tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post5370304762898194765..comments2024-03-17T06:03:00.362-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Query Week: Step Five. The Polish. Query Volunteer #2Janice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-13119669730783367142009-08-28T13:20:15.028-04:002009-08-28T13:20:15.028-04:00Most welcome. I've always seen Emperor spelled...Most welcome. I've always seen Emperor spelled the one way, though the other could be a UK spelling?Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-11396758426851129662009-08-24T21:10:36.358-04:002009-08-24T21:10:36.358-04:00I am always ready for heavy feedback! LOL - but yo...I am always ready for heavy feedback! LOL - but you've been great and I totally appreciate you letting me monopolize your time just to enable me to do something better. :) I'm going into the office tomorrow but am off on Wednesday and will look at this again. Funny thing is after this query workshop, I found several things in my book that I want to develop more. Funny how that worked. :):) Thanks so much again - I'm totally indebted to you! ..OH BTW - the two spellings of Emporer / Emperor done in error. do you know the preferred spelling? My spell check likes both. Is it like gray and grey?Marlana Antifithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04618800081521893095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-20850919871510649242009-08-24T16:38:17.220-04:002009-08-24T16:38:17.220-04:00I'm so glad I'm helping! Yeah, I've ha...I'm so glad I'm helping! Yeah, I've hated and loved my queries too. I think that love/hate relationship is part of writing, since I feel the same way about my stories too :)<br /><br />And thanks for the history!Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-70226746151215372962009-08-23T16:39:08.940-04:002009-08-23T16:39:08.940-04:00This process is cracking me up. Phase I - hated it...This process is cracking me up. Phase I - hated it. Phase II - thought there was hope. Phase IV -hated it, Phase V - again thinking there is hope. You are very good at getting to the meat of the query. Here's what I have after the recent feedback. 266 words. :)<br /><br />Still reeling from the recent death of his mother, fifteen-year old Sam Davis stares blankly at the state worker who questions him about his father’s mysterious disappearance eleven years earlier. But Sam knows nothing about his dad – his mom’s promise to tell him everything breaking upon her death making Sam’s lifetime resolve to find his dad seem impossible. Numbly accepting his fate, he curls up into his beige universe and quietly moves into a foster home. <br /><br />Sam is living a normal day-to-day life when he finds a strange map hidden in the lining of his mom’s old suitcase. Full of strange markings, Sam realizes some of them also appear on the frame that houses the sole photo he has of his father. He removes the picture seeing Davis, WV on the back in his mother’s familiar script. The desire to find his dad outweighing the sparseness of the clue, Sam sneaks off to the neighboring town of Davis where he locates more of the strange markings and follows them to a waterfall that is concealing a Vortex. Stepping through, Sam is hurtled into Caylestis – an enchanted world full of magic. <br /><br />Sam’s heart soars when he learns his father is living in this world and the Emporer and Keeper of Faras - an immortal winged-horse spiritually tied to Caylestis. But this convulsing world is rapidly fading since the Emperor’s brother captured Faras; the imprisonment turning her mortal and slowly killing her Keeper. Sam unwittingly becomes entangled in a dangerous battle between the two brothers but only he has the ability to free Faras and save his father.Marlana Antifithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04618800081521893095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-63349822600738172452009-08-23T13:09:10.011-04:002009-08-23T13:09:10.011-04:00Let me again say thank you so much!!! :) I have a...Let me again say thank you so much!!! :) I have a lot of work to do and am excited to delve into it. However, I thought I could first answer some of your questions. <br /><br />This is a 23 chapter book. Chapters 1 through 7 take place in West Virginia; the remainder of the book is set in Caylestis. <br /><br />Faras is an immortal being who is spiritually tied to Caylestis. She was given to Custos Saxe (Sam's great X6 grandfather)by a spirit named Esengel with the explanation that with the winged horse's safekeeping, peace and prosperity will be prominent in the land; the responsibility of keeping her safe passing from father to eldest child. You see the job of 'Keeper' is synonymous with being the Emporer. If Faras is captured, she will become mortal and die bringing the destruction of the Caylestis the inhabitants have always known and death to her Keeper AKA the Emporer. <br /><br />LOL! You are good - questioning how Deimos caught Faras. Sam believes Deimos catches Faras using black magic. But in chapter 19 of this 23 chapter book he learns that Deimos is actually his father's twin brother. :) <br /><br />Deimos believes that only man should have privileges - not those he considers lesser beings - the Menechlures, the elves and the dwarves. Think Adolf Hitler. Although Deimos is older than his brother (Emporer El) by a few minutes, Faras changed things up during the ceremonial passing of her guardianship. Instead of bowing to the eldest child - the assumed next in line for her guardianship and ruler of the land, she bypasses Deimos and marked El as her next Keeper. <br /><br />I think that made sense? LOLMarlana Antifithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04618800081521893095noreply@blogger.com