tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post6567002375540032024..comments2024-03-27T10:02:56.747-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Opening Work? Janice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-40189781893534337702014-04-08T07:58:39.164-04:002014-04-08T07:58:39.164-04:00Most welcome. Glad my feedback was helpful :)Most welcome. Glad my feedback was helpful :)Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-81399929773115916662014-04-05T18:09:44.413-04:002014-04-05T18:09:44.413-04:00Thanks to readers who "weighed" in back ...Thanks to readers who "weighed" in back in January and to Janice for tackling the resubmit!! Wow. A place to start immediately to pump the impact as seen from another point of view. What a lovely service, Janice, and so generous!Shirleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11756613176679057344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-83090826034887085162014-01-27T08:15:43.106-05:002014-01-27T08:15:43.106-05:00The freak gust line didn't bother me; I've...The freak gust line didn't bother me; I've seen windy days that picked up even more wind just in time to snatch something from your hands. <br /><br />This worked for me. I got bogged down in the lines about Bonnie opening the gate--too much going on at once for me to follow easily--but the rest was easy to visualize. I'd love to see this again with internalizations included.Rachel6https://www.blogger.com/profile/15138745237488029817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-40240292020581413282014-01-26T15:50:57.296-05:002014-01-26T15:50:57.296-05:00As an Arizona resident, I want to know where in Ar...As an Arizona resident, I want to know where in Arizona this is, what time of year, and what time of day. :)<br /><br />The reason this is so important to someone with knowledge is that non-Arizona people think they can throw in hot temperatures and dirt and call themselves done with setting. But if this is around the beginning of the school year (which starts at the beginning of August here) and not early morning (no sign of kids hanging around for start of classes), those temperatures would be too low for most of the state. That time of year, the winds don't pick up until late afternoon for monsoon storms and temperatures would be closer to 110 in much of the state, while remaining in the 80s in other parts of the state.<br /><br />Details can build a story or take the reader out of the story. Be precise, do research, know the specifics.<br /><br />The Arizona school system would be much higher in the rankings if non-English-speaking immigrants or Native Americans were removed from student numbers for analysis of where to focus assistance. In other words, generalizations will cause trouble.<br /><br />The vast majority of the poor schools are going to be close to the border or in very remote areas, in the poor neighborhoods of central Phoenix or Tucson, or on the Navajo Nation. Those would all have very different settings and challenges.<br /><br />On the other hand, where I live, kids are given their own tablet computers in many schools. Generalizations pull the reader from the story and reduce complicated situations to tokenism and stereotypes. Deal with characters, situations, and settings with specifics to ensure there's no disrespect. :)Jami Goldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00957122956518765455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-54831569384137525212014-01-26T14:38:13.421-05:002014-01-26T14:38:13.421-05:00To add to what Janice has already covered, I wonde...To add to what Janice has already covered, I wonder if adding a head nod near the line where the wind swallowed her voice so that it can pass an an understood that the wind made it hard for the other lady to hear her. Maybe adding in touches of comparing what she was used to with what she's experiencing now could help with tweaking and getting us more into Janine's head?Angela Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03324366495151363782noreply@blogger.com