tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post5212705052516249686..comments2024-03-27T10:02:56.747-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Show or Tell?Janice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-73539258436533621302016-05-29T09:29:05.607-04:002016-05-29T09:29:05.607-04:00Hi all, thanks for those comments. They're ver...Hi all, thanks for those comments. They're very useful and I'll fix/explain those in the next draft. All the best for your WIP, whatever it is.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13276552274751409318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-22479200189598540892016-05-21T17:41:59.491-04:002016-05-21T17:41:59.491-04:00Hi,
After a discussion about stars, the mother re...Hi, <br />After a discussion about stars, the mother remarks the daughter has an interest in geometry. Should that be astronomy? Nitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03550671947913111557noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-42223071401971440032016-05-21T11:52:17.012-04:002016-05-21T11:52:17.012-04:00One picky point. When daughter says "You don&...One picky point. When daughter says "You don't normally see stars in the daytime." Sounds too adult.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-16491779326518891452016-05-21T10:08:31.183-04:002016-05-21T10:08:31.183-04:00I enjoyed this opening and was immediately into th...I enjoyed this opening and was immediately into the story. Whatever you're doing -- keep doing it.Brianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16620367133264855090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-30780826811273964282016-05-21T10:03:41.191-04:002016-05-21T10:03:41.191-04:00I read it as the mother being comforted by her dau...I read it as the mother being comforted by her daughter's body heat.<br /><br />I enjoyed the mother's inner thoughts. Nothing jarred me other than a grammatical pet peeve of mine. so, I would take out the word 'at' in the sentence [Jenna squinted at where her daughter was pointing.]<br /><br />[Jenna squinted where her daughter was pointing.] sounds better to me. <br /><br />I think you nailed it too.Veronica Knoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17333425074452436614noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-14531892110594172682016-05-21T08:56:41.531-04:002016-05-21T08:56:41.531-04:00This was the first couple of hundred words or so f...This was the first couple of hundred words or so from a WIP that's been on the go for the last two years. I've been struggling with Telling all the way through, knew it wasn't right but wasn't sure I knew enough to fix it. I really appreciate the feedback, it's encouraged me to go through all the other scenes now, identify Telling and hopefully fix it!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13276552274751409318noreply@blogger.com