tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post2878961881903009453..comments2024-03-27T10:02:56.747-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: Can I Get Away With This? Starting With a DreamJanice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-82634450348652757062012-03-29T19:49:55.990-04:002012-03-29T19:49:55.990-04:00Of course you can start with a dream. Borges does ...Of course you can start with a dream. Borges does it in one of his best stories: 'The Secret Miracle'. Only problem is dreams are hard!Ben W.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-43299768678235197272012-03-05T05:10:44.474-05:002012-03-05T05:10:44.474-05:00I think the advice against using dreams as an open...I think the advice against using dreams as an opening stems from most people find listening to friends' dreams as exciting as looking at friends' vacation snapshots. More exciting for the friend than you. <br /><br />Sure, there are a few who enjoy them (like me!), but most appreciate it if you keep your dream-recounts and travel shots brief and snappy.<br /><br />I admit to finding the opening sequence a little long. As much as I love the beach, the description was too long for an opening. I suggest you save the description for later once the reader has invested time in the narrative. The opening needs a hook, and the sequence could benefit from the mysterious ring beng introduced earlier.Jo-Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15705983780352542190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-78910646579034589772012-03-04T19:01:27.047-05:002012-03-04T19:01:27.047-05:00I remember one of my works in progress, one that I...I remember one of my works in progress, one that I've since sat in the "gonna get back to you one day" pile, opened with a dream sequence. I gave it to my critique group at that time and they were very gentle with letting me know it was cliche. They provided some examples at that time but that was a long time ago so I can't remember them. But I do remember going to a conference and an agent mentioning that when she reads the first page and realizes it's a dream sequence, that it's sort of a kiss-of-death, particularly if the author is a novice.<br /><br />For the sample provided, I wanted to really get drawn in, however, the tense change was a bit jarring and the attention paid to the waves and weather made the rest of what is shown less significant. The suggestions provided sound great and I know will help me as I have an issue with that tense change thing as well.Angela Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03324366495151363782noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-63718932661979749752012-03-04T16:08:23.349-05:002012-03-04T16:08:23.349-05:00I think this could work out for you with some twea...I think this could work out for you with some tweaks. To me the dream is not the issue. It is not feeling your MC. <br /><br />One recommendation for setting is to show your setting through actions of the MC. Janice has a great post about this somewhere in the archives. Could your character notice his surroundings as he lifts his arms swimming? I he treading water? Not really sure. Some movement combined - not just lines of description. Though I will say I liked the imagery. I could picture it - but I didn't know the MC. <br /><br />I would have thought the MC was a girl. This means you need more internalization and a sense of the MC in the dream.<br /><br />Keep at it. Writing is a process and this shows promise.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03683787289610071946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-31570221503734754142012-03-04T14:59:17.682-05:002012-03-04T14:59:17.682-05:00I'm not aware of reading any novels with a dre...I'm not aware of reading any novels with a dream scene as the opening, so I can't say how this compares with others.<br /><br />However, you want to hook the reader in, and I was hooked after "She is always here (maybe insert "in my dream" here). Her back is always to me." That pulls me in better than a bunch of description which you can then put in right afterwards. Dreams have a mysterious feel to them - as dreamers we always wonder why we have them and what they are trying to tell us about ourselves. Knowing there's a mysterious woman that always appears is a good set up - IMHO.<br /><br />Also - please insert some commas. You have so many missing I had to reread a few sentences to get the natural rhythm. A good rule of thumb is, if you pause when you say it, you add a comma. <br /><br />I think this has potential - I'm intrigued about who this mystery woman is and if she shows up in real life. Good job and good luck.PattiBuffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07498161550187573134noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-8181499024747046592012-03-04T14:05:00.655-05:002012-03-04T14:05:00.655-05:00My friend writes a lot of story beginnings, and th...My friend writes a lot of story beginnings, and they all start with a dream, but it lasts several pages and you think it's the actual story until the person wakes up and it is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying.capnghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02205668674939201493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-21929949147860360272012-03-04T12:31:57.078-05:002012-03-04T12:31:57.078-05:00I like the idea of starting with a dream, I certai...I like the idea of starting with a dream, I certainly see no problem with it, especially as I suspect yours is going to be central to your plot. <br /><br />I admit though, I couldn't read this piece past the first couple of lines. Perhaps that was because there were no paragraphs. But I think more likely the reason was because I personally don't like reading a lot of description, especially at the start of a story. For example, I would think the part about the dawn could be condensed into one sentence. Infact, I feel the whole scene could be reduced to a couple of paragraphs. <br /><br />But that's just me. I was taught most people skim descriptive passages; I was also taught to start a story with action which draws the reader in. This dream could be a great beginning if you strip away the description and amp up the mood. Does s/he feel trapped, always having this dream? You mentioned him/her trying to wake up - perhaps that struggle could continue, with an explanation why. Without knowing the protag's mood, his/her startlement with the change in action doesn't have as much impact as it could.<br /><br />Good luck with your story, I think you are so admirable for submitting it to be critiqued. I hope you get lots of helpful and good feedback to encourage you.sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03818420999930644450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-31091174902254591482012-03-04T12:04:46.519-05:002012-03-04T12:04:46.519-05:00Thanks for doing this! It was most helpful. I do h...Thanks for doing this! It was most helpful. I do have verb tense issue to work out. I wrote this in present tense and then went back and "ed" words and made a mess of it for the reader.<br />Thanks again!Vera Sorokahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10703435058729060761noreply@blogger.com