747-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: A Friendly Problem: Starting With Narrative Janice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-21219153843262959822012-10-17T17:44:36.814-04:002012-10-17T17:44:36.814-04:00I'd suggest using that wonderful chewed on pen... I'd suggest using that wonderful chewed on pen image to transition into the narrator's emotions and what she plans to do now to get into the goal part of the scene. It's set it up well, so a strong push into the plot would really hook readers. <a href="https://www.rx247.net/acyclovir.html" rel="nofollow">www.rx247.net/acyclovir.html</a><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02183420482584270556noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-41619135469275738022012-10-16T07:57:18.512-04:002012-10-16T07:57:18.512-04:00"...promised myself not to think about math.&..."...promised myself not to think about math." I relate so much to that, it isn't even funny.<br /><br />Brava!!Rachel6https://www.blogger.com/profile/15138745237488029817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-85385955467422844382012-10-14T02:03:02.527-04:002012-10-14T02:03:02.527-04:00Loved the spare best friend line, carried the teen...Loved the spare best friend line, carried the teen voice wellsjphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05772883091207430753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-33613670214478715622012-10-13T16:08:39.289-04:002012-10-13T16:08:39.289-04:00Thank you all so much for your kind comments. You&...Thank you all so much for your kind comments. You've given me a needed boost of confidence to press on and figure out the "murky middle." <br />This blog is such an incredible resource and go-to for me - it's been a bit of a thrill to be featured:)<br />Thanks again!<br />Marilee Hayneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16757885702409755120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-75995098773676324702012-10-13T15:41:24.690-04:002012-10-13T15:41:24.690-04:00Reading this was like reading from a published nov...Reading this was like reading from a published novel. The voice was perfect. I don't want to say "good job" because that sounds condescending especially since you obviously know what you're doing; instead, I'll say "thank you" for the enjoyable read.sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03818420999930644450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-74197516598558569462012-10-13T14:48:01.005-04:002012-10-13T14:48:01.005-04:00I wanted to keep reading too. The story would be ...I wanted to keep reading too. The story would be right up my daughters alley because of the Best Friend Issues (she's had plenty). Using the word "ginormous", to me, by a teen, sounded appropriate. It added a bit more drama to the problem. When I saw the repetitive (great) line, it reminded me of something that I just realized today of my own work. Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06046423592819903046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-84235831088048308872012-10-13T13:21:21.330-04:002012-10-13T13:21:21.330-04:00This is a terrific opening. You've got me hook...This is a terrific opening. You've got me hooked. I agree with virtuefiction....I'm assuming the reason for needing a new best friend is a funny one. Or at least something not too serious, based on the tone in the opening. Great job.Heather RQhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08283245168541151026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-37834617724700472512012-10-13T10:22:34.799-04:002012-10-13T10:22:34.799-04:00I have to agree with Janice: this works. I loved t...I have to agree with Janice: this works. I loved the hook, and I definitely wanted to keep reading.<br /><br />For some reason, perhaps because I can't remember the last time I've actually seen it written, but the word "ginormous" pulled me out of the story.<br /><br />If the reason for needing a spare best friend is because of something serious, such as a death, then this word betrays the protag entirely. The same would go for "humongous", "epic" and so on.<br /><br />I'm assuming the reason is humorous because of the set up, but personally I would have chosen a word other than ginormous. The simpler "enormous" would suffice.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com