tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post4220457074843904555..comments2024-03-17T06:03:00.362-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Prologue and Narrative Style Work for You? Janice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-832635779889288732014-05-28T14:50:45.940-04:002014-05-28T14:50:45.940-04:00Most welcome. I assumed fairly quickly that she wa...Most welcome. I assumed fairly quickly that she was the narrator, but I try to be a "dumb reader" on these to catch potential problems. :) As writers, we tend to see more than an average reader does because we know how the story is made so to speak. Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-9764741259212101032014-05-28T02:01:51.822-04:002014-05-28T02:01:51.822-04:00Try seduction not hit over the head openings and t...Try seduction not hit over the head openings and this will work. Your a very good writer and I can see that if you don't try so hard anyone will get pulled in then you can shock them.Harry Sarkisianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02734703704447800714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-31595910554491201782014-05-26T21:21:29.994-04:002014-05-26T21:21:29.994-04:00I did wonder if the ellipses wouldn't work for...I did wonder if the ellipses wouldn't work for anyone. Their purpose was to add to the confusion and disorientation I was trying to convey, but I suppose that's a little redundant if readers find them annoying! That's a good tidbit of feedback, Carol. Thanks Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00293560062890283024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-43894416411450223412014-05-26T19:26:52.926-04:002014-05-26T19:26:52.926-04:00I immediately assumed that the narrator was the on...I immediately assumed that the narrator was the one who had killed her mother. I like the visceral emotions but didn't like the ellipses you used in several places. I would rather you said what was there. I don't want to be annoyed! I'm not into zombie stories--but this definitely had me interested. To me, it seems like a great place to start your book! Carol Baldwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10444182118975929045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-78524125442216536222014-05-26T14:15:34.823-04:002014-05-26T14:15:34.823-04:00I agree about the first line. If you'd used th...I agree about the first line. If you'd used the protag's name instead of "she," I would have felt more grounded and less confused. If I had read the back cover copy and knew the protag's name in the first line, I definitely would have kept reading. Marcyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18326611302720771943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-11162895149794715182014-05-26T05:34:34.358-04:002014-05-26T05:34:34.358-04:00And thanks to everyone else for the extra feedback...And thanks to everyone else for the extra feedback :) Much appreciated. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00293560062890283024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-83509875442368935382014-05-26T05:31:31.716-04:002014-05-26T05:31:31.716-04:00Thanks for the feedback, Janice. It didn't eve...Thanks for the feedback, Janice. It didn't even cross my mind that the narrator wouldn't immediately be identified as the protagonist, though like you said, with the third person omniscient POV I suppose it is a little harder to tell. You were right, the setting is Victorian London, but I might work in another descriptive sentence or two to ground readers more firmly into the world. <br />Thanks again. Your criticism was very helpful. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00293560062890283024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-26465864721859605102014-05-25T14:54:27.886-04:002014-05-25T14:54:27.886-04:00I loved this.
The voice feels strong and bang-on ...I loved this. <br />The voice feels strong and bang-on for my vision of the protagonist so far. I like the paragraph structure of short and long and I must confess, I assumed the narrator was the killer straight away. <br />Great stuff :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06402167218714904333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-89065892400177640082014-05-24T16:04:02.871-04:002014-05-24T16:04:02.871-04:00Not familiar with zombie stories, but was perfectl...Not familiar with zombie stories, but was perfectly willing to submerge into this narrative, making the undead twist even more fun.<br /><br />I was struck though by Janice's comments that the cover notes could be a tipping point and drew the conclusion that a seasoned reader of this genre would/could be swayed into reading further by something as simple as cover notes. Makes one stop and think, eh?<br /><br />I would definitely read on - I want to learn how to stagger!Maria D'Marcohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07909374867721777133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-55966752299660836192014-05-24T08:38:36.488-04:002014-05-24T08:38:36.488-04:00I was unsure as to what was going on exactly - tho...I was unsure as to what was going on exactly - though I assumed the "she" was the narrator all along. But it was interesting. But you hooked me faithfully with the end - realizing this is a zombie story from a zombie point of view - which I've never seen though it certainly may exist - makes the fact that she killed her mother so much more pointed. When she said monster, she really meant it. It was enough of a surprise to definitely get me moving to the next chapter.<br /><br />I personally love the narrative voice. As Jan said, it is the disjointed feel that one would expect a new zombie to react with. Though again, nobody would expect that she was a zombie until the zinger end. I love being surprised like that, have I mentioned?<br /><br />This is definitely a story I'd want to read in its entirety, as long as it kept with the zombie point of view.jenmcjenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04239531131388642925noreply@blogger.com