tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post6756773827575314905..comments2024-03-27T10:02:56.747-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening Page Feel Slow?Janice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-31419948385160124192019-06-22T10:45:52.124-04:002019-06-22T10:45:52.124-04:00Thank you for your comments. I hadn't noticed ...Thank you for your comments. I hadn't noticed all the names when I wrote it, but you and another reader both called it out. I'll need to smooth that out.<br />Thank you for all your advice to writers. I get as much out of seeing other critiques as of my own. Your craft articles are thought provoking.Mark Dooleyhttp://www.rookeryofsaintgiles.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-48936309536707774162019-06-22T10:35:41.602-04:002019-06-22T10:35:41.602-04:00Like Janice said, the details work well, but with ...Like Janice said, the details work well, but with so many people you could prioritize who gets a name and how we see them. Sofia could bring up a quick thought from Calvin to establish her as a girlfriend, while more of the poker crowd could be just "the Nguyen brothers" or "that kid in the corner." We want to feel like we know them through Calvin's eyes, but we also want to share Calvin's comfortable sense of which ones are important and which ultimately aren't, so we don't drown in names. Some of them (like Juanita and Anh) might be important but could still do better if you brought them in a page or two later, and you could fill their space with more about the named or nameless characters you've already shown.<br /><br />Starting slow... that's partly a genre decision. You certainly do it well, but you want to be sure that humorous mysteries like this have enough leeway for it-- not just that a few books take this long or that its big names get away with it, but that enough typical tales do this. If they do, readers will savor this; if it's uncommon, you may want to tighten it up and come back to some of this later.<br /><br />If you decide to tighten it, I see two ways: either let the call go quickly to a sign that something is Very Wrong there, or let it take its time but make the phone ring just a few lines into the story. (Calvin could even stay half-aware of the game or go back to it until the news gets worse; as long as the call starts fast we know it'll be key.) It's the one-two punch of waiting two paragraphs before the story proper starts and the start itself still being so slow that might bother impatient readers. And again, that's if typical standards don't apply. I can easily believe that "humorous mystery" writers love a slow opening, if it's done this well.Ken Hugheshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02732164204232936705noreply@blogger.com