tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post3864180307170191964..comments2024-03-27T10:02:56.747-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: Are the Stakes Clear in This Opening? Janice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-30113780721785632722017-01-16T01:08:43.265-05:002017-01-16T01:08:43.265-05:00At the very beginning, I wasn't sure if the pr...At the very beginning, I wasn't sure if the protagonist was a girl or boy, but after the ex-best friend comment, I am certain the MC is a girl. I like this. The voice is there and so are the stakes. You may identify gender by adding a more girl or boy clothing detail. Flowery flip flops vs. birkenstock or something the like.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-49031269000329678262017-01-14T22:32:31.403-05:002017-01-14T22:32:31.403-05:00I liked the fact that stakes were spelled out: it ...I liked the fact that stakes were spelled out: it was enough to leave me wondering how a jump off the bridge had anything to do with the swim team without being too vague or cryptic.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-70505230181784921722017-01-14T10:40:32.103-05:002017-01-14T10:40:32.103-05:00This sounds like a story YA readers will enjoy. Th...This sounds like a story YA readers will enjoy. They love drama. So why not ramp it up a notch? Consider making your opening more enticing by making it mysterious. Keep the wording simple. You could say the following: <br /><br />I have a plan, and I can't get it wrong. My jump off the Battersall Pass Bridge has to work; it's my way of purging a rotten school year.<br /><br />Don't divulge his reason for going there until he gets to the bridge. Just a thought. All the best as you write.<br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com