tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post3617482294206302320..comments2024-03-27T10:02:56.747-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: Does This Start With a Splash?Janice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-45390845480397280392011-09-03T16:54:03.502-04:002011-09-03T16:54:03.502-04:00I agree with Janice… focuses the reader though tig...I agree with Janice… focuses the reader though tightened prose and think from your MC eyes---POV is huge to get right. We can’t know it if the MC didn’t think it, feel it or do it. Unless it exposition—and that shouldn't intermingle with prose that involve dialog.<br /><br />All in all, I liked this sample… it has a lot of potential. I sure wish you the best, and keep on believing!Jeff Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00667419764890599092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-73916365986239962702011-09-03T16:52:22.430-04:002011-09-03T16:52:22.430-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Jeff Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00667419764890599092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-62355587633871508422011-09-03T14:48:26.612-04:002011-09-03T14:48:26.612-04:00Reading it was a bit confusing at first, but I can...Reading it was a bit confusing at first, but I can see one of them will get into trouble by page five.<br /><br />As stated before, it can be tightened up to get rid of the more wordy sentences, but the direction is good.chihuahuazerohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15677672177353350936noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-63070340073623935352011-09-03T12:10:31.327-04:002011-09-03T12:10:31.327-04:00I like how distinct your two characters are.I like how distinct your two characters are.Chicoryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16504144663440678542noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-49513171231102538022011-09-03T10:41:59.948-04:002011-09-03T10:41:59.948-04:00Your first paras certainly kept my attention.
It ...Your first paras certainly kept my attention.<br /><br />It just needs a little more tightening, as per Janice's suggestions, and you're there.Michael G-Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07947421844294471304noreply@blogger.com