tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post2618901986324740982..comments2024-03-17T06:03:00.362-04:00Comments on Fiction University: Real Life Diagnostics: POV and OpeningsJanice Hardyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-28189437953200809302011-05-16T13:14:38.532-04:002011-05-16T13:14:38.532-04:00Sarah: Oh good, I'm glad it clicked for you! T...Sarah: Oh good, I'm glad it clicked for you! Thanks to everyone else who offered additional feedback for your brave volunteer.Janice Hardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02356672149097741248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-24038375705219882482011-05-09T17:12:54.952-04:002011-05-09T17:12:54.952-04:00Thank you to the poster who submitted this. I'...Thank you to the poster who submitted this. I've read a lot of blogs helping with PoV but for some reason FINALLY the 'she thought' thing has sunk in!Sarah Tokeleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13273148070092101085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-18510498949553398232011-05-09T17:12:53.150-04:002011-05-09T17:12:53.150-04:00It doesn't work for me at all, but it's al...It doesn't work for me at all, but it's all tell and little show and we don't know why we should care yet. I'd like to get a little more into the story instead of skimming the surface.Megsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-57294932202072201442011-05-09T11:12:09.170-04:002011-05-09T11:12:09.170-04:00I wholeheartedly agree about the distant and uncle...I wholeheartedly agree about the distant and unclear POV. As Janice pointed out, some internalization will help tremendously here. I'd also like to know a bit more about the characters. How old are Isadora and Kora? Is Kora about to enter a marriageable age? Where is Kora's father? <br /><br />This kind of reads like a prologue (to me, anyway). Isadora says her life is almost over, which leads me to think that Kora will take over the story at some point. If that's the case, then why not begin the story from Kora's POV? If I'm completely on the wrong track, then please ignore me. :) <br /><br />Nit-pick: a star is a big, burning ball of gas, so technically it's always on fire. At the end of its life, it either explodes or collapses, so the 'on fire' comment isn't necessary.Tabithahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17420910182752981979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3901370917824739259.post-71187636114674596672011-05-09T10:45:26.605-04:002011-05-09T10:45:26.605-04:00Yes, this did not grab me either, partially becaus...Yes, this did not grab me either, partially because of the POV but also because the characters seemed very passive and weak. If I'm going to be reading a book, I want characters that won't break down and pray whenever life gets tough. I want them to be characters of action.<br /><br />Now it might be that these two women end up being the Arnold Schwartzenagers of Egypt...but this open suggests the opposite to me.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16518183823230864763noreply@blogger.com