tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post6825972230100907261..comments2024-03-27T10:02:56.747-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Here’s the Pitch—It’s a Hit! Crafting Your Novel's Pitch LineJanice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger69125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-77635899888660033022023-05-26T09:11:46.254-04:002023-05-26T09:11:46.254-04:00Here are my thoughts:
1. When the lead singer of ...Here are my thoughts:<br /><br />1. When the lead singer of a rising band loses her ability to write songs [I like this as a conflict] she has to “fake date her oblivious past rival” [Not sure what this means, though I like how they get forced together by her problem] and let go of her tragic past in order to help her band succeed on their debut. [Is the past related to why she can’t write songs anymore?]<br /><br />--This one seems like it might have a fun setup, but I can’t see the conflict and story yet.<br /><br />2. After losing her ability to write, the lead singer of an up-and-coming band has to fake date her ex-girlfriend's famous ex-boyfriend in order to help her band succeed, learning to let go of her tragic past in the process.<br /><br />--Not as strong as the first one, and I have more questions about the exs here.<br /><br />3. After losing her ability to write, the lead singer of an up-and-coming band has to fake date her ex-girlfriend's famous ex-boyfriend in order to help her band rise to the top.<br /><br />--Same.<br /><br />Overall, the setup looks fun, but I’m still unclear on what the problem is and how these details relate to each other. The conflict appears to be her inability to write songs. But how does fake dating help her get her ability back? And rising to the top seems too general and vague, since this is what every band wants. <br /><br />If her problem is she can’t write, then that’s what’s keeping her from “the top.” So the romance should help her get over her issues and be able to write again, while she’s falling in love. And that will help her “get to the top” or whatever that specifically means in the book. <br /><br />I suspect this is all there, it’s just not clear in the pitch yet. Hope this helps!Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-23670767121546865942023-05-25T17:27:56.999-04:002023-05-25T17:27:56.999-04:00Just like Danielle, I'm commenting just in cas...Just like Danielle, I'm commenting just in case someone can help me out with my one line pitch! I'd really appreciate it! <br />I'm actually between all of these (my story is a romance btw)<br /><br />1. When the lead singer of a rising band loses her ability to write songs she has to fake date her oblivious past rival and let go of her tragic past in order to help her band succeed on their debut.<br /><br />2. After losing her ability to write, the lead singer of an up-and-coming band has to fake date her ex-girlfriend's famous ex-boyfriend in order to help her band succeed, learning to let go of her tragic past in the process. <br /><br />3. After losing her ability to write, the lead singer of an up-and-coming band has to fake date her ex-girlfriend's famous ex-boyfriend in order to help her band rise to the top.<br /><br />Thanks in advance and good luck to all!Mariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06699374482889099528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-45948265238797344612022-08-30T12:39:59.153-04:002022-08-30T12:39:59.153-04:00Here's another try. Not sure if this one is to...Here's another try. Not sure if this one is too wordy now? <br /><br />"Linda Pumpernickel's lackluster life gains new purpose when she is visited by an other-worldly creature and embarks on a mission to save the universe from going out of tune, but to do so, the absent-minded retiree must outsmart a megalomaniacal cult leader." <br />Daniellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17927955746918070159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-35643589266867652402022-08-30T12:26:41.784-04:002022-08-30T12:26:41.784-04:00Oh good! It totally felt that way. Good luck with ...Oh good! It totally felt that way. Good luck with this :) It sounds fun. Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-84244481080832111502022-08-30T12:21:08.049-04:002022-08-30T12:21:08.049-04:00You are 100% correct about the humour and the Doug...You are 100% correct about the humour and the Douglas Adams vibe, so I guess I've done something right. Thanks for the feedback! Daniellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17927955746918070159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-59908575800341631392022-08-30T11:46:08.172-04:002022-08-30T11:46:08.172-04:00Interesting. I like the idea of a retiree pulled i...Interesting. I like the idea of a retiree pulled into an other-worldly mission, and I'm curious how the universe could go out of tune. This has a Douglas Addams feels to it, which makes me think it's humorous SFF. <br /><br />It’s still a bit vague to show what the conflict and personal stakes is about, even though I do have a general sense of the story. If you could get a few more details and eliminate some of the vagueness, it would help show the story better. But it’s a great start! Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-62093281417396320392022-08-30T11:35:48.722-04:002022-08-30T11:35:48.722-04:00I realize all these comments are years old, but on...I realize all these comments are years old, but on the chance that someone might reply to this and give me some feedback, here's mine:<br /><br />"An absent-minded retiree is visited by an other-worldly creature, and finds herself unwittingly involved in a mission to save the universe from going out of tune."Daniellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17927955746918070159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-75616450123841724462020-07-22T17:13:38.808-04:002020-07-22T17:13:38.808-04:00I'm pretty sure this is way too long, but can&...I'm pretty sure this is way too long, but can't seem to condense it down or change it without giving too much info :( So much harder than writing the actual novel!! <br /><br />All she wanted was the truth, but the lies were piling up, just like the bodycount. Toni was digging for the truth, but some lies are best left buried. When she realises her father was more involved than she could ever imagine, she finds that the man she thought she couldn’t trust ends up being the only one she can.Wendy Jonesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-43316596307248812332020-06-04T15:25:57.586-04:002020-06-04T15:25:57.586-04:00Those usually focus on the larger issue, and menti...Those usually focus on the larger issue, and mention the cast in an ensemble way, such as, "a group of X" or "Three Y." Or they pick the main protagonist and show it from their perspective.Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-85560348734497247852020-06-04T15:24:29.264-04:002020-06-04T15:24:29.264-04:00Very late to this question (sorry!) but replying f...Very late to this question (sorry!) but replying for those who might have the same one. Yes, as long as the tropes of women's fiction are also there. Many WF novels have some type of mystery in them. Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-75730189572220313242020-06-04T04:38:53.051-04:002020-06-04T04:38:53.051-04:00What about novels that follow multiple characters?...What about novels that follow multiple characters? that aren't single-story concept? loss of culture or cultural clashes? surviving an epidemic through the eyes of multiple people? historical fiction is full of vast panoramic narratives. How do you pitch those?<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08090620313658019076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-37944540759829042142019-09-30T16:13:21.086-04:002019-09-30T16:13:21.086-04:00Off-target here, but can mysteries be included in ...Off-target here, but can mysteries be included in the Women's Fiction genre?<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06949050229733600608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-54561363231689181712017-09-24T13:45:28.826-04:002017-09-24T13:45:28.826-04:00I just discovered your blog and will delve more de...I just discovered your blog and will delve more deeply into its wisdom in the coming months. Thank you for sharing your experience and taking an interest in burgeoning writers!<br /><br />I arrived here looking for tips and tricks in composing an effective elevator pitch and found your post really incisive and systematic. Back in 2015, I attended my first Worldcon in Spokane and quickly discovered that I was not prepared for the "What's your novel about?" question at all. A fellow fantasy writer kindly clued me in after I had rambled for a minute or more. "Umm, yeah, it's, you know, kind of complex and tough to sum up but I think it's really interesting and...oh, text message from your agent, eh? Sure, I can wait...I mean, I'd give that top priority too...you know, if I had an agent?" Fiddles awkwardly with sunglasses as the ship of opportunity sails off.<br /><br />I've been honing my manuscript and occasionally tinkering with an elevator pitch ever since. If this thread is still active, would you do me the kindness of reading my latest attempt and sharing your thoughts? I hope to attend the next Worldcon in San Jose and redeem myself:<br /><br />"An ex-soldier and his heretical wife flee the wrath of the ruling church and struggle to find peace with each other—while beyond the veil of mortal sight, sinister forces plot to use them as pawns in an ancient war."<br /><br />Thanks so much!<br />JasonJason & Chrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12339430668136214175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-38138237197911747832017-07-12T15:51:10.074-04:002017-07-12T15:51:10.074-04:00Thank you for posting -- definitely packed with he...Thank you for posting -- definitely packed with helpful hints. Amy Benoithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07104777301909895976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-85446906435449053242016-03-04T08:29:26.359-05:002016-03-04T08:29:26.359-05:00I am. It's pretty good.
If it's just for ...I am. It's pretty good.<br /><br />If it's just for you, and beyond is fine. It'll remind you of the bigger picture. As a pitch, I'd probably leave it off and show a little more about the conflict. It's a great setup, so now, what's the issue preventing the protagonist from succeeding? Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-50327436481078457762016-03-04T08:27:28.062-05:002016-03-04T08:27:28.062-05:00The first one is off to a good start. I can see wh...The first one is off to a good start. I can see who the protagonist and antagonist are, though I'm not sure what the conflict is yet. Are the others the same book? Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-44747111566797047632016-03-02T06:32:21.429-05:002016-03-02T06:32:21.429-05:00Are you still open for feedback? I just found this...Are you still open for feedback? I just found this article and writing a pitch helped me clarify where I want to go with the story I'm in the middle of planning.<br /><br />"When a mysterious explosion kills someone close to her, a mercenary sets out to find the culprit, only to stumble across an ancient conflict that spans the entire world- and beyond". <br /><br />Although I'm not sure if adding "beyond" is a good idea. At the beginning of the story neither the reader nor the pov characters know that there even is a "beyond" and the reveal that there is is inevitably tied to a huge spoiler, in addition to being a spoiler itself... I feel like something like that shouldn't be in an elevator pitch?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-40866220599324764322016-02-22T10:45:44.322-05:002016-02-22T10:45:44.322-05:00Awesome blog and brilliant advice and examples.
