tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post5976954638645376306..comments2024-03-27T10:02:56.747-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: Setting up A Speculative Fiction World Janice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-2337794741321350562014-09-25T03:13:05.997-04:002014-09-25T03:13:05.997-04:00And the elemental theme immediately reminded me of...And the elemental theme immediately reminded me of Avatar: The Last Airbender. So I'm a little concerned that nothing is reading as totally original here yet. Not that it can't get there, it just needs that one twist that gives it some distance from all these other (very popular) stories. Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03172953750311720054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-62581098916621557072014-09-15T17:25:19.180-04:002014-09-15T17:25:19.180-04:00My thought is, if it's important for these par...My thought is, if it's important for these paragraphs to be the story opening, perhaps they should be a more active flashback scene than character memory. Example: "When Anaiya was eight, she and her cohort stumbled upon a tree in District 3. It was unlike anything she and the other children had ever seen, a mass of branches stretching at different angles and heights, organic and chaotic, straight in places, tangled in others." After finishing out the scene, you can then jump us forward. This might also help make it feel less like it's supposed to be YA. <br /><br />Also, I agree that you might want to avoid labels (district, cohort) that will remind readers of current massively popular series. Never mind that these series weren't the first to use such terms--readers will still make the associations. Better to find synonyms that will keep people from assuming your work is just a knock-off.Elissa Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10727748060605823895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-25643564784234519022014-09-15T10:38:33.708-04:002014-09-15T10:38:33.708-04:00I love the flashback but I agree that it needs to ...I love the flashback but I agree that it needs to appear later to give the memory relevance. I like the comparison between the tree and the city. You get the whole dystopian feel across very well -that this is a dying landscape and survival is difficult. I didn't have any trouble with the names, but I'm not Irish. Chicoryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16504144663440678542noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-27788868474358472892014-09-13T19:37:57.584-04:002014-09-13T19:37:57.584-04:00It's pronounced 'neev'.It's pronounced 'neev'.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13789345714956252856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-86813435454063708482014-09-13T19:36:32.788-04:002014-09-13T19:36:32.788-04:00One thing that threw me was the name Niamh used fo...One thing that threw me was the name Niamh used for a boy. Niamh is an Irish girl's name.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13789345714956252856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-72137971061557126732014-09-13T17:15:37.762-04:002014-09-13T17:15:37.762-04:00As I wish to let others know how much I enjoy read...As I wish to let others know how much I enjoy reading your blog, I have nominated you for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award.<br />You can check out the nomination in my post. http://jeanswriting.com/2014/09/13/inspiring-blogs-for-writers/ <br />Participation is your choice. If you wish to nominate bloggers who inspire you, the rules are provided there.<br />Thanks for sharing so much wonderful content on your blog.<br />Jean CogdellAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03593523034769971203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-54708561634784149642014-09-13T11:00:12.265-04:002014-09-13T11:00:12.265-04:00I agree with everything Janice said, but in the in...I agree with everything Janice said, but in the interest of providing more feedback, I'll chime in. First, I found this excerpt to be well written, and I enjoyed the voice. I loved the contrast between the tree and the man-made structures. <br /><br />I completely agree that you haven't found the right starting point, though, because by the end, I had no idea why any of her memories were relevant. The lack of definitions for the terminology didn't put me off, but my first thought when I read about the fire, earth, air, and water cohorts was "Divergent." Janice pointed out the problem with District #'s, and I think you've got a similar problem with the cohorts. At least in Divergent, there was a basis in personality for the selection, but these "classic elements" have more of a medieval feel than something from the future.<br /><br />I also had a little trouble with the names. Anaiya's name is growing on me, but initially I felt it had too many vowels, and the first couple of times I read the piece, I was pronouncing the city-state in my head as Optor, rather than Otpor.<br /><br />Based solely on this excerpt, I would have pegged it as YA, not adult fiction.Pharosianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11014081280833695697noreply@blogger.com