tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post6633161493094873377..comments2024-03-17T06:03:00.362-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: Is This Tone Too Literary for YA? Janice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-38819130827508382832013-04-20T17:53:52.706-04:002013-04-20T17:53:52.706-04:00I liked what you've done here, I got a real se...I liked what you've done here, I got a real sense of the sorrow and the emotional conflict within the narrator.<br /><br />You may find that a rhythm helps you see how to pare things down while still keeping it pretty. For example, "Her resting place under the junipers was marked by a sunken slab of dank stone." You have three pairs of adjective-nouns there, and maybe you could create a more poetic sound by mixing that up. But mainly I would say that pretty language or literary grace can be achieved without a whole lot of adjectives. I liked this for its clarity and weight: "But by the time I stood at Celia's grave I was sober again. And furious." <br /><br />(Although having said that, I assumed you meant sober in mood, and Janice assumed you meant sober as in he previously had been drunk! So maybe clarity was the wrong description, lol!)<br /><br />For me, its about using precise words; words which have a rich meaning on their own without having to be bolstered by extra description. You have some of that in your piece, eg "appalled". <br /><br />I would also suggest putting the key points ahead of the description. For example, "the scene appalled me" should come first, and then show why it appalled him.<br /><br />Further reading suggestions: Lois Lowry, Patricia McKillip. <br /><br />I would like to read more of this, to find out about Celia and what happened. :-)<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03818420999930644450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-56270348956461130192013-04-20T15:26:39.127-04:002013-04-20T15:26:39.127-04:00I'm not an avid reader so not familiar with YA...I'm not an avid reader so not familiar with YA literary fiction, just with commercial YA fiction. I find it somehow slow, and not sure if you need so many sentences to describe things that don't move the storyline forward.<br />For example, you can make the start more dynamic by cutting of the first two sentences and start with .."By the time I stood at Celia's grave I was sober again, and furious." The start of someone standing near the grave of (I assume) best friend and wondering about it, is an interesting. I like to know why Celia is dead. <br />Best wishes with the novel. G.M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02652216131823877445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-88045026578334045452013-04-20T15:22:08.186-04:002013-04-20T15:22:08.186-04:00I had the impression that the narrator was hurt by...I had the impression that the narrator was hurt by Celia's death, but was trying to keep that feeling at arm's length. I'd like to that emotional struggle on the page.Amy Schaeferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17263719891092841767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-39526035526627596822013-04-20T13:19:28.886-04:002013-04-20T13:19:28.886-04:00OK, so I'm not a teenager, but I do really lik...OK, so I'm not a teenager, but I do really like this bit of your story. I'd love to find out what happened to Celia and what part the narrator played in her death.BSBRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02520510454417941553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-5191077241401574842013-04-20T11:54:04.536-04:002013-04-20T11:54:04.536-04:00I liked the line "Did I have a right to my ow...I liked the line "Did I have a right to my own indignation?" and the "no, not really" answer. <br /><br />I enjoy the literary elements; I think a nice example of a literary YA novel is "The Life and Times of Octavian Nothing." Rachel6https://www.blogger.com/profile/15138745237488029817noreply@blogger.com