H...Awesome blog and brilliant advice and examples. <br />Here goes nothing: <br />"An ambitious young princess plots to get to the throne and seeks the help of her greedy cousin, Duke Horace. He is in control of a bloodthirsty demon, who will kill anyone on command. <br />In a world where magic is rare and demons are merely a myth, we will join one who has no choice but to take part in the humans’ affairs. <br />What does it take to be a Queen? What is the Price of the Crown?<br />A tale of betrayal and loyalty, family and bloodshed and a pinch of romance."Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05493779236668454644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-50517459114696773882015-09-02T07:14:12.483-04:002015-09-02T07:14:12.483-04:00The beauty of email :) I get a notice of new comme...The beauty of email :) I get a notice of new comments. Some weeks it takes me a few days to respond to things (or longer if it's a super hectic week), but I do try to keep up with everyone.<br /><br />The pitch works. I think it's solid enough to keep you on target while writing it, the goal and conflict is clear, and I can see generally how this will unfold. <br /><br />I have plenty of questions about the world and story, but that would provide some follow up material during a verbal pitch. <br /><br />My only concern (and it might not even matter) is that I wonder if the protagonist is violent and "bad" or if she's different. I assume she's not like all the others or she wouldn't be the hero, but that's not shown in any way. If you could find the right adjective to show she's different, that could help. But I wouldn't muck up the pitch trying to fit a lot in. This makes me curious to know more, and that's the key part.<br /><br />Funny, I just yesterday sent a manuscript to my agent that also deals with "firsts," but don't worry---it's a TOTALLY different everything from yours :) Just a world where birth order also plays a role.Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-18851069462352982102015-08-30T12:40:33.283-04:002015-08-30T12:40:33.283-04:00Hi Janice - so amazing you are still monitoring th...Hi Janice - so amazing you are still monitoring these threads YEARS after first starting them. Your tips on this are so helpful! Thank you! Here's my 653rd attempt :)<br /><br />Set on a world where first-born children are so violent they're exiled to a distant moon, a stranded teenage Firstling must convince a clever military officer to aid her escape -- while not letting on she’s the daughter of an enemy he’s sworn to kill.Meredithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12758936794537867903noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-59944183208348824102015-08-12T12:25:34.342-04:002015-08-12T12:25:34.342-04:00That's tough, because they sound like three di...That's tough, because they sound like three different books (though I like all three). A fourth line that shows how these are all connected would probably bring it together though.<br /><br />To hit a one-sentence pitch, you;d probably have to be more generalized, like "three people face..." and show what they have in common with the conflict. Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-49047521497191850132015-08-11T02:09:59.984-04:002015-08-11T02:09:59.984-04:00Any advice on writing a hook for a story with mult...Any advice on writing a hook for a story with multiple POV characters? My work in progress has three of them and they have almost no direct interaction, although their plots are nonetheless inextricably interwoven. Anyway, here's my attempt at hooks for each of the plotlines seperately:<br />A relapse in Paige’s anxiety brings with it disturbing supernatural events, and her only chance for survival may lie in the secrets her old psychiatrist was keeping…<br />When his childhood friend disappears, Zay puts his vlogging skills to work exploring the double life she led, and finds himself embroiled in a conflict between beings she called gods…<br />Esther makes a deal with a reality-warping disaster in the making in order to survive a recon mission gone bad, but the promise she makes brings doubt to her quest to avenge her husband and daughter…<br />Graysonhttp://admiralgrak.tumblr.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-92180665632824409722015-08-06T14:39:07.640-04:002015-08-06T14:39:07.640-04:00They're always active, even if it takes me a d...They're always active, even if it takes me a day or two (or more) to respond :) <br /><br />I'll focus on #2 since this is aimed more at one-line pitches. I like both parts on their own, but they don't feel like they match. What does the stepfather trying to destroy Hazel have to do with them secretly marrying? Perhaps try to connect the conflict and stakes more to show what the core problem of the novel is.Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-84970359377166887912015-08-06T14:35:55.226-04:002015-08-06T14:35:55.226-04:00Better. For a working pitch this is good, as you d...Better. For a working pitch this is good, as you don't need perfect details for yourself. For an agent/editor pitch, you might looks for ways to be a little more specif about the conflict and stakes. Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-17158998092262638662015-08-03T23:49:03.865-04:002015-08-03T23:49:03.865-04:00Hi,
I'm not sure if this thread is still a...Hi,<br /> I'm not sure if this thread is still active but if it is I'd love some input on this pitch!<br /><br />Hazel and Max are promised to others, but their love will not be denied. Flying in the face of family, duty, and even common sense, they risk everything to be together. When they secretly marry they believe their future is secure. But they didn't plan on Hazel's stepfather, who will stop at nothing to destroy her. <br /><br />OR<br /><br />When Hazel and Max secretly marry, they believe their future together is secure. But they didn't plan on Hazel's stepfather, who will stop at nothing to destroy her. <br /><br />Thanks so much!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com