tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post4227923493315942699..comments2024-03-27T10:02:56.747-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: Does This YA Sci Fi Prologue Work?Janice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-70573715218220793512015-02-21T20:23:30.717-05:002015-02-21T20:23:30.717-05:00Regarding modern vs. sci-fi, the "piled atop ...Regarding modern vs. sci-fi, the "piled atop him like dirt on a coffin" line stuck out. Similes are a great way to throw in world-building in a natural way, and to characterize. Would that imagery really occur to Sephtis when looking at the folders?Peter Charnellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10204152727626930933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-54927400695522881062015-02-21T10:09:03.114-05:002015-02-21T10:09:03.114-05:00I agree with most of your thoughts, Janice. Howeve...I agree with most of your thoughts, Janice. However, I went a different way with the ‘this is everything…” line. To me, that emphasized the drowning in useless detail with no pertinent info—which the whole “hills” of paperwork line brought to life for me. (I suppose it could be considered beating a dead horse, however.) And unlike you, I liked the implications of the “tightly rolled cigar.” <br /><br />To me, while the imagry is great, as an opening it didn’t satisfy me and I suspect your comments about whether it’s needed are the cause.<br /><br />Thanks to you and brave author!tonylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15317371592063754371noreply@blogger.